Starting Kindergarten - Minneapolis,MN

Based upon the experience of my friends, they would recommend starting a year later, even with girls. None of them had any problems until about 2-3 years into school. Interestingly enough, with the girls, the problem seemed to be with reading. The other kids could pick up on it much faster (i.e. reading paragraphs and whole pages) while their children were lagging. Because the school sysem now doesn't believe in having children repeat a grade, they ended up being in a big pickle. They had to resort to extra tutoring after school and in the summer.

I don't have any fancy advice, other than to say wait another year. My logic is that waiting will cause no harm, whereas putting her in school right away could. Why take chances? Just wait.

You dont need to make the decision now, so wait it out and see how things are next summer. You can even wait til right before school starts to decide. We held back our summer bday dd, didnt decided until the day before school was to start. It was 100% the best decision we could have made - for her. Every child is different, though, so you need to see how your dd is doing at the end of next summer. I dont doubt for a minute that we made the right decision for her. She fits in very well, is smaller so is the same size, she seems a little ahead in some areas so that gives her confidence, etc. I much prefer her being one of the older kids through out the years than one of the much younger ones. You will do what is right/best for your dd.
Good luck
S.

I certainly see all the pros to waiting - my husband's mother waited to send him and it turned out very well, and we have other family members who were pushed ahead and I wonder if that was detrimental to them socially and academically? And this was in the 70's in Illinois where the "cut off" was 1 December. Now it is 1 September, and yet I hear all the time about parent's with kids with summer birthdays (and even spring birthdays()all up in arms about starting their kids early. See, if this was in the 70's all the kids with those summer birthdays it would sort of be a non-issue....but here's MY concern - if ALL parents start to ignore the age guidelines, then it starts to skew the entire system. My son's preschool experience is a case-in-point. His birthday is 1 June, yet he is the YOUNGEST 3 year old in the class. All the other parents with children who turned three in June, July, and August put their children in a classroom with kids who are 2 going on 3....it turns out to be a lot of kids - ones that my child was probably more compatible with in terms of age, development, social skills, etc. So now I feel like my child, who I didn't really have any concerns about, is now sort of "unnaturally" the youngest in the class, and it shows. The teachers are doing a great job with him, but he's definitely in "follower" mode. I just wonder if a few more parents went ahead and actually followed the guidelines, then there wouldn't be as much of an issue. Somebody has to be the youngest, and somebody has to be the oldest in any given classroom, right?

It sounds as if you think she is ready now, so I'd say start her on time. My birthday is August 25th, and I started on time. When it came to middle/high school, I never questioned my age in relation to my peers. I was one of the youngest in my class, but it really wasn't a big deal. I think I would have felt much more conspicuous if I had been older than everyone else. I'd have always been explaining why I was "held back". My best advice is to not overthink it and just go with your gut.
Good luck,
B. M.

I will be having the same issue in a two years. I want her to be 6 when she starts Kindergarten. My sister started Kindergarten at 6 instead of 5. My parents thought it was one of the best decisions that they could have made. She would have done well at school as a 5 yo K kid, but she became a leader and things came pretty easy for her. I've never heard someone say that they regret keeping their child home another year. Good luck with your decision!!

I have a daughter whose birthday is Sept. 3. She turned 5 two days after the cut off date. We ended up sending her at that point. She has always been very mature and social. She is currently in third grade. She has had no problems and keeps up with the rest of the kids with no problems. Like you said there are some kids almost a year older than her and others just a couple weeks older.

We also have a son who turned 5 Aug. 15. We decided to keep him home. Not because he is a boy, but because their personalities are so different. He isn't outgoing and much more immature than she was. I am so glad we kept him back because he is doing so well in preschool and is really getting more comfortable in his own skin. I have haven't heard anyone that has regretted holding their child back.

Since having children on both sides my advice would be to go with your gut feeling. If you feel like she is ready then send her. Either way don't worry about what other people think.

Delay her attendance one more year unless she already has very well established friendships in the cohort of children entering this Fall. She absolutely will have more maturity and ability to cope w/ stresses in high school. Two of my daughters were "Fall Babies" so we didn't even have to consider it. They turned 6 just a month or two into the school year. Although they could already read before they entered K-garden, they weren't the least bit bored as there are all those social and school routine things they learn that first year. You are very wise to be taking the long view. What you do now really can impact success in high school. You are also in a position to teach your children how to have a balanced life now so they will make good decsions later. Good luck.

