Starting Sleepovers

For me we did that as teenagers. My son was 9 yrs when I started letting him go to Lock Down Parents Night Out events at taekwondo. I don't get the push to start over nights so young. A lot of kids love the party part, but then call to get taken home come bed time because they miss their routine. A lot of kids have pull ups issues which they don't want their friends to know about. It's a must to know the parents hosting the party well at any age.

My twins (boy/girl) are going into 3rd grade and will be 9 this fall and I haven't let them have sleepovers with friends yet. I guess I just don't want to open that can of worms. They have sleepovers with their cousins (because we only see them 3-4 times per year) and with grandparents. The problem is, I believe my kids are very well-behaved and some of the kids that they want to have sleepovers with are very rowdy and a bit out of control at times. I would be more okay with them having a sleepover at some else's house, but I know I would have to reciprocate and I just don't want to. I guess I'll have to at some point, but not yet. I'm old fashioned, I guess. I didn't have sleepovers with my friends until I was in 5th grade. Good luck.

My daughter is 7.... will be 8 in a few months.
This summer, she had a sleepover... at our home. And I am having another one for her this weekend.. at our home. Same friends.
With 3 other girls. Her best friends. I also know the Moms well.
It was fun for my daughter and very special to her.... she even told me how much she appreciated my having a sleep over for her, at our home.
For my daughter, per her and her age now... she was 'ready' for that.

As far as her going to another person's home for a sleepover.... we will only do it... IF it is a close friend, whom we also know the parents well... and trust. And per my daughter's feelings on it.... and her comfort level. We are open with her and she with us, and we always discuss things like that... together.

I would not do it, sending her to a sleepover, if we do NOT know the family well, or if it is far away.

As for the sleepover we had at our home... it was very simple. We had pizza for them and snacks, a movie, and at this age, they just play on their own... and have fun. The girls had a ton of fun. And they were all good kids. Only 1 girl, before bed, wanted to go home and got 'home-sick.' So I called her Mom and they came to pick her up. It was fine... she said she had fun but missed her Mommy. Its okay. No harm and we made no big deal of it, but I comforted her and made her feel better.
All the girls, are 7 years old, that came to our home. Again, we and their families all know each other very well.

As for you... go with your comfort level and gut instinct.
We have already told our daughter, that we will not send her to sleepovers.... to someone elses home... until she is older... or IF we know them VERY well. And she agrees.

all the best,
Susan

I think you are wise to be figuring this out before you hit the issue. We currently have an 11yr old and 8yr old. We have limited where they have spent
the night to only close family friends, grandma's house and only 2 friends where we knew the family and the accommodations well.

Some parents are happy to have their child go spend the night somewhere - and I am happy to have their kids over at my house.

I don't believe in being paranoid but I believe that I can only be sensible and set my kids up for success. I do not allow them at situations where there are adult boyfriends, teen boys, husbands or situations I am not comfortable with.

Each kid is different in how they handle 'sleepovers' and when they are ready. Maybe start with Grandma's and go from there.

If you and your husband talk about her maturity level, how she sleeps at night ( any night time accidents, etc), how much she is influenced by others, etc and then set your rule/standards for sleepovers - it will make life easier- whether you allow her to start this year - or wait until she is in Jr High.

Good luck!

the 'pretend sleepover' is what we are planning to do as well. we won't let our children do sleepovers either, unless it is for a camp activity or the like with lots of supervisors. also, we won't let our children over to a friends home unless we have met the parents and feel comfortable with them

When I was a kid a remember being mad at my mom because I wanted to do a sleepover when I was about 7. I didn't get to do my first one until I was 9. My daughter did her first sleepover at 6. I was a bit of a wreck just because as a mom you worry, but she had fun. It was at a neighbors house across the street and while I may not know every detail about our neighbor I felt safe leaving my daughter there. I went over and talked to my neighbor for a bit, found out where the kids where sleeping and let my daughter know she could call anytime if she needed anything. She didn't have any problems. I think its a balance of letting your kid grow up and gain confidence and what you are comfortable with. I knew my daughter was ready, she is very independent. You know your daughter and what she is capable of. As for me we will try to host our first slumber party next year for my daughters 8 birthday because by then I will be able to handle a couple of extra girls for the night. Good luck.

