Step-Son Wetting the Bed....

Next time he sleeps there have him wear a pull-up.. I have a nephew with the same problem and my mother in law did just that.. And it worked..

Good luck

I know you've gotten plenty of responses but please read one more....I thought I was the only person in the world going through this exact same situation. I am married to my high school sweetheart who is also the father of my 3 year old. Along with the marriage came his now 12 year old son (yes, I was around when he had this child but that is another story). His son has had a bedwetting problem since he began toilet training and he still has it!! I suggested, about 4 years ago, that my husband take him to a counselor/psychologist. He did. The psychologist felt that there was a serious problem but that we had to stick to a routine and rules and not let up on him. The difference is that he lived with us at the time so rules/routines are a little easier when the child lives with you. First, buy a moisture resistant mattress cover so that he won't spoil your furniture (mattresses are expensive and the plastic covers work best). Next, purchase a large wall calendar and hang it up on the wall just high enough for him to reach it. For every night that we keeps dry, allow him to put a sticker (or draw a happy face) on the calendar. After a week (or you decide a time), reward him with something simple like making his favorite dinner. Then, and this is important, make him do ALL of the clean-up work when he wets the bed. He should gather all of the bedding and place them in the washer IMMEDIATELY along with his soiled underwear and pajamas. If you trust him, allow him to add the detergent and turn on the machine. If not, this should be your only job during the clean up. Don't allow things to pile up because IT STINKS!! Dad should take the most of the responsibility for enforcing this but you have to make sure that the son understands that he is responsible for cleaning messes that his body makes (just like cleaning the bathtub when you're done). It also doesn't hurt to start what I call the "Be Proactive" conversation. You and your husband sit down with him and tell him that his body belongs to him and no one else. He should know his body better than anyone else. If he knows that he has a bedwetting problem, it's time to start being proactive and not reactive. Go to the bathroom 3 times before bed WITHOUT being told. If it's getting late, refuse to drink any liquids WITHOUT someone having to tell you. I had this conversation with my stepson and I also told him that if I see a little more effort from him, maybe I'd understand a little more. He seemed to really listen to this. I could go on and on about this so I'll stop now. But, if you need someone to vent to (I know I need to do this constantly) please call me ###-###-#### Gina. There's no use in both of us going through this and not having anyone around who understands. Good Luck!

I would agree. This is his only thing he can control in a terrible situation of losing his family and, in his mind, being displaced and becoming a second class citizen by your new baby. I was one of those kids too and it feels awful. I think the best you can do is love him, don't scold him, but DO have him strip the beds and teach him to launder. Also, try to find some areas of his life that he CAN control that are more productive. For whatever the reason, the poor little guy's world has forever been altered and he is forced to like it.....my candid two cents as a step child. Probably not what you want to hear, but please consider this perspective........

K.,
It sounds like the biological mother is not helping stop the problem and blaming you for not waking up every other hour when you had come up with a creative idea to get him to stop by using an alarm clock...sounds like the mother is using the bed-wetting as a way for you and the boy's father to get annoyed enough not to have him stay with ya'll....the mother should be happy that something worked by using the alarm clock. She might even be suggesting him to act up and do such a thing, so that you get fed up and stop asking him to come over....just a thought.

Good luck...I think the previous suggestions are very good...I have a stepson (8 yrs. old) that lives with me full-time and bed-wetting started as an issue...we talked about it and it was really an anxiety issue we were dealing with....and once his fears were calmed and he knew he was safe and we made sure he didn't have any liquids after 7pm unless it was a small sip of something and he went to the bathroom before he went to bed - and ofcourse put on the plastic cover on his mattress...he did stop...

If your stepson is doing it when awake or in your sight I think it is more of a rebellion, attention-getting or trying to irritate you type of thing...which may or may not be coming from his biological mother....I'd be curious to how sincere he seems when he wets the bed...is he embarrassed, happy, could careless, matter-of-fact (i did it again-ha ha), etc...depending on how upset he is would gauge how soon is he really willing to stop doing it.

~H.
Mom to 3 kids (10 yrs., 8 yrs. , 2.5 yrs.)

Well, this same thing happened when I was eight and had to go to my dad with his NEW wife, you sound alot nicer than her though, anyway, it is change, change does weird things to kids.
He has a step-mom, step-sister and a totally different life. I still couldn't tell you why I wet the bed, it just happened.The goodnights are a great suggestion since it solves the blanket problem for you and will let you focus on him as a great kid, instead of feeling exasperation and frustration which will make a good relationship impossible, and as soon as a good comfort level is maintained, I guarantee the wetting will stop. Good luck!

