Stepmom - Jefferson City,MO

I wouldn't worry about it if a child wanted to talk to the stepparent on the phone. I would take it as a sign of a decent relationship. If her father is upset by this, then that's his issue to address in his home. If she's saying mean things, you might tell her that's not nice or ask her why. Sometimes I think kids just say things they don't mean, there's a grain of truth and they embellish, or they are trying to get a reaction.

I'm a step mom and my kids have a step mom. I have always tried to encourage a good relationship between the kids and their SM. I have told them that I'm the mom at my house and she's the mom at her house and they have to make the best of it. Its been about 5 years now and they get along pretty well. She isn't super nice to them, but she is decent, which I can't complain about. A lot of women can be very vindictive toward their step kids. So yes, you need to encourage her to be nice to her SM and let her talk to her if she wants. And she's 5, she will be nice one minute, and saying she hates you the next. Just part of growing up. Good luck.

I'm confused by this question. First off I am sorry if they are alcoholics. I am confused because it seems you said that your daughter isn't fond of this woman but now your upset that she asked to speak to her while on the phone with her dad/your ex?
To answer your question. I wouldn't be upset if my daughter wanted to speak to her step parent when on the phone with my ex (if she had one) I'd be delighted she liked her step mom and glad the step mom wants to speak to her. I don't understand why you would be upset, shes technically choosing to speak to her over your ex not over you, if you went overboard, but in reality shes not choosing anyone OVER anyone else...J. choosing to have relationships with multiple adults in her life who raise her.

I understand why it hurts... but its great that she wants to talk to her sm. That shows she does care for her. You should encourage the relationship to grow because hopefully she will be in your daughters life for ever. Its important to get that relationship young.

I have 50/50 with my ex. Over the years and going higher in my ex's job has caused him to travel. My boys still go to thier dad's even if he is gone for the week. They like spending the time with thier SM and little brother even if thier dad isn't there. She likes spending time with my boys. We live two blocks from each other. They call thier dad every night they are with me... and they call me every night they are with thier dad. On his days they stop here at least once a day, same on my days.. they go see thier dad/ sm ( who ever is there) atleast once a day... on weekends they are in and out of both houses.

Mine are 12 and 13 so they are older but its still nice to have that open door/ phone with the kids on both sides. I don't always agree with what goes on over there ( im sure they have dislikes about here also) and I have seen how it affects the boys and it sucks drying the tears some days but unfortunatly that comes with the territory when dealing with an ex.

I would hate to think that they wouldn't let them do the same if the boys wanted to talk/ see to me... that's why I let it be this way.

Why do you let your 5yo stay with alcoholics in first place?

Divorces and co parenting are always sensitive issues. Yes, I think you are being overly sensitive, but that is to be expected. It is hard to have someone else be involved in raising your child and very painful to think that you might be replaced or outdone in your child's eyes. Just remind yourself that you are their mom and they know that you were and will be there through it all. They love you and will no matter who comes in and out of their lives.

Just give yourself some space to upset without causing more problems and find a good friend to talk to.

Good luck and I am sorry you are feeling blue.

It's good that your daughter likes her stepmother. And of course she says mean things to her stepmother sometimes... she's five years old. She probably says mean things to her father and to you too. It's normal. But this situation is also new to her, and she might be worried about being disloyal to you when that's also a normal child worry even though it's not a competition.

It's perfectly fine for her to ask to talk to her stepmother during the same phone call to her father. I don't see why it would be an issue at all. It's just a sign that she's making an effort to include her stepmother into the family. It's not as if she's "using up" the time she could be talking to her father by talking to her stepmother instead, and she's not "using up" that time with her stepmother replacing you either.

She's only 5 years old, probably trying to adjust to a sucky situation.

I am a mom and a stepmom. I understand where you are coming from but remember you will always be mom. Your daughter is not trying to replace you or pick favorites. I miss the days when my stepdaughter asked to speak to me on the phone. I knew it was not going to last because every time we were on the phone, I could hear her mother telling her to hurry up since I didn't matter and they had better things to do. In general her mother set about ensuring I have no relationship with my stepdaughter and she has been remarkably effective in her mission. Sadly the person she has hurt the most is her daughter who clearly doesn't understand why she can't just like and love everyone in her life. The confusion and hurt in her eyes can be tremendously maddening to say the least. I do not mean to suggest you will do any of those things but you should be aware of what extreme responses can produce. Our two families cannot even be within 10 feet of each other without my stepdaughter melting into tears and becoming extremely upset. The negativity she hears on a constant basis from her mother doesn’t make any sense when she is confronted with the physical reality of two loving sets of families. Something doesn’t add up but she’s not yet old enough to process it all on her own terms.

Your daughter will struggle with the dual household thing for a little while longer and while you don't ask for specific advice on that front, I just wanted to recommend being positive with her. Extol all the virtues of the extra loving adults in her life. Different isn’t bad; it’s just different. I would avoid saying you or her father miss her but you can tiptoe around that fact in terms she can understand but not feel guilt over. Give yourself the time and space to work through your emotions. It is difficult to have someone else in your daughter's life. However, I suggest you focus on the positives. Your daughter is blessed to have so many caring loving people involved in her life. Finally I would ignore hearsay from anyone's family. If you have something which needs to be said, then you should have enough respect for yourself and your ex's wife to speak to her directly. It's not grade school and there is no need to gossip behind people's backs. Good luck and best wishes to your family.

I think I would be comforted a bit that my child has a good relationship with the step parent. I think when she says mean things about the woman, it's for your benefit. Don't think your feelings about the woman are not known to your kids.

Steps and all that there is no hard and fast rules. My take on it with my kids is so long as someone isn't manipulating the kids I let them lead. I feel like I have no right to make them like or hate anyone.

So if they didn't want to talk to their dad I would consider it a reasonable request. There is no step on my ex's side but if there was I wouldn't care if the kids wanted to talk to her and not their dad, heck I would consider that rational. His current girlfriend is sooooo much nicer than him. :p

I can see being upset that she has found a family you feel you cannnot give her and you miss her when she is gone. It sucks I know. But you have to take the high road and say I am glad my daughter can have more individuals in her life. But you have to be careful though and not foster it too much but not put it down either. You do not know if they will break up a month later and your daughter has foster a friendship with her and now is upset. I'd leave it like that a friendship. She is talking to a new friend on the phone. You can say stuff I'm glad soso is being a nice friend. And if they break up it will be about you saying I'm sorry you lost a friend some friends come and go. This way she will open up more and tell you more. And you cannot show jealousy.

I can imagine how you must feel. I am a mom & a stepmom.
I would encourage a good relationshop btwn your dtr & her stepmom.
Only good things. My husband's ex has tried to make problems for me since my husb & I were dating.

She does her best to pitt her dtr against me & to undermine our rlshp.
It's sad. My stepdtr & I had a good relationship in spite of her until my husb & I had a child of our own.

Her stepmom is more her friend and hubby left me to do all of the parenting which later back fired for me. I was the heavy.

I'm still glad I did all of the things I did for her & I feel I tried my best.
I love his dtr like my own. I would hope any stepmom would have a good rlshp w/their step kids. It's important.

When my husb left me, I remember thinking I would do my best to encourage my child to develop a rlshp w/whomever he ended up with (as long as she was a good person & nice to my son). We have since reconciled but the rlsph w/his ex will always be non-existent per her request.

It is sad & much more diffcult for the child.
For her sake (and any child's sake), I would hope everyone could get along.

I would not take it as an affront if your child wants to speak to her. Be glad she wants to get along w/her since lives there & w/her.
I wish you all the best.