My daughter has only been to one other home for a sleepover. She calls them "Stayupovers" - where you go to someone's house and stay up all night playing. I was extremely nervous, and I have to tell you, I only barely feel comfortable with it, because this mother is a single mother, very very active in her church, lives across the street from her own parents, and next door to her sister and brother-in-law. The sleepovers often include the Pastor's daughter, and her own niece, and she has no boyfriends or stay over men of any kind. I think until my daughter is old enough to physically fight someone off if she had to - I feel nervous about being in a home with another man or teenage boy etc..
On a similar subject - another friend just invited my daughter for a sleepover. The mother said to me - "I think that you and I think alike, so I can tell you that my husband will be out of town for 2 days on business so it would be a "girls" sleepover and you can stay if you like or not. I 've met your dog, and you've met mine so I know I don't have to worry about that - but we've never even discussed if there are guns in the house and if so where they are etc." OMG!!!! I never even THOUGHT about the pet and gun issue - and I'm appalled that I didn't because usually I've very cautious - but these are serious issues that should be addressed! That one was a last minute invitation and we had other things going on so it didn't work out - but boy did it give me some things to think about. I think as this issue comes up - I'm going to try and be the "host" more than the one sending the kids - then I won't have to worry. Also - I like the "pretend" sleepover idea that someone else mentioned. Hope that this helps! Good luck!

my daughter hosted her first sleepover for her 8th birthday. she was allowed only two friends. all three had a great time. very simple - small dinner, craft, board game and a movie. both of her friends had been on sleepovers before so there were no issues of "homesickness".

my suggestion to you would be to use your best judgment - trust your own comfort level. you know your daughter better than anyone. sometimes it's easier for the first sleepover to be under your roof, then you will feel more comfortable about what goes on. it will also give you a chance to get better acquainted with their parents.

I'm not a big fan of sleepovers anyway. I only allowed my children to stay the night over certain family members and a selected few of friends houses. If you don't interact with the parents follow your conscience it will not steer you in the wrong direction.

Well my kids slept at relatives houses much younger. Having friends sleepover with my oldest child started when he was 8 yrs. His last two b day parties were sleep overs with about 8 boys.
I don't ever want to have a sleep over b day party again. Its too many kids.
He has sleep over through out the year with just one friend each time. The kids get to bed at a more normally time.

I can't speak from a parents POV but as a child I had sleepovers with my cousins when we were around 6-7 just to get us all used to staying away from home here and there should we need to be away without parents in an emergency. However, with I don't remember having sleepovers with classmates/friends until I was around 9-10 years old. On the same note, I don't really remember a time before I was about that age where I slept at another friend's house either.

well i let my kids sleepover their friends house when she was 6 i meet the mom and we talked and her daughter was very respectful so her mom must teach her well so i decided to let her stay over and then since my daughter stayed over she let her daughter stay at our house as well

Growing up I never had a sleepover until I was old enough to drive. I wouldn't allow my kids to go to a sleepover unless it was an emergency and I knew the family really well. My kids have spent the night at friends houses but they didn't have kids their age. The one time they spent the night with another child was when I had the baby and she was alot younger then them. If your child really wants a sleepover, I agree with the other posters about having "pretend sleepovers" or having them come to your house and then having a time that they have to be quiet and lights out.

I wouldn't let my kids go to a sleep over to anyones house that I was not friends with, that I had not spent time in their home and they in mine. I am an old fuddy duddy but I know that things go on behind closed doors and if I don't know the family very well then the kids won't be going.

When they are older, maybe as a preteen then they can go to a classmates home for the night but not before I know they are educated about sexual advances made by adults and other kids and how to handle them and say no. I know from experience that things get out of hand and peer pressure can make it impossible to resist.

What i did with my eldest (now 13) at that age is have "Pretend" Sleepovers - They come to my house with their PJs, Pillows, Blankets/sleeping bags and we watch Movies, have Pizza/Popcorn/Ice Cream/etc.., Play Games, be silly - do hair/nails (you get the idea) and then they go home with mommy & daddy sometime after 10/11pm - I know it is late but they have fun and they usually will sleep in the next day :)

We just had our very first sleepover this past Thursday night. A little girl who is the same age as my oldest daughter spent the night at our house, the kids are 9/10 and my youngest is 8 and she was also with the girls. It went well and we tried to keep bedtime pretty close, they were maybe an hour off and then fell asleep a little after going to bed. My concern was the sleeping arrangement but with sleeping bags and pillows everyone ended up on the floor. Both my girls have Down syndrome so this whole thing was a real big deal on whether it would work out, the friend is a typical kid without a disablility. I was real happy and would do it again, but plan for some games or rent a fun movie for them to watch but other than that it was a positive experience. My husband was home, he gets home late in the evening and leaves shortly after our kids get up so he wasn't there much. I do know the mom of this friend and would not have had it if I hadn't known her though. Good luck