My best friend and I had children born the same day in June. I kept my son out and she sent her daughter although they went to different schools. While her daughter matured faster then my son, she ended up repeating kindergarten. She was in a small school and there wasn't any trouble with that but in some schools with some kids it can mean being teased. I always figured it was better to be one of the oldest in class then one of the youngest so it wasn't ever a question in my mind to keep my June baby out until he was 6.

The worse thing about keeping them out, they turn 18 before being a senior in High school and with that they can act like an adult and not need your permission to leave school or move out of the home before graduation. On the other hand they are 19 when they go to college and can handle the seperation a bit better.

My husband and I are in the same situation. Our son will turn 5 2 days before the cut-off. I think we are going to wait to send him. My advice is to go with your gut. I don't think it can hurt to wait to send a child especially if you have no concerns about their development or academic ability. Good luck!

My daughter's birthday is August 30th and we struggled with this same situation. She is also very smart and pretty mature for her age. We talked with her preschool teachers and they helped us in coming up with a decision. Her teacher told me that its probably better to wait a year if we were unsure. She also told me that of all the people she knew who waited a year, not one of them regretted it, only the ones who sent early regretted it.I think emotionally, she benefited and will benefit in the future as well. Abby's now in 1st grade and doing great.
This was a very hard decision for me to make. Good luck and do what YOU feel is right.

My daughter bday is 8/29

I was in a hurry to send her to kindergarten and boy do I regret it. She went at age5 and while everyone else was either 6 or about to turn 6 she was barely 5. She's a very smart intelligent girl but maturity wise she is a year behind these kids, a head shorter and the very last to lose any teeth. My daughter is now in 2nd grade and doing just fine academically but that's it just fine, I KNOW if she wasn't sent to school so early she'd be doing 10x better though. Her teacher made a comment at confrences about how wonderful she is blah blah and then asked if she was younger because the way she handles situations and this and that confirming once again she's a year behing these kids maturity wise and if you think about it kids brains are like sponges but all the other kids have an entire year worth of more things to sponge up and grasp.

Like I said my daughter is doing just fine, but she would be doing 10x better if she'd started school closer to age6 and I do regret my decision. Another thing to think about is sports as well, my daughter plays soccer and it goes by grade level and so she's the smallest on the team etc....

I started kindergarten a few days after I turned 5. I didn't have any problems in school or athletics. I my parents were strict about how many activities I involved myself in though. I went to a big high school were there were many 4 sport athletes and they were also involved with other clubs. I think that some parents let their kids over do it. Kids want to try everything in high school and that's okay, but I think it is the parents responsibility to reign them in a bit and help them set realistic standards. I graduated with a 3.9 gpa and was involved in band, softball, and a few academic clubs. I took honors classes and even took a few college level courses in high school. I now have my own daycare business and care for 12 children and participate in a preschool program for my daycare children. Just follow your gut instinct. If she is academically and socially ready, why hold her back? Our community has a optional kindergarten program where kids that are old enough to go to kindergarten but may not be ready can go. Good luck.

K., you will hear both sides of the argument. Eventually you just have to do what you think is best and stand behind it. We went through this with our son (late July bday). He is in first grade now and I still wonder if we made the right decision.

But, some things that really helped us decide to hold him a year were these wise comments from others:

1) A teacher can always give a child more of an academic challenge in school if they need it, but they cannot make your child on the same social level of the other kids. (meaning if you hold them back and they are bored, they can work with that. But if you send them and all the other kids are much older or socially advanced, they can't really do anything to make them "fit in".)

2) What is not a problem now, might be later when a majority of the other kids hit puberty, start dating & driving long before your "younger" child.

3) Imagine your 17-year-old graduating and your just-turned-18-year-old going to college.

4) Because so many kids on the cut-off border are held back, if you send your daughter she could be more than a year younger than her older classmates.

and last but not least,
5) I've never heard anyone who held there child back a year say they wish they hadn't. But I have heard several that sent them young say they wish they had waited.

If you live anywhere near Golden Valley, Calvary Lutheran Pre-K has a class called "Kids Club" that is especially for 5 year olds that didn't go to Kindergarten, but could have. It is a great kindergarten-like class and all the kids are the same age. Good luck K.. It's a hard decision.

