As someone who has this disorder, there are a few things I want to tell you. First, a naturopath will not cure him. He need pharmaceutical meds, not supplements. The supplements might make his "normal" times feel more normal, and they may spread out his cycles so he spends more time being normal but they aren't going to take the disease away. Personally, and again this is in MY CASE, I find that the longer I go without a depressive episode, the longer and stronger it is when it finally rears it's ugly head. A little private cry at the end of a stressful day does wonders for me, I also require a lot of time alone, my family repects this and it doesn't affect my duties to my business nor as a mother or wife. Second, he needs to be in counseling regularly, he needs coping skills desperately to get rid of the guilt of having this disease and to learn how to avoid and deal with triggers that can bring on the manic episodes.
The thing about bipolar type 2 is that we do NOT handle stress well, it's much harder for us to process lots of activity in our lives in spite of the fact that things like being very busy the week before school and getting ready for guests may not seem to be affecting us. But if we do not have time to process all of that crazy activity properly, our brains go into overload mode and we either curl up in an angry spitting ball of depression or act out in a hypomanic phase. One more thing before I answer your questions directly, our manic phases often include a lot of sexual activity, whether it's with our current partner or not, it's very common for us to look to sex to feel better, as it floods our brains with all kinds of feel good hormones. Keep this in mind when dealing with your husband.
If you have depression...have you ever said something as hurtful as what he has said to your spouse?
Yes, but it was usually in an "I feel this way and don't want to, help me!" way.
Did you mean it?
At the time it was as if I could find no other way out of the indescribable pain I was feeling and releasing my husband from my craziness seemed like a good idea.
Is that how you really feel or felt at the time?
No, most of the time I was feeling ok, but after I had kids my cycles were shorter and my moods more volatile. The more stressed I felt, the worse it became. I wasn't diagnosed until 5 years ago, so this is all 20/20 hindsight. I'm 43 now. I've been this way since I was 8yo.
How could your spouse separate what is you talking and what is your mood disorder?
He couldn't. He had an affair partly because he thought I didn't love him. In reality, he was spending more and more time away at work and I was feeling neglected and tossed aside and was so sad for my kids that they barely saw him. I was cycling through depression and mania so much due to financial stress, the stress of our marriage and having four kids, with no outlet for the stress, that I often said things just to get a reaction out of him.
Or are those voices really just one and the same?
Voices? Imagine getting a song stuck in your head and you can't get rid of it. That's what it's like, only worse. I found writing things down really helps me put those intense feelings/voices aside so I can live my life.
...how do I know it's not really what he thinks and wants but just normally does have the courage to say it and follow through with any action?
You don't. You need to call his bluff, enough is enough. Real therapy and medication or you're done. He's holding you hostage with this, and that's not fair to you, especially since you have done so much to help him. My husband waited until I had a complete breakdown before he helped me find help.
Can he really know what thoughts and feelings are even really his authentic self talking?
They are all really him. Just like your fantasies about movie stars, or you imagining strangling that annoying person you have to deal with at work. Just imagine what it would be like magnified 100x and seemingly screaming at you to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! That's kind of what it's like.
At the end of the day do you think it matters or should I just start to take these things at face value and act accordingly?
I think you need to drive him to a psychiatrist and get him on real meds, possibly suggesting some inpatient time until they can get his meds right.
I try very hard now not to let my mood swings affect people, I can now avoid most triggers, and if not, know how to properly deal with them. I take a mood stabilizer and an anxiety med every day. If I forget them? I'm a mess at the end of the day, even if I've had a pretty good day.
I hope that helps. This is as real as diabetes, treat it as such. Would you blame a diabetic for having low insulin, or get them the insulin?