I have a blended family of 4 adult children...one just turning 18. My two children are very successful, while my husbands are not. Recently my youngest step son chose to steal my car,for the second time,against the word "NO", joy ride, break windows of others cars, get arrested 4 days before his 18th birthday, and get 2 speeding tickets. Of course one of those tickets he received while joy riding with my car. Needless to say he's been kicked out of the house for the 2nd time and I feel like I'm the bad guy. My husband doesn't have an opinion either way on this decision. My husband feels as though he's the mediator between the two of us. Should I stand firm on not allowing him to live with us any longer or allow him to move back in and continue with his issues and jeopardizing my home.
Thankyou everyone for your great advise. We met with my step son to find out if he could enlighten us on his actions. Of course it comes down to "being cool", and not accounting to anyone. As a united front, my husband has decided he cannont come back to our home and he will have to pay the consequences with the law. It's now time to focus on us and our future.
STAND FIRM!!! They have to learn sometime and if people keep feeding into there troubles neither will get anywhere
STAND FIRM!!!!!
I think that if you let him come back in then he will know that if he does it again then you will let him back in and he will never learn a lesson. 18 he is old enough to be on his own and let him go and stay with a friend. I would forsure stand FIRM with him!!
Do some research on "tough love". I think there is seminars and books. What a nightmare. Don't let him back in. The worst thing is to be an enabler.
P. in my opinion no matter if they are grown or not they will always be your responsiblity 18 or not. Yes he is having some hard times but this is when he may need you the most. Sometime when a child actes out its a way of crying out. Its sounds like you love him but tough love sometime is hard for the both of you. Just think about it.
I am not a step parent, but I feel bad for you that from the sounds of it you are having to be the parent. I think that you really need your husband to step up to the plate and be a dad. His lack of parental involvement is probably a part of the reason his children are in this predicament. I would work on resolving this issue and the rest will most likely fall into place. I would also gently remind the 18 year old that he is now an adult and the choices that he makes will affect the rest of his life.
Hi P. L,
Although I am not a step parent I felt an urge to respond. My first question is why doesn't your husband have an opinion either way? Both of you should be involved in this decision. I would say some counseling should be happening to find out why this son is acting out. There is a reason. I don't believe kicking him out will solve anything. He will continue his path elsewhere and possibly even still involve your family. 18 is a hard age to deal with. I have an 18 yr. old also. They think they know it all. I think you and your husband need to ask professional advice on what punishment would be appropriate for him and stick to it! Make very strict consequences. One suggestion would be to have him go face the people where he broke the windows and have him work for the money to replace the windows. Hope some of this helps. Good luck!