K., I started kindergarten right away (my b-day is end of July). I was always one of the youngest in my class. By nature I was a fairly shy kid and always behind in the maturity department. My mom has said many times that she wishes she had waited a year to send me to school. As a result of being so much younger and immature I did not enjoy school. And as I got older I tended to hang out with a questionable crowd because I didn't have the confidence in myself to fit in with the more popular kids. You need to think about your daughters personality, is she a leader or a follower?

my daughter misses the deadline by a month so she has no choice but I have spoken with a lady who use to teach first grade and she said the older kids always did a lot better, girl or boy. If you think about it they will be first in their class to drive, date, etc... which switched around to be the youngest they will be last to do all of those things. I believe that of course as they get older they will perform better than the younger kids who still have a hard time sitting still. I guess it just depends. i think as long as they are given harder things to do(if what they are doing is too easy for them) and the teacher recognizes their abilities and makes sure they are learning something and they aren't bored then it would be fine. you can be really involved, as involved as you want to be, to make sure she isn't bored and acting out because of that. Good luck, it's so hard to know what is best for our kids! with all that is going on lately I'm so tempted to home school do you have any opinions about home schooling?

My daughter (now age 10 in the 5th grade) also has a summer birthday. I took the advice of her preschool teachers, who all said she was ready, and haven't had any problems since. In fact, she is the tallest girl in her class, has already hit puberty and everyone assumes she's about 12. Therefore, I'm glad we did not hold her for a year because at this point, she would really stand out as the tallest and most developed 4th grader in the whole school. I have a mid-Sept. birthday and started kindergarten before I turned 5. (The rules were less stringent then and I had a few classmates with Oct. and Nov. birthdays!) Starting school at an early age didn't hinder me academically, socially or athleticly. Trust your gut on her maturity level. You wouldn't want her to become bored with work that it too easy for her. Also, I think that my parents were relieved that I was one of the last to get my driver's licence, to be of legal drinking age, etc. Good luck with your decision!

Dear K.,

I feel for you. This is a very tough decision all around.

I had to make the same decision. My daughter would have turned 5 two weeks after kindergarten started. Yes, she "made" the cut off date, but we decided not to send her that year. I was having a very hard time sending my 4 year old off to school. We also had another child 13 months younger that missed the cut off date. I decided to wait so that they would be back-back in school b/c they are only one year apart. Also, I thought about all the things you are thinking about. I wasn't concerned at all about the academics of early elementary years but rather, was concerned about her being the last one to drive a car, etc.

Also, if I had sent my daughter right before she turned 5, she would have missed the age deadline for soccer, softball, etc and would have had to play with girls a grade younger. I decided it made sense for her to be able to be in sports with her classmates and waited that year.

Fast forward a bit, my daughter is now 13 and in 7th grade. As hard as it is to admit, I think overall, it would have been much better if I had sent her earlier. She has always been a bit mature for her grade and sometimes it's harder "fitting in" with these kids. (She does better with the kids a grade above her.) Also, academically, she is VERY ready to move ahead. I am also a teacher and we have supplemented at home. Overall, our daughter does very well in school, but socially and academically would have benefitted from being in the grade above hers.

By all means, if there are any "red flags", then I would wait. (social or academic reasons) However, if academically and socially she is on target (or above) I guess I would seriously consider sending her. In my experience, waiting didn't give her "an edge" but seemed to cause some frustration. I have no doubt that my daughter would be perfectly fine academically and socially if she were a grade above. (In fact, it would probably be a much better fit.) (I also have a child in high school and one in college, so I know the pressures/stress she'll be facing, but I still think she'd be fine.)

Good luck with this decision.

We waited. My daughter was 6 in July and then started Kindergarten. I was a August birthday and could really see a difference in my own experience(mainly high school) and wish that my parents would have waited. It was not a choice for academic reasons, it was for social. Our daughter is reading and enjoys learning, she does complain that at times school is a little boring. At her conference last month we were told she is a very positive leader in the class and also very caring and helpful to others not at her ability level. THAT is why we chose not to send her at the cut-off date. I remember the principal telling us that she has never had a family regret sending their child "late" but has had many that regret the other way later, in the upper grades.

Hope that helps!

Hi K. -
My daughter is 5 and is in Kindergarten. She turned 5 right at the cut-off - her bday is August 30th. She was in Pre-K for 2 years which I think helped find out if she was ready for Kindergarten or not. That way, I wasn't the only one making the decision - I based it on her readiness as well as the teacher's recommendations. She has done well so far. Academically she's doing great. But, in my opinion, she does lack some social skills - expressing herself rather than acting out. But, we are happy with our decision. My brother (who was adopted from Central America) also has an August birthday. I remember my parents being on the fence about when to start him in Kindergarten. He was adopted at age 2 and spoke mostly Spanish. My parents had him attend Pre-K at age 4 and after discussing it with the teacher - they decided to have him go through Pre-K one more year. Due to his language skills being mostly in Spanish first, he was a little behind but he mostly struggled with sitting still and listening to the teacher. So when he was 5, he went to Pre-K at public school and the other days at a parochial school. By age 6 he obviously was more ready in all areas. I do think girls are quite different than boys but I know that my daughter is in school with some boys that are close in age to her (also having August birthdays). Back in the day, my mom went to Kindergarten at age 4. I know she went through some testing to do so (plus, her mom was in the hospital at the time - so, it was best for the family). She did great - socially and academically. I really think it depends on the person and your communication with the teachers.
About the pressures on kids today - speaking from a former coach's perspective as well as a parent, I truly believe it has a lot to do with parents' expectations. Focus on your child's interests . . . talents . . . allow them to make decisions and support them. Many of the pressures seem to come from peers and parents. Unfortunately in HS there is a lot of pressure but it is usually due to unrealistic goals.

