Stepparenting

I guess I look at this somewhat differently than most. It might be helpful to you, and more importantly to her, if you placed yourself in her shoes. Someone mentioned something about your becoming the evil stepmother as unfair. Since when is marriage, divorce, remarriage, step-parenting, etc. fair for anyone? In your step-daughter's shoes, it is unfair to a her to have her parents living apart from each other, unfair that she has to visit her own father, and double unfair when dad began a new family. Can you imagine how rejected and unloved a child who can't comprehend adult behavior and situations like this must feel? I imagine she feels lke an outsider and feels in competition for her father's love, even if that is not the case. That said, when this is the circumstance, you will have to be extremely self-sacrificing and accept the fact that the life you've created for yourself, your children and your step-daughter is going to have issues that are out of the ordinary. I would highly recommend that you and your husband seek counseling for blended families, because as all three children grow, there will be more and more issues that could break up your marriage. I am certain that you, behaving as a mature and loving adult that your question implies, with a lot of hard work, can work this out. At this point, the worst thing for all three children would be for the family you are working on now to split. I wish you success and all the best.

I am going to respond only to the part aboutyour stepdaughter hurting your sons. Let's say you were at the park, and some other kid hurt your child, would you just stand there? Of course not! Talk to your husband, as everybody else has been saying, but tell him you will put her in the corner, or in her room or whatever it takes. Also, you and your husband need to talk to her mother. And sit down with the girl. Tell her this is the way it's going to be. Tell her the rules. She needs boundaries.

Hello. I am curious as to her age, some of her behavior may be attributed to her age, if she entering her teen yrs. Second, how old are your children? You said very young is it possible that she may be jealous? I believe that blended families can be a good thing and a hard thing at the same time. We raise our kids to be how we want them to be. We raise them to be the way we like, so of course its different from person to person. Behavior you find "bad" or disrespectful her mother may not. Talk to your husband about how you feel. I'm not sure what type of behavior you are speaking of b/c all you mentioned was not saying pls and thank you, that really isn't that bad. All kids go through a phase where they don't say it and have to be reminded. When and why does she harm your sons? Is it when they are hitting her, and she hits back? My son and daughter are 9 yrs apart and I have to remind her that she can't hit him back b/c she is older and knows better and that he is still learning. I also know that boys are rougher and play rougher, if these are her only brothers she may not be used to it. Good luck!

Hi - I recognize your name from another post. You sound like a great mom and stepmom - your kids are lucky to have you. I am sure a lot of people will recommend that you talk to your husband and have him be the primary disciplinarian, which I think is great advice. But at the same time, I hope you will put yourself in your stepdaughter's shoes and try to see how hard this situation is for her. She probably feels like an outsider, probably wishes she saw her dad more and craves his attention, and maybe feels jealous of the relationship he has with your biological kids. I can see why she might act out - both from jealously and maybe from a feeling that she's betraying her mom if she grows closer to you. Poor kid. I'm not saying she doesn't need discipline - just that she probably needs extra love and understanding, too.

I think you need to discuss this w/ your husband & he needs to step in with the discipline. I know from personal experience that if the step-mom is the disciplinarian & the father is hands-off, the step-kids will resent the step-mom. This is totally unfair as you are raising children who are not your birth children. I really think your husband needs to step in & stand by you so she sees that it's not just you making the rules, it's her father too.

The conversation must start with your husband (her Dad). Little girls seem to have special priviledges with their Dads. They have then wrapped around their finger. Dad probably sees no wrong in his little princess. You and your husband must agree on what type of discipline his daughter will receive while at your home. Guilty or not, Little Miss Princess cannot come into your home and control things. If he is not comfortable with you providing discipline, then he must reinforce things with her. If this doesn't work, the child will wound up getting hurt and Daddy will then realize what needs to happen.

You are in a tough spot! You didn’t say how old your step-daughter is. Is she a teenager? What I would do is talk to your husband and let him know that you can appreciate why he is lenient on her, however, the behavior he allows her to model now, will only get worse as she gets older. If she is a teenager and getting away with bad behavior he is molding her to be a bad adult. Let him know that he is raising a lady and should guide and teach her to act like one regardless of how often he sees her. She will respect him MORE as her father. That guidance should start when they are toddlers. As far as your position you have every right to demand that your step-daughter behave respectfully under your roof or at anytime that she is with you/family. Children pick up on good/bad behavior very quickly especially from their siblings. Just because you’re the step-mother doesn’t mean you cannot enforce rules in your home. She should receive consequences as if she were your own child and your husband needs to step up!! Don’t let your kids be effected by her bad behavior. Children do not rule the home.