Hi K.,
I am a professional nanny and have dealt with the "bed wetting" issue before. It sounds like your step son"s problem is more emotional than it is physical. Chances are he knows when he has to go to the bathroom, he is just refusing to do it to get a reaction. He may have feelings of not being in control because of his parent's divorce, so wetting the bed has given him another form of control over you and his parents, and one that he has found that sparks big reactions. He seems to have some major issues with his new family life situation and it is going to take patience to get through it.

My advice is to talk to him about his problem and make it clear that he is too old to be wetting the bed every night. Accidents will happen, but every nite is too much. It is his responsibility to go potty when he needs to and if he can't handle that, then he will have to go back into traing pants until he is old enough to take care of it. (he will probably feel too embarrassed and not want the baby underwear, which is a sign that he is old enough and knows better.) I would also let him know that until the problem starts to go away, he will get no liquids after 8pm, so it will help lessen the need to go in the middle of the night(this will also make him upset because it is taking away his freedom and control over his body and what he puts in it). I would also make sure to put a plastic matress pad on his bed to save your mattress, if you have not already. Make sure that if he pees the bed, that he also cleans it up every time. NO EXCEPTIONS! He made the mess, he cleans it up. If it is in the middle of the night, make a make shift bed on the floor until morning and then make him clean his bed first thing before he goes to school. Of course, he will need your help, but he should be in charge of it. This will show him that it makes more work for him, too, when he does this behavior. If he shows improvement, make sure to reward his behavior. Tell him that if he doesn't have an accident for 3 nights in a row, he can go to his favorite restaurant or whatever he likes to do. Extend the length of his goal to a week, then two weeks until he stays on the right path for a few months. Always be supportive, but aslo let him know that his behavior will not be tolerated any longer. If he continues to wet the bed and doesn't show any improvement, I would seriously consider talking to his doctor about counseling, because his problem is obviously too deep for you to resolve by yourself. And remember not to feel guilty because you are his stepmom and in the middle of a touchy situation. He wants discipline and guidance from every adult in his life, especially you. If you treat him like your flesh and blood son, he will appreciate you for the rest of his life, even though it may seem like that is years away. Good luck!!

S.

My 7 year old just stopped wetting the bed and it was after we used a Sleep Dry alarm (recommended by his pediatrician) to do it. It's an alarm that snaps through their clothes and has a speaker that snaps on to the shoulder. With the slightest bit of wetting, it goes off to wake them up, LOUDLY in their ear and will not go off until physically pulled off and the wet garments are changed. He also had to wear 2 pairs of underwear with this and that saved on the sheet/blanket changing as well. It only took 3 weeks of this alarm and he was trained. He just slept SO HARD, that he wouldn't wake up when he was doing it. It's not that he was being lazy, he just wasn't as developed as some other kids are in that area. Bed wetting is also genetic. It runs on my husbands side of the family. His mother wet the bed until she was 11. My husband did for awhile, but won't admit how old he was when it stopped. My 3 year old was potty trained at night before my 7 year old was. They are just 2 totally different kids. Another recommmendation, cut him off from all liquids by 6:30pm. A little tiny sip of water here and there is no big deal, but not full glasses of liquids. Also, they make those Good Nites for bigger kids. Ours wore those until we tried the sleep alarm too. We even tried waking him up at 11pm every night to go again. That didn't work either.

Do not be too hard on him. Some kids do it for no reason at all. It was a huge self esteem issue at our house and the Sleep Dry alarm was something he did for himself with just a little bit of our help. He just wanted to be out of those pull-up things and wanted to be able to do sleep overs, so he was motivated on his end. I do find it hard to believe he's not doing it at his Mom's house if he's doing it at yours. I think she's probably just not admitting to it for some reason.

Good luck

Had a step son at that age also when I first got with my husband whom did the same but not on purpose. We limited him any drinks after 7pm andmade him use the rest room several times before he went to bed. It took awhile for him to adjust but he did better. It is the childs responsibility to go to the bathroom but he sounds as if he is doing it as rebellion for his mom and dad splitting but just have patience I did now mine is almost 19 and stopped wetting the bed after about 1 1/2 years later.

K.,

Our son had/has trouble with this he is also 8- We try not to let him have drinks after dinner or if he does we try to make him stay up later & make sure that he gets to the bathroom a couple times before bed and wake him before we go to bed. Also switching to just water,no juice (eat fruit instead) or soda in the house will help the kids to not "over drink". Getting upset will only draw more attention to the behavior--and make things worse(trust me on this one!)The best thing you can do is let him know that you realize it's a "accident" and you still care for him. If these things don't help you may want to take him to a dr. Dr. M. Ann Block in Hurst is great--she takes the time to really investigate what may be causing problem & does not just medicate. Good Luck!

