Step Daughters Mom Wants Her to Live with Us Full Time Only If Theres NO COURT

I'm confused. You posted a big thing about her weight and baby fat, and how the mother gets mad when you bring it up. You said you bought the child a book and work on serving healthy food and snacks. By the time I glanced back at your prior posts and then clicked on this to answer it, the whole post had changed to an issue of physical custody and how sneaky the child is and how there's child support involved. So what's really going on here, Rachael? What is your primary concern?

We've told you in prior posts that you are overly involved. I'm happy to see that you changed the label in this rewrite to "stepdaughter" from your prior insistence (including the edited post) on using "our daughter" all the time. But again - this is a coparenting issue, and it's between your husband and his ex. Your job is support.

Based on what you've said before, I have to wonder if the mother is sick and tired of fighting with you two and of being criticized, and she is willing to give you 100% responsibility for her daughter so you can see how hard this really is. I'm a stepmother, as I have told you before, and I can tell you that this endless conflict will not end well. It won't. This child is going to be totally confused about living arrangements and the conflict between her mother and father (with her stepmother thrown in as another layer of drama), and she's going to know that she's a bargaining chip among 3 people who can't work together. It's all about battling, isn't it? You apparently have stopped worrying about stories/drama and shaved legs (prior posts) and weight (the post you wrote here and then changed to physical custody/child support).

Family counseling. Now. No change in that advice. You seem to be careening from one issue to another, switching focus faster than we can keep up. This is a horrendous way to raise a child. Your husband and his ex need counseling, and you need help navigating the perils of stepparenting.

Edited to Add: I see you have changed your name from Rachael to A.. I'm a little worried that someone has gotten into your account and is changing your posts.

This is a co-parenting issue.
Your husband and his ex need to communicate with each other and their pediatrician about their daughters health.
What you do is provide healthy foods and see that she has healthy choices available to her at least while she's at your house.

Some family counseling may be needed to get communication to the point where the mom and dad can talk without anyone feeling accused of anything.
And let's face it - you ARE worried that the girl is fat.
Maybe she is and maybe she isn't.
What ever the case - the girl needs to feel loved no matter what the numbers on the scale say.
If both her parents tend to be over weight - it might very well be in her genetics to be like her parents.
So do your best to gently guide - but go out of your way to accept her as she is.

Additional:
Your initial post was all about how your step daughter eats at your house and how you have to 're-train' her when ever she gets back from her moms house to exercise every day and you are concerned the girl is fat like her 'short stocky mom' and your husband is 200 lbs.
And now you've changed it.

Additional:
If the kid lives with you, the mom doesn't get child support.
Although maybe she should just live with her mom and your husband should just pay support.
If the parents aren't communicating well, and you're playing around with changing up posts on a parents site - the poor kid doesn't appear to have any mature adults involved in raising her.

Go to court, have mom sing over custody or some sort of agreement where you can file taxes on the child AND stop paying child support. Unless you are wealthy enough that giving away money each month is fun and you are FULLY able to do that then....well, I think it makes you look like you're an easy pushover. But that's me. We struggle for money so paying someone for something they aren't doing just to shut them up seems frivolous.

You need to amend your custody agreement or she could just change things up anytime she wants. Talk to a lawyer, no need to tell her you are doing this. Make sure you can prove you currently have full physical custody by the moms request.

Well that is really sad what the little girl's mom is doing. Still, it's between your husband and his ex, really. You can support your husband and this child by always making this young girl feel welcome, wanted and loved in your home. It may be tempting to skip the court's involvement, but it's very risky. I think I'd just caution my partner about that risk, and still be supportive whatever he wants to do