I think by the time she gets that busy, her age will not matter. Girls "tend" to be a little ahead of boys anyway that way. My girl just turned 6, in in Kindergarten, and she could so be in first grade. Her teacher told us that by the end of the first month of school. She is reading books, spelling and writing on her own, and doing math problems up to 100. Of course she was talking full sentences by the age of 2, at least. Big words too.Guess it really depends on how your child is and how well she has picked things up in pre-school. Nuture and nature both are key elements here....

I have two boys and I totally understand your dilemma. With my first son, June birthday, I had to hold him back as we had moved to Ohio his third grade and they were much further ahead so when we moved back the next year we had him repeat 3rd grade and that was a great decision. My second son has an April birthday. The testing showed he was ready, however, I just thought why not be safe than sorry so he did a 3rd year in preschool. That was a great decision too! He had the maturity he needed and developed a great self esteem. He graduated top 5% in high school and was able to graduate college summa cum laude, took only 4 years, worked 36 hours a week while in college, and did a radio and TV show. His confidence and creativity have helped him to be successful in his career and his maturity has helped him to develop wonderful relationships too. My only regret is that I wished I had held back my first son right from the start. Do what your inner voice is moving you to do for your daughter as you know your child best.--R. H.

I have a daughter right on the cut-off and we sent her - and like the others who have responded I agree each child and situation is different. My daughter was definately academically ready. We were a little concerned socially but deep down inside I know my child is a sensitive kid who will always be that way and waiting another year to start kindergarten will not change that. We expressed our concern about her age with both her kindergarten and 1st grade teachers they both said - you would never peg her as the youngest in the class. There are kids a full year older other than the fact they have lost all there teeh - you would think they were younger than our daughter.

I think about middle school and high school as well but I also landed on the fact that it is always going to be hard no matter what age they are - age is a number - it is how we help them grow that will determine if they can handle.

What ever you decide - stick with your decision and don't look back. Second guessing yourself won't change anything and you will know what is right for your child.

Hello K.,
My daughter turned 5 mid-August as well and she started K this past fall. I thought the same as you; she was socially ready and a bright girl, my biggest problem was she is TINY for her age, but she makes up for it with her personality! The first thing I did is find out online different kindergartin readiness programs. I wanted to see if just because I thought she was ready so did others! I wanted to see how she compared and what she "needed" to be ready for school. Also she did her K screening and I asked the opinion of the teacher putting on the exam as to whether or not she thought my daughter was ready; and although they can't say yes or no she said "if it was her child she would enroll her." I also think that 1/2 day K isn't that bad. The kids are only there a couple hours and still have to play and be kids. I thought I would give it a shot and if it didn't work out she can always repeat K a lot easier than repeating other grades later on. So far she is adjusting really well and LOVES school, she's learning a ton and making new friends. Most K teachers want the kids to "want" to learn they don't want to force it at that age, but i would also share your concerns with the teacher if you do decide to start your daughter.

C.
Full-time student, part-time worker and Single mom to a 5 year old daughter.

Hi K.
I was in your place not too long ago. My daughter has an August birthday and I struggled all last year with what to do. I actually didn't make a decision until about a month before school. Everyone I spoke to, including the kindergarten teacher, said if there is any doubt, then wait. It can't hurt to wait a year, but you can't take back the regret of starting too early. My daughter was social and went to preschool. My concern was her lack of wanting to learn numbers and letters and didn't follow directions as well as I thought she should. I was torn between what to do. Her preschool teacher said she was one that could go either way. I finally made the decision to wait a year because I know about regret and not following my gut with my oldest child. She has now been in a new preschool for three months and is accelling way beyond my expectations. She can write her letters in upper and lower case, she can tell me what letters are in each word, she is counting to 30. This is my child that didn't have a desire a few months ago and could only write her name. Her teachers think she will be reading by the end of the year. I was hesitant about my decision at first, but I have no regret in holding her back and feel that this extra time was a blessing.

