I am beyond livid and wondering if I need to step back and calm down or seriously step in and protect my boys.
I am divorced from my boys dad since they were 1 & 3. They are now 7 & 9. Their dad lives 3 hours away and gets them every other weekend and 1/2 of school breaks. We were driving home from the pick up spot last night and the boys were talking in the back seat. I over heard one of them saying something about their step sisters boyfriend. She is around 20 years old and he is around 22 years old. I just found out that they lost their apartment and moved in with my boys dad and his wife. They did not have an extra room, so the step sister and boyfriend are now sharing a room with my boys. My ex works a lot, he works at night and sleeps during the day. So his wife and her daughter & boyfriend spend a lot of the visits taking care of them. It has been this way for years. The boys said that when they are bad or disrespectful the boyfriend punches them as a consequence. They said he punches them (closed fisted) in the arm or shoulder. I am so beyond mad I cannot think straight. Who does he think he is?! After I calmed down last night I explained to the boys that this is wrong and no one should be punching them EVER. They began to cry and begged me not to tell their dad because now they are going to get in trouble and will be punished the next time the go back for telling me. There have been other issues in the past that I spoke up about and I guess their dad was mad they told me. So he is basically teaching them to keep secrets from me to avoid dealing with me being upset. The last time was because they were shoving 4 kids between the ages of 2-9 into a back seat with only 3 seat belts. The were not properly restraining the kids in booster seats and one would go without a seat belt altogether. My ex has somehow managed to take on foster kids (he admitted to me for the income), and recently adopted an 8 year old foster child. She has major issues behaviorally and mentally and they actually get more $ per month adopting her. They have a 2 year old foster child as well that happens to be his wife's brothers daughter. The parents are drug addicts and it's yet to be determined if they will adopt her. When I told the boys I would be talking to their dad, they begged me not to and began back peddling and making excuses on behalf of the boyfriend. Like, it's not that hard, or he only does it if we are really bad. If this is truly happening when they are there, this boyfriend is seriously out of line, IMO. I honestly don't know if I should relax and get my ex's side of the story, or be on the phone with CPS. I'm not going to let this slide and allow an adult to punch my child or the other children at their house. So I guess my question is, what would you do?
1. Call CPS
2. Call the cops.
3. Call an attorney
4. Don't let them go to their dad's right now. (unless the attorney says otherwise).
Take pictures of any bruises.
Go back to court and get full custody of the kids.
The living arrangement has changed and Daddy is not looking out for the welfare of his own kids if he's letting his daughters boyfriend beat them up.
And no 7 and 9 yr old should be sharing a bedroom with a 20 and 22 yr old - that's just insane.
I'd definitely have CPS doing well child checks on that household.
Reading the title of your post had me thinking. Then after reading your post and the ages of your boys I too was furious. A few things need to be done, a call to CPS, adults can't share a room with children your boys ages. I wouldn't send my kids over there not another day. They aren't spending time with their father because of his work schedule. Children back peddling on a story because they are afraid is a definite siren blaring cry for help. Be their defender. Talk to your attorney about what steps you need to take to legally protect your boys. Make up some viable excuses as to why the boys can't make their scheduled visits while you quickly get things into place. The 20 year old is not only out of line that couple shouldn't be sharing a bedroom with your sons. Not every closed eye is sleep, as my grandmother always taught us. What adult activities do you think your sons are being exposed to?
If I knew you personally I would be making that CPS call for you if you are too whatever to do it. I'm so mad right now. My inner momma bear is in an uproar. NO ONE MESSES WITH THE BABIES.
Get to calling and until it is resolved protect your babies from their father's crazy marriage related relatives.
Call the police and file a report. If they are being abused and get bruised your ex could call and report YOU. He could petition the court for custody saying you are abusing them and with no documentation he could win.
There are laws about how many people can live in a home. How many people can share a bedroom, who can sleep in a room with children etc. Talk to an attorney and find out what the laws are in your state.
I would contact my attorney and find out what your options are. Seems to me, there is way too much going on over there. Of course your boys don't want you to talk to dad. They are afraid of the consequences. Once you find out from the attorney, I would see about contacting CPS. There needs to be an investigation into the living conditions in that house!
I would love to have a couple of minutes with the boyfriend and explain how life was going to get very difficult for him if he EVER laid a hand on my kids again and I would go into so much detail he would understand that I meant business! Who in the hell does he think HE is????!!
GRRR mama bear is coming out!!! Not acceptable at all. You are going to have to rock the boat on this one. Good luck!!!!
Call cps. My youngest daughter is a mandated reporter and if she heard this story she'd have to call cps. Let them do the investigation which I'm sure will result in the daughter and boyfriend being put out. Also contact your lawyer and file to have all visitations stopped until cps finishes their investigation. I'd also ask for visitation to be modified since your ex isn't around most of the time the boys are at the house. It sounds like they'd be better off being with you all the time and having your ex skype with this since he's not spending time with them at all.
I would call CPS - IMHO, he's probably also punching the foster children which is definitely NOT ALLOWED! You could also call the foster care licensing authority and let them know that children are in the home with the daughter and boyfriend - I'm sure they are not aware and there may be too many people in the home. Foster licensing should also be told about the punching. I would say give dad a chance to correct it first, but if the boys are going to get into trouble for telling, then dad doesn't deserve that chance. Have you looked for light bruising on their arms? I would look, photo and document. If it's not dark enough to photo, have a witness look at it as well.
Report it to CPS. Make sure you mention the foster kids as well.
What everyone else says. Call CPS, and a lawyer if you have to. Your sons should not have to be afraid of their father. Punished by their father for telling that someone punched them????? Not on your life. Go mama bear on your ex, now.
He punches them? Ok, first I'd calm down and take some deep breaths. And here's the thing. When a child tells you that an adult is punching them as their "discipline" I wonder why another adult is advising you to give the adult that you don't know the benefit of the doubt on whether or not this is something you should take seriously.
Here's my advice. When your own child comes to you, or any other child under your protection, and they tell you OR you overhear them talking amongst themselves... it's your duty to believe them not to question the validity.
Their reaction to you saying you were going to talk to their dad was one of fear; fear of their bully/abuser beating them up again for "tattling." Making excuses for him is classic behavior for something like that. Think about it. If that young man is living there, even part time, that house sounds overly full and there's no room. There are two young boys living in a bedroom with two young adults, neither of whom they're actually a blood relation. Neither of whom seems to have a good head on their shoulders.
Talk to their father. If he doesn't respond in a way that satisfies you, which should include separating those boys out of that bedroom situation and instructing that boyfriend to never lay a hand on his boys again, I would file a report with CPS/DCYS. Your boys are likely not the only ones that young man is abusing when no other adults besides the stepsister are looking.
I would be livid as well. I think you do need more information and how do you get that? If you put dad on the defensive it probably won't do you any good in the long run. Maybe ask about the living situation first? I would actually consult someone to see how to handle this - a counselor perhaps. I would need someone to calm me down so I could handle the situation prductively.
