Step Granma

Realize that she is their grandma...not by blood but by relationship. It's good for kids to have as many loving adults in their lives and when they are young, it is easier to go w/ "grandma" than to fouce "grandpa's wife" as they get older they get it but the title doesn't matter nor does the blood relationship...just the love.

well technology she is thier grandma...a step grandma. In our family my ex got married before I did and I set the ground rules... we have no "step" family. We are all family. Why add a label? That just puts a gap between them and its hard enough with out that.

While I understand where you are coming from and that it hurts to hear it, just be thankful that your family is comfortable enough and feels loved by her to give her that title.

by becoming a better person. You cannot hold grudges, hurt feelings, etc. They only drag you down & create a division within your soul....& your family.

Time to find Peace.

It may annoy you, but if there is a loving relationship there, you should not stop it. You chose to end your relationship with your ex, and that's totally ok, but they did not choose to end their relationship with grandma. Regardless of the legality, emotionally she is still their grandma. If the relationship has changed, that's something else, but if there is love there, do NOT try to stop it.

Do your best to think about what is best for your grandkids. They can't have too many adults in their lives that care about them. The more grandmas the better.

Is this a recent marriage? It can take time to come to accept a new reality. Although my stepchildren's mother is still angry and bitter about my very existence after 26 years... Her kids, now 29 and 27 are very aware of her feelings, and see her actions, towards me. It is not helped their relationship with her.

I've been a stepmom for 26 years and now I'm a stepgrandma to three (and expecting a fourth!). I am "Gramma S." to them. Their father's (my stepson's) mother chose to be called the German name for grandma. And their mother's mother chose to be called the Somali name for grandma.

you have to let it go. its their choice. my dads wife (who isnt my mom) is called grandma because she is there and i felt it was the right thing to do. she loves my daughter the same and has been there since before she was born. my moms boyfriend is not called grandpa because i dont feel that he wants to be called that. so out of respect my daughter calls him by first name.

really what does it hurt if they want to call her grandma? they still call you grandma.

By realizing that she too is now their Mom/Grandma?

be happy they have an extra set of people to love them. I'm sure it brings up some jealousy and stings a little. You shouldnt be ashamed of that emotion we're all human BUT thats not whats best for the kids. Whats best for the kids is to have a huge loving family that supports them. How awesome that they get an extra set of people who care and are willing to be called their grandma and pop.
I am not with my daughters dad and I assume it will sting if he ever remarries and she wants to call someone mom, but I actually hope for it too. I hope he finds someone who is great to her that she can bond with and helps raise her with love and kindness and puts her first and loves her like her own, and earns the lable of mom from Emmy. It doesnt make M. any less her mom! Goodluck! Sorry you're sad, I know it stings but be happy they have people who love them.

I sympathize. Think about why you feel this way and then apply reason and logic to your assumptions. You can change the way you think and feel by focusing on your thoughts and then telling yourself the opposite.

Positive affirmations help me. Say over and over to yourself that it's OK that she's called grandma. Then fake it until you make it. Gradually your mind will change.

Know that it's good for your kids and grandkids to have another loving person in their lives.

If it's just the name that upsets you (not the relationship) perhaps you could suggest that they call her something else. She could be Nana, Nona, Grammy, just a few possibilities. Or call yourself something else.

It is confusing to have several Grandmas. My grandchildren have several grandmas. We go by Grandma and our first name if there's a chance for confusion. Each grandchild has their birth parent's parents and then their step father's mother and the grandparents of their half siblings. I feel that they're rich in love.

You stop making it a negative in your mind because of your feelings and think of the children. How can it be bad for them to have more people they love in their lives?

Well as a grandkid (although now almost 50 years old) my 'step' grandparents were far more involved in my life than either one of my blood grandparents. I was thankful to have them and now cherish their memories.

*I was way too young when my parents divorced to have my own relationship with the 'ex'. Sadly, when I became an adult and forged that relationship on my own, too much time had passed and it was very difficult.

The way I see it you loved her once. Now your kids and grandkids still do. This is the family they were raised to love. She may not be part of your life directly but it sounds like they still want and need her in theres. I would look at it this way. Life is way to short to worry about these things. Enjoy the now with your little ones. Try not to worry yourself over this, you will feel a lot better once you let it go. :)

What do they call YOU? Is the woman good to your kids and grandkids? Do the kids love you any less? If you get to be identified as the BITTER one, it's going to get worse. So how do you get over it? Start ignoring it and be the grandma they all love and want to be with.

Blessings.....

Hi T.
Bless your heart! It just sux! You may NEVER get OVER it. But you will eventually learn to accept it. If you come at it in that perspective maybe it will be easier.
She must not be all that bad if even your kids call her grandma. Of course that isn't your point. Your point is YOU are the GRANDMA! I would also say you need to be careful not to be ugly to them when you hear them call her that or eventually they will start to resent you for being mean. Be the better person, and keep these feelings to yourself.
If you concentrate on your relationship with your kids and grandkids being loving caring and kind, then what is there to worry about? Take the attention off what you think you are losing and onto how you can make strong bonds with your family so that no matter who comes and goes you are the same.
Good Luck and GOD BLESS!
D.