Splitting the Bill with Friends?

This is always tough. I just split and here is why. I may have a couple of glasses of wine, but by non-drinking friend likes to drink expensive water and have a coffee, oh and get an appetizer and then have some sweet treat at the end. I order dinner and some wine. Who's getting the short end in that situation? I think it looks petty when you try to take it down the last cent. This is an issue my non-drinking friend has brought up " I don't drink and the rest do", but she seems unaware that each fancy bottled water she orders costs the same as a glass of house wine. Unless you are going out on a weeky basis, seems like it really shouldn't matter. Just my two cents, or do I owe 4? ( ;

I split the bill evenly when it's comparable, with a difference of only a few dollars. In the cases you're talking about, I would have everyone pay for what they ordered, so someone might pay $60 while another pays $25. I don't believe in splitting the bill evenly when there is a major difference in how many drinks someone orders - that's just annoying, rude and unfair.

Ask for separate checks. They pay for theirs and you pay for yours. Problem solved.

I'm one of those people who just likes to split the bill because nitpicking over who had what gets tedious.
BUT...
it's not at all fair to pay the same amount when everyone else is having a lot more.
So just make sure you bring cash, and as soon as the bill comes put your cash on the table, and state "here's my share plus a few bucks extra, you guys go ahead and split it the rest up however you want."
Sometimes you have to be a little aggressive if you don't want to be taken advantage of.

Separate checks is just so much easier and it's totally fair.
Everyone pays for what they ordered.
It's all good!

If you don't want to/ can't ask for a separate check, and don't want to make a production of chipping in only your fair share, leave early. "hey guys, much as I love your company, I've got to turn in early. Here's my xx, that should more than cover my diet coke and chicken and tax and tip. I've got an early meeting to prep for/ joey's hockey practice. see you next time.

Best,
F. B.

if it hasn't been established with the group beforehand (which is easiest, although it doesn't always work) you can just say simply to the server, when they take your order, 'do you want to separate these now, or do you do it when we pay?'
different establishments have different systems, which is great because it gives you the opportunity to make it clear from gitgo that you're only paying for yourself.
i myself find it easiest to dispense with that right out of the gate. if i'm treating friends, i invite them thus. 'haven't seen you in forever! i want to buy you lunch. how about the voltaggio low-rent place on the east side?'
if i'm not buying, and the above method isn't convenient, a quiet 'we're each taking care of ourselves this evening, yes?' generally suffices.
this is one of the benefits of aging. while this might have cause me some angst in my younger years, now i just handle it upfront and simply, and go on about my business.
ETA i've got decades in the food service business, and once upon a time (when we wrote and calculated our tabs by hand) it WAS a terrible inconvenience to do separate checks, and many restaurants did refuse to do it for large parties. but very few restaurants these days DON'T have a computer system, and since paying by card is now almost ubiquitous, it's naive for a restaurant to assume that everyone in a large party will have cash. in the last small family-owned low-tech restaurant in which i worked, we had the option of making large parties use one check and figure it out for themselves, but i never made my guests do that. a little extra time at the end figuring it out was well worth it to make sure my guests had a wonderful experience there, and it paid off for me. since it's actually quite easy for most servers today, don't feel bad about asking for a separate check.
:) khairete
S.

Two words: Separate checks. It's much more equitable. If your friends don't think so, they like the way you buy them their dinners.

Penny M.,
I've found that most waiters DON'T ask if bills are separate. I detest paying more than what I consumed. So, I always say, I need a separate check because I'm paying by credit card. That way, I don't come off as a separatist.

When we go out as a group one of us always makes it a point to ask for separate checks. Easy. If we can't, then we pay only for what we each order.

I don't really see the big deal. Doesn't everyone do it this way?

Before I place my order, I tell the server up front 'I'll need a separate check' and then proceed to give my order. That way they can mark their pad accordingly.

I think a separate check is not out of the norm to request and shouldn't be looked upon as odd or annoying. With the computer age it shouldn't be that hard to accommodate.

I always just ask the waitress for a seperate chick. It has never been a big deal. All my girlfriends do when we go out. I am not a drinker and I don't like seafood or steaks so I wouldn't want to split a check cause my food is usually cheap. Some of my girlfriends just order a soda and an appetizer, just cause money is tight doesn't mean they shouldn't go and have fun but seperate checks allows people to order according to their budget.