When making the decision, initially it had been about whether I felt she was ready. But then I started considering the future. Do I want my child to be the youngest kid in class or barely 18 when starting college. The more I thought about it, I felt that putting her in school wasn't setting her up for success. I didn't want to regret my decision when the repercussion of my choice started showing in second grade. So like I said before, there is no hurt in holding back.

Good luck! I know this is a very difficult decision to make.

Every situation and child is unique. I have to agree that no one regrets waiting a year and there are more options with that decision as time goes on. Our oldest daughter has a September 3rd birthday. We went against a lot of pressure to send her before her 5th birthday since she was an advanced reader. Like you, our concerns went well beyond the elementary years. We thought about middle school and high school and how challenging those years can be socially. It's hard enough to get through those years with esteem in tact, let alone being the youngest. We would rather her have that extra maturity behind her. She's now 7 and in first grade. Her kindergarten teacher, who we adore, recommended accelerating her a year, but we stuck with our decision. Had she been bored or really wanted to skip a grade we would have considered it but she's happy and doing great where she's at. Also, we've been super fortunate to have a great TAG resource and children of similar abilities in her grade. I wish you luck with your decision, I know it's difficult and I honestly still catch myself second guessing myself but I know this was the right decision for our daughter. I'm sure you'll find your own way.

I have three kids all with August birthdays. Two of my kids are in school. One I waited until she was six to send her. My other daughter I sent at five. Every day I kick myself for it. I wish for maturity reasons, I would have waited. She is smart as a whip and does well socially but when I see her with her class you can tell the different in maturity level. I will wait till my son is six to send him without a doubt.

There are arguments for both and I feel that it is an individual decision for each child. I was born in October and actually started kindergarten at 4. I didn't feel stress from this. My son is a June baby and I had a lot of people telling me to hold him back but I could tell he was ready and he has done beautifully. Some of the arguments to hold back were more maturity, he will develop earlier and be stronger in sports etc. but he would also drive earlier, turn 18 earlier and have more peer pressures that way. There really are pros and cons to each and either way you choose high school and teenage years are difficult.
Good Luck with your decision!
~M.

I have two teenage daughters that were born in July and August. We decided to send them both to school when they turned 5. I can't tell you if this was the right thing or not, but they have both managed very well, academically and socially. Over the years they have been involved in many extra things besides school work, sometimes so much that I would check and ask if they felt overextended. If I felt it was too much we cut back but that rarely has happened. I think regardless of when your daughters start kindergarten you just have to make sure they feel balanced and okay with everything in their life. The only thing my girls have complained about is being the "babies" of the class when it comes time for driver's training and tests, otherwise they never felt like they were too young for their grade. Do what is right for you, my kids have plenty of friends in their respective grades that are a year older than them and it doesn't seem to be problem. Good luck, I know you will do the right thing, just don't second guess yourself, go with the decision and make it final.
K.

I had the same worries when I was pregnant with my August boy. But within months of his birth, I knew he was going to be more than ready for Kindergarten when he was just 5 years + 2 weeks old. He is smart, verbal, charming, knows how to play w/others, and does well in new situations. But, in addition, I know my husband and I are ready...Ready to be very "present" in this transition from pre-school to "real" school just in case he does need a little extra support.

That said, I can also say that my mom tried to get me into kindergarten early because as an October baby, I would be among the oldest in my class. The district was more than willing to take me and their only concern was my size...Very small. And so she waited just for that reason. I was still the smallest kid in my grade so I guess it didn't help much.

You make the call. If you and your daughter are ready and standard testing says she's ready - Go for it!!

K. - that is a good question with no easy answer. My daughter was in the same situation. She turned 5 in August. We chose to send her because she was ready academically. Sometimes I wonder if she was ready socially. But she marched to the tune of a different drummer and I don't think being a year behind would have mattered. She participated in sports but those girls weren't her friends. She had and still does have a very small circle of friends.

She is now a sophomore in college and academically doing very well. A double major in the sciences. She still has only a small handful of close friends and sees her high school friends and church friends regularly. But she is a very strong person. She knows what she wants in life and is ready to pay the price to get there. I think she scares the pants off of boys because she is so strong. Therefore, she has never had a date.

Personally, no matter what you choose, high school (and all levels of school) is extremely stressful these days. We've made life so difficult for our children that we forget that they are children. My grandchildren have homework every night in Kindergarten! How ridiculous is that?!

One thing to consider, if you hold her back a year starting Kindergarten, will she be bored and never reach her full academic potential because of school comes so easy?

good luck,

D.