Stepmoms and Kids

I am assuming you are the grandparent of the 13 year old. This is going to be a difficult situation, being a teen is hard enough but having to share dad is just adding to those emotions. Hopefully his new stepmom has the patience and understanding that him lashing out is not directly at her, but at the situation. I have known a couple other people that have went through this, and it is pure heck for the first part of it. If the family is strong enough then when he gets a little older he will appreciate all the understanding. If she plays into his anger and emotions, it is going to be a rough couple of years. I was 14 when my dad got remarried, and I know I didn't understand, put my dad and stepmom through hell till I turned 18, then I realized that it wasn't so bad and that everything they did was due to love. She just has to have lots of patience. Maybe you need to have a discussion with your grandson and see how he feels, if he will tell you and maybe you can help him understand that dad needs someone to love. That the son will grow up and move away and he wouldn't want his dad to be alone. Good Luck... God Bless..

DON'T treat him like your own child - he's not and he doesn't see you as mom and might never. Be his friend, not like one of his 13 yr old buddies, but like a big sister, aunt, grown up type friend. Leave the discipline stuff to Dad. Respect the fact that he might still want to do some things with just Dad - let them. Also do some fun stuff with the 3 of you. Ask him what he wants to do. "We are going to do something fun this Sat. What would you like to do?" If he is acting up while in your care and supervision, you can ask him to plese stop that or please do what you are supposed to etc, but if he doesn't comply, just say "Well, I'm going to have to tell your dad when he gets home so he can deal with this. He's asked me to tell him what's going on while he's not here as far as your behavior goes...."

Be sure to include him in activities you and your husband do like going out to dinner and the movies from time to time so he doesn't feel like he's being pushed aside.

You are not his mom and i'm not sure if his mom is in his life. I will say though I'm sure he is unhappy because he has had his dad to himself and now he has to share him with you. I would give them guy time together everyday even for just bit. I would start slow with the discipline and start as asking. Meaning learn what parents have learned from the beginning, pick your battles. Is he going to get hurt or you if he continue what he does. If he is being purposely rude to you or trhying to get at you just say please do not treat me that way. Give him space to come to you not push to much because at 12 they are just bout teenagers and they are distant with their parents as it is so they are rebelling. Even worse for a step situation.

It just takes time like anything else in life. Just treat him like you would treat your own child. Don't try to force the relationship just show him you care. He may feel resentment for not having his Dad all to himself but once he see's you are not a threat and that he will still get time with Dad and loved by you it will all work out. Good Luck

He needs to respect you because you are the adult, but if its just been the two guys for most of his life, then you are the one treading on his turf.

Think of him like a nephew. Correct him for certain things - manners, cleanliness, chores, etc. but don't get controlling or sentimental on him. Let him decide how close of a relationship he wants with you. Start small. Take him shopping for games, clothes, etc. Find an activity that you can do as a family. If he's into sports, show up at his games without making a scene. Just be supportive.

M.

I would say that you communicate with your husband concerning any issues that you may have and allow him to address them with your step son until the 2 of you have established a loving and trusting relationship.

I differ from a lot of opinions. he NEEDS to respect you as an adult and authority figure. you should not leave all the disciplining to your husband. since the first time my fiance and i met each others' kids, we have disciplined them. The same as i would expect any adult to. And that has really helped my relationship with my soon to be step sons, as well as my fiance's relationship with my daughter. They respect us as adults and family now and that is the basis of our relationship. i really wouldn't do it any other way.