We just ask for separate checks if we go for a meal, and if we go out for drinks, everyone pays his/her own bar tab.

Just separate checks.
Less hassles.
Each person should have not to pay for others that eat a ton or drink more or order more expensive items.

Separate checks.
That's it.

Well since you always seem to end up paying way more than you ordered, I would either decline or speak up and ask for a separate check..

I do not blame you. I would not be pleased either.

I think it's a shame to say if you can't afford to subsidize other people's meals don't go. That means people of different financial means can't be friends. We don't ever get separate checks and I'd find it tacky to ask but as friends, we are sensitive to how money is spent and who can't afford a huge bill they didn't even wrack up. And I'd be totally fine with a friend saying up front they can't afford a big night out. What kind of friend wouldn't understand that? And I'm not saying that bc we are in tight finances. We're not but I understand where you are coming from. Aside from separate checks, hope you got some good suggestions here.

Annoying person? No sweetie, you aren't an annoying person. You're a pushover. Stop being one. Tell your friends when you get to the restaurant that you'll only be paying for your dinner because you don't eat expensive dishes or drink 5 drinks. If they stop inviting you because you aren't subsidizing them, then they aren't friends.

And... don't add the gratuity in the amount you pay if you pay in cash. Only if you pay with a credit card. If you put the gratuity in cash, they'll use it to lower their bill...

We ask for separate bills, and if not then we figure out how much we each owe when we get the bill.

ETA: Maybe it is a regional/cultural thing, but most of the time when I go into a restaurant with a group of people the server will ask right up front "will this be on the same bill or would you like separate cheques?" Of course, when I go for a girls night out we aren't going to anyplace terribly fancy. Usually comparable to Olive Garden or Red Lobster in price range.

I always say right up front to the server that I need my own check I'm paying with a debit card. When the server says we don't do separate checks then you say that's fine but I need you to do me a separate total on a paper showing what my portion is and then you can run my card for that amount. They will usually do it. My husband and I do not drink when we go out because $8 for a glass of wine is nuts lol. But other couples in our group do. We always ask for separate.

I always just ask for a separate check for myself. Most restaurants are more than happy to do that. Unless I am sharing an appetizer, then I would split the check. I usually add my tip to everyone else's or if I'm paying with a credit card and don't have cash I add it to my card.

I go out to lunch with my friends about once a month. I detest splitting it evenly. I am normally not a drinker. Why should I have to pay towards someone elses lunch? If my share came to $10.00 and my share comes to $17.00. Its not fair. I would bring cash. Ask your server if you could have your own bill.
It would irate me also.

I think that asking for separate checks is fine (it's annoying to your server so make sure to tip well) but if everyone has been splitting the bill evenly for a while, you're going to have to be upfront about that. Just say "hey I hope you don't mind but I'd rather do separate checks this time. We're really watching our budget lately" and then quickly move onto the next topic.

For me, it's not worth the hassle and I don't like to look petty, but I don't go out to dinner that often and the bills are usually fairly even so I don't feel cheated and just see it as an entertainment splurge that I've budgeted for anyway.

And FWIW, I'm the one usually looking out for friends who really didn't order much and will pipe up and say "Jane you should really just put in $25 because you only had [whatever]"

I always say, to the waitress, "On my own ticket I'd like to order xxx and xx and XXX". I make sure they know I want my own ticket because someone is always getting a good deal and someone is always getting the short end. By keeping your ticket separate you get your own bill.

Also, if you are more than 3 or 4 people be sure to see if they've already figured in the gratuity. We always did where I was a cashier. The party seldom looked and often the waitresses got more than a double tip. They got tipped through their bill then they put a tip on the table or on their card.

Everyone pays for themselves. How annoying for people to think they can order more than other people and not pay for it. We usually pay for our own tab almost always by cc. if there is a special occasion we might split up the person we are celebrating. But often not because the next month we'll be covering someone else and same thing the next and then the next. So it all ends up the same anyway.

