This is not right does anybody have any advice for me on what to do? My son is nine and he is very emotional. I was never married to the Dad. When my son told me that she was asking him questions he felt uncomfortable. He told me straight out that he knows that it's supposed to be between the counselor and him unless he feels comfortable about talking to them. My son is always questioned about what happens when he's with me. Plus Dad didn't come into his life until he was 3 yrs. old and the first question that came out of his mouth was Can I claim him on my taxes this year? His Dad and I used to get along fine until he married her. So now she of course hates me, and he does one minute, then he's ok the next.
If the step parent cares about the person they are probably trying to open a line of communication. I'd ask how it went and stuff like that too. He's family if the person is in fact a "step" parent, married to the parent. That means they are in their life, part of their family, and family's care about each other.
I don't understand this question. I could ask you for a million dollars, doesn't mean you must give it to me. So what if a step parent asks what they talked about, the step son only has to share what he is comfortable with.
You don't mention any threats, any anything. From what I read this could be a, "How was your therapist appt, did you have time to discuss what you needed"
More details? When my daughter was in therapy, I often asked her how it went, and whether or not she wanted to talk about it with me. I told her of course it was private and she didn't need to share, but sometimes she wanted to.
So no advice here without more specific info, age of child, family relationships, severity of trauma, etc.
Step Son needs to have enough conviction and confidence within himself to tell the Step Parent that those conversations are private. He should tell the Step Parent "if you have any questions about my treatments, you need to speak to my therapist."
Possibly the Bio Parent needs to remind the Step Parent that this type of information is confidential. Also, have the therapist mention to the child that he is under NO obligation to speak to anyone about their sessions.
I am not a Step Parent but if I found out my child was being drilled by a Step Parent in this situation, I would be livid.
There is nothing wrong with asking. But she needs to respect his answers. Tell him to talk to the therapist about it. But you need to not ask him either.
It sound like this is not the best co-parenting relationship. See if the counselor will recommend blended family counseling for ALL the adults so they can best support their child. Regardless of how you feel about her, she is in your son's life. You all have to work together. As a child of divorce, take my word for it - the adults need to act like adults and be civil or the kids pay for it.
I'm a step mom and the only way my husband knows what's happening in his kids' lives is when I or my mother in law asks the kids questions directly. Blended families are challenging for everyone. I would think the step mom is just trying to a way to communicate with your son on something that is important to him. If you have an issue with it talk to the step mom to see where she's coming from. Just to make sure its harmless.
Give your son the words to say, "Oh, we talked about therapy stuff. It's supposed to be between the counselor and I. I don't feel comfortable sharing that with anyone else."
He's old enough!
They ARE allowed to ask what he does with you. Don't you ask him what he does with his dad? That may just be a conversation starter, not malicious on their part at all.
I know it's hard sharing your son, especially with someone that wasn't even around in the beginning....the hardest years! Teach your son, role play with him even, about what he can say to his step parent.
L.
There is nothing wrong with asking. My entire family has been in therapy at one point or another and yes, we talk about our sessions. It's what normal families do. If there are things that are private that your son doesn't want to discuss then he can just say so and that should be respected, but there is nothing wrong with talking about therapy sessions. It's not a big secret.
I'd have time talk to the therapist about it - it would let the therapist know, and your son can get the proper language that way to know what to say. Perhaps the therapist will invite dad and stepmom to an appointment to set some boundaries and let them know what helps and what hurts the therapeutic process. It would also help if the dad would tell the stepmom to step back.
But if you create a tension between you and stepmom, it builds up more. Your son may need to be in therapy because of all these questions and all this feeling like he's on display or constantly having to report. If the dad is too uninvolved as a father, he may have married a more dominant sort of woman - and she may feel if she doesn't get involved, nothing gets done. Maybe she knows he's weak as a father?
Get the therapist involved and develop a plan.
I would take that as a sign of a concerned and active step parent. As long as he did not push for answers the child was not comfortable giving then there is not really an issue. If he pushed he needs to be reminded that what is said is private and the child will only share if and what they want.
This is kind of vague but all you can do is to tell them to respect his/her privacy and/or tell the child that he/she doesnt have to tell them anything. How old is this child?
His old is the child?
A younger child might need to be reassured that he doesn't have to talk about what he talks about in therapy at home.
An older child probably already knows that.
No, I agree. It's not right.
Are you the mom? Is this your husband?
You need to tell h to back off, if so.
Send the therapist a note or talk to him or her and tell them what's going on. The therapist will most likely either call or ask the step-parent to come in and will explain why this just isn't appropriate.
You don't say what your relationship to either the step-mother or the child is, but regardless of what it is, the step-mother probably won't listen to you if you try to intervene.
I'm not sure what the problem here is exactly. If step-mother is just nosey like myself then she may be trying to hear about him-not you, not your past partner, just a good old fashioned one on one. Don't worry about it. And it might be good to let him know he doesn't have to keep every secret all over the place, that's where kids get really mixed up.
