S.P.
Wow, I remember that. I've done it twice now. It takes some adjustment... we survived it by finding ways to stay connected so that I still felt like a big part of their lives.
Ok, so here are the things we did:
1. Kept phone contact - first and foremost. Make sure he feels free to call you, even long-distance, whenever he needs you. Talk about a reasonable number of times a month for a phone call, and let him know that it's not to check up on him - it's to help you get through the separation! Make sure it doesn't cost him anything to call you, whether it's free long distance on his cell, collect, or you getting an 800 number (free except for cost of actual calls). And don't be surprised if the calls come at odd hours. Both of my daughters sometimes call very late into the evening, because that's when all the activity stops and in the quiet, they miss me. I don't know if it is right or wrong, but I took those late calls, and was glad to have them. If I tried to insist that they call at "a decent hour," I don't know if I would have talked to them as much.
2. Send silly care packages just like camp. It made us both feel good when I put together shoeboxes full of helpful and silly stuff. They're still kids in some ways. A slinky is still fun, no matter your age. A role of film or if they don't have a camera, then a disposable one. Home-made cookies, new socks, novels, comic books, something you know he can't afford but would love to have - whatever you know he needs or likes.
3. Hometown newspaper. Our religious community puts out a monthly newsletter that talks about stuff and people. I got my daughters on the mailing list, just to help them feel they hadn't been cut off from all the people and activities of home.
4. If you're both computer-connected, consider "chatting" online often. My daughters and I have naturally gravitated toward "meeting" on the computer many nights around 11p.m. - when their lives settle down for the day. Plus, if they're on your "buddy list," (AOL or Trillian are both free now) you can see their comings and goings and it's sort of like knowing where they are - or at least when they're by the computer.
5. Be sure to visit campus on parents' weekend. It is comforting to see all your kids' hang-outs - where they sleep, eat, attend class, catch a meal off campus - and to meet their assorted friends and even attend a class with them, if your college is set up to allow that on parents' weekend. Being able to envision their environment is very calming! And try to visit at least one other time during the year. That way, their friends aren't all involved with their own parents, and you can take your son's best buddies out to dinner and a movie. I loved doing that. When I saw how tight my daughter and her friends were, I was able to worry a little less. She had a first line of defense against loneliness!
6. Be prepared to feel depressed. When it comes over you, reach out to your child for contact, but also add something back into your life that escaped when kids took it over. For me, it was school! But it could be painting, listening to live music, ice-skating, more lunches with friends, yoga, etc. Just reward yourself with something you love for a job well done with your son!
I hope some of this helps. Even though I've got a second batch of kids at home to distract me, I still miss my daughters (24 & 22) terribly. But we stay in very good touch and I still feel we are very much a part of each others' lives. And a funny thing has happened along the way. They've grown up some and become rather independent (as you hope they will), and the relationship has evolved from a simple mother-child thing to something more rich and complex. My daughters are still my kids, but in some delicious ways they have become now my friends too. I don't think we could have reached this place unless they'd had the space to take responsibility for themselves, and to finish growing up.
Good luck, God bless and let us know how it goes...