Usually we just split but sometimes to not getting stuck with double what I really owe, I will calculate what I owe but be generous about it so I don't look petty. So if technically after tip and tax I owe $35, I'll put in $45 but at least it's not $60 or $70. Just don't wait for someone to split the bill. Have cash, put it in front of the person calculating and say "here you go! That shoujld more than cover my share." I also try to reciprocate. So if I'm the one who ordered a lot, I'll be clear I owe more. If you're with the same group of friends a lot, then they'll know you try to keep things fair and maybe set a trend. With couples I think it can be trickier partly bc of male egos not wanting to look cheap. It can be frustrating and sometimes I just suck it up. Or I've also learned to just order. Might as well join 'em if I can't beat 'em. I'll order a dessert if I'm going to be subsidizing someone's filet mignon. Depends on the crowd. I'm surprised the number of people who ask for separate checks. Except a bar, no one does that I know. As an ex waitress, I'd have been very annoyed. Some restaurants won't let you and if it's a nice one and you did this, I think they'd find it very tacky. I would be offended if it was say 3 couples and one asked for a separate check. Maybe it's ok but again, I've never seen it. I would also hope your friends are considerate. I take into account whether friends are tight on finances when thinking "just split it or not".

I never drink alcohol or soda when I go out. I also don't do appetizers. Why? Cuz they're expensive!!! I just say, "please put mine on a seperate check"
My friends know that I don't have the money to pay for their booze. It would be RUDE of them to assume that I want to pay for their drinks and appetizers.
L.

For those that answer "Just ask for separate bills," sometimes you can't.

We have a policy that tables of 8 or more are billed on one check. period.
And if I lose you as a customer because of that policy (I also do not take checks or debit/credit cards) well then, I don't want you for a customer. Trust me, most restaurants want you to have a good time and the servers (as well as the chef) will bend over backwards to make sure of that, but these policies are in place to protect them and to make sure the other tables are getting the same level of service. If you cause trouble, you're not worth the effort, find somewhere else to eat.

I'm not going to have the waitress waste her and her other customers time by writing up 8 or more separate checks for one table when adults are perfectly capable of figuring out how much money they just spent on their meal. She's my only waitress on staff and yes, it's actually all done by hand, not POS. The other reason is that large tables are known for tipping poorly because often a few of them won't tip at all, thereby getting the service of having the food brought to their table, cleared off, and having their drinks filled for free, even though they paid for the food. That is very frustrating for us and it makes the whole table look bad, which is why you will also find that large tables have a gratuity added automatically since large tables are also notoriously "needy" and take up much more of the server's time than a table of 2.

Honestly, it wasn't until recently that I had even heard of people trying to just split up the bill evenly among everyone. That just seems weird to me.

In a large group, either one of us pays the whole bill and gets reimbursed or one of us is treating and just covers it while the rest of the group will usually chip in extra for the tip, even if it's over and above the automatic gratuity.

Maybe it's because I waitressed years ago, but.... I still shudder a tiny, little bit when a group of women want to divide a check any other way than splitting it. I know, I know, there are folks who do it well, but I remember way too many long "negotiations" at certain tables. And that never happened at a table full of men.

Maybe it's a regional thing. I rarely see folk ask for separate checks anymore.

For the evenings with your women friends, I guess you'll have to do as others are saying, and mention ahead that you're on a budget and will chip in for your portion. Of course this will need to be said before the ordering. For the evenings with other couples, I remember money being tight and going only to restaurants where we could afford splitting the bill. (There would be no sea bass on the menu!) All my best.

My friends and I sometimes do separate alcohol checks. Those that drink split the alcohol check and we all split the food check. My sister use to order dessert to off set the cost of drinks. She would have it wrapped up to take home. Your still splitting the check, but you don't feel as bad because you are getting something out of it as well.

My SIL will pay down to the penny what she owes no tax, no tip. It frustrating. We started telling her before hand we are splitting if she doesn't like it, don't come. Maybe you can do the opposite. Suggest before you go out that you may want to try separate bills or only paying for your share. This way it's not a problem at the table. My problem with big groups and not splitting is I inevitably always pay more because people don't calculate their portion right. I remember I paid $50 once for a $10 meal and a $2 drink because when everyone "paid" their part, we were extremely short on the bill.

We've been close friends with the same group of people for decades. We go out frequently and always just split the bill. However, when we were young these friends were more financially secure than we were. My husband and I went through a time when we would go out and just ask for a separate check. We were able to control our costs and still enjoy a night with friends. Over the years I've noticed occasionally someone will ask for a separate check. I just assume an expensive dinner, cocktails and wine isn't in their budget at the moment. No big deal.