I saw someone post on not drinking past a certain time. I saw a new report on kids that drink alot of Red juice the red dye will over stimulate there bladder causing them to go more often. I wish you the best of luck.

Sounds like he's doing it intentionally, and maybe it's not happening until the morning, which means he likely doesn't have any problems other than laziness and trying to get you and your husband angry. Here's some ideas based on the "Parenting with Love & Logic" idea that it's really not YOUR problem. It's the kid's problem and he's got to find a way to solve it.
So, first off, make sure he likes being with you guys. He's much less likely to pull this stunt if he's enjoying himself.
Second, try not to be emotional about it. Be very matter-of-fact. The first night he's at your house, let him go to bed as usual. When he wakes up wet, pour on the empathy: "Bummer. This is so sad." (you really, really have to sound sincere, not sarcastic!).
You could say how all this laundry is adding up. You've already paid to do the laundry once, so he'll have to find a way to pay for the extra loads of blankets. If he gets an allowance from you, have him use his allowance to pay for cleaning the blankets. Literally take him to a laundry place and give him a lesson on doing laundry.

You could also address it like: "This seems to happen a lot, so maybe if we put our heads together, we can think of a way to get past this....Maybe we can have a brainstorming session. Would you like to have it after breakfast, or later this evening?" Let him pick the time. Then, when you sit down, get out notebooks and pens, and have him help come up with ideas while you all write them down. If he needs you to offer ideas, ask him, "Would you like some ideas?" and offer 2 or 3 suggestions that might get him thinking. Maybe "Some kids don't have anything to drink after 6:00. Do you think that would work for you?" or "Some kids get woken up at midnight to go to the bathroom. What do you think of that?" or "Some kids might have a reminder chart. For every time the bed it wet, you have to do an extra job around the house. For every time it's dry, you get to do something fun. How does that sound? (then have him help decide which jobs will be done, and which fun activities would be had)."
Whatever he picks, let him go through the process of writing the options down, drawing a line through the "no" options and putting a check mark or star by the "yes" options until you narrow it down to the final action plan. The visual will help it sink in with him.

Since he's not with you all the time, you and your husband should have some time to get a "game plan" together, then help each other stay consistent. He likely won't turn this around overnight, but if you stick to it, he's bound to come around.
Good luck!

I don't have children this age...mine are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2, but here is what I would do. If you feel you have addressed the reasons why he might be doing this...and feel he is doing it just for spite, I would put him in a pullup! I am certain he does not want to wear that. I would tell him he can stop wearing it when he goes three nights without wetting his bed. I bet he will stop! OR, you could tell him you will have to take him to a specialist b/c he is too old to be wetting his bed every night. I would just handle it as a matter of fact thing when you talk to him. I bet he will change his behavior pretty quickly. Just my two cents but it sounds like he is totally manipulating you two.

K.,

Our nephew does pretty much the same thing...he's 8 also! We have him wear "Good Nites" underpants when he sleeps just incase! Sometimes it's inherited, and not their fault, but he may just be doing for attention...seems a bit weird though! I have seen on tv, and have read studies...try not to make him feel bad about it, try the good nites and see what happens. Hope it gets worked out!

It sounds like your stepson isn't upset by this at all, just you and your husband. Which leads me to believe it is just behavioral as opposed to something he can't help, which explains why nothing so far has worked. Have you considered having a meeting with him with you, his dad, and his mom? Maybe involve her in it? Dealing with two families is tough for a kid, and sometimes they just need to see that the two families DO work together to make sure he's alright, you know? Or if that doesn't work, maybe you could set up a rewards program - find out what he likes and reward him.

I will assume that it is really just an attention thing - he comes to his dad's, and his dad has a whole new family - this happened to me as a kid and it was awful. I felt really left out and unwanted which wasn't the case at all, but little kids don't get that, they really don't.

Regardless what you do, I would try to involve his mother. I have a sister who married a man with children and the mom at first was a sworn enemy and life was terrible, and the kids were a nightmare. My sister finally called a truce and started really talking to her about co-parenting for the good of the children. They started communincating about what was going on at each of their houses and let the kids know they were doing this, and lo and behold, the behavior problems stopped!

I do wish you great luck, as blended families take very strong women to make them work.....S.