Can't stand the "calculator" at the end of a nice meal, just kills the vibe for me. Plus if I remember correctly from my college years, there is always a mysterious cash shortage after everyone puts their money in. Maybe this doesn't happen so much with grown people but it was so annoying, same people every time slipping away after dropping 1/2 of what they owed!

Ugh. That would annoy me too. I usually don't do even splitting as a default. None of my friends do either. When I go out with friends, we ask for separate checks, or if that's not possible, we assign one person to calculate what each person owes (there's always one person who is happy to take on this task). If there are a lot of people in our group, it can take a while to calculate each person's share, including tax and gratuity, but it's fair and prevents resentfulness. Maybe you can volunteer to do this? Or just offer cash for your share and say, "here's my share."

I have never in all my years, gone out to dinner and had a dilemma with how to divide a check. 99 times out of 100, our server asks us if the checks are together or separate. Where are y'all eating that that isn't asked by the wait staff?!?! Even if a mistake is made, and the check comes combined, the server has always been able to take it back and separate it by seat number, and take separate payments. Dang, I think the last time I ate out and split an appetizer, even THAT was able to be put on 2 checks!

Just figure out, when ordering, how much your bill is. Add tax and tip and give it to person handling the check.

Mostly we just split the check evenly which I agree can be annoying but I have a group of HS friends that I go out with and everyone just looks at the bill and pays their portion including tax and tip. I often handle the money and usually end up having to give back money because everyone is so generous and I don't think it is necessary to tip 40+%.

I think it is acceptable to throw in what you owe plus an extra $2 dollars or so, so you don't look cheap. Don't forget to include taxes and your portion of the appetizer and of course the tip.

If it bothers you that much, ask for a separate check. If you can't afford it... don't go. Going out with friends is not a "need" and if you are financially tight, then forego those activities where you spend money you don't have and go into debt.

It is annoying to see people sit and negotiate to the penny of what they owe. Such drama and borderline tacky.

When we go out, especially if we invited someone, we pay the entire tab. Other times... we usually just split down the middle or take turns picking up the check because I am not going to be one of those sitting there with a calculator figuring out my specific portion down to the penny.

In the end, it usually evens out. So what if someone had 3 drinks, not everyone gets appetizer or dessert. We are not dessert eaters at all and we have friends who believe dessert is a great part of dinner. We still split the check because we are out with friends and enjoy the company. We are not there to nitpick the tab.

We go out weekly with other couples and separately with friends. We don't know anyone who does this with the bill and I've never been around when someone has asked for a separate check either.

My Friends, we always look at our portion, assume X for Tax and x for Tip and move along to the next person. When we go out with another couple, we will get seperate checke, but when I am with a group I just add up my peice add tax and tip. Our group always has a nice tip unless the waitress was Horrible (Really bad, and not just having to run back to get extra ranch bad, I mean really bad).

Now, for work, we have done the Split it 9 ways, but most lunch entries are about the same amount so it does not matter much.

In my group of friends we either pay for whos birthday it is or pay for what we have. And if my finances are tight I just...don't go at all. Sticking up for yourself is not being annoying. If any of your friends make a big deal about you paying for your own things instead of paying MORE for what you didn't even have then they aren't much of a friend are they?

I always have a handle on what I am spending and toss that amount in the pool.

If your money is tight - ask for a separate check.

When I go out with my girlfriend's? There are times I pick up the check and there are times when they pick up the check and there are times we split it down the middle. We go out regularly - like EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT - regularly - so we don't sweat it.

When we go out with other couples? We don't go out unless we can afford it and we split the bill 50/50.

If you are not liking that idea and don't go out regularly with friends? Ask for a separate check. Tell them upfront BEFORE you go that you really want to go out but finances are tight and we will be asking for a separate check.

I agree with mamaoftwo - if everyone ordered comparable things, then a split down the middle is fine, but if someone is ordering expensive entrees and alcohol, I would have everyone pay for what they ordered and split tax and tip. BUT, how you bring that up with a group who is used to an even split of the bill without being "an annoying person" I'm not sure of. Maybe you can mention it when plans are made and just tell them honestly that you can only pay for what you order. If that's a problem for them, then perhaps you can just ask for your own separate check.