"Spirited" 20 Month Old -Nighttime Routine Change Help
Updated on
August 12, 2010
M.I.
asks from
Bloomfield, NJ
5
answers
Hey mamas - here we go again. This is a long one - so please bear with me. I'm just so curious what you moms do (time-wise) as a nighttime routine for your 20 month olds, esp to ensure that they get to bed at a decent hour (7:30pm latest has worked for us).
Here's where I stand. He's a daycare kid (been in the same one) since he was 3 months old, now in the Toddler Room and they all take one nap from around 12:15pm-2:30pm. There will be days that my son will only nap for an hour and others where he'll nap the whole time...but more often than not, he's an hour 45 min/two hour max napper.
He usually wakes up around 6:30am, but it fluctuates widely in the 6am-7am range. We need to get him out the door (and me to work) around 7:25am anyway, so the 6:30am wake-up time is ideal. He has been nightwaking (briefly, just a cry or two) at least once a night for the past month or so - I'm thinking he's getting a molar bc he has been drooly and cranky too, plus the transition to the toddler room (with new ladies) threw him for a loop.
Anyway - our point of contention is that we're wondering when to start the nighttime routine because lately he has been balking at eating dinner (he refuses to sit down at the table with us to eat - or only for a minute (forget getting him in the highchair too - he won't go near it and stretches his body out in a contortionists position if we try to coax him into it, screaming noooo!!, but most of the time he's playing in the dining room and will come to us for a nibble or drink of milk here and there.), getting upstairs for the bath, getting in the bath (having full on tantrums here), and pushing the time when we go into his room.
We have been on the following routine for ages now: dinner around 5:45pm, then bit of play with his trucks and trains, bath around 6:30pm, cuddle/pj time with milk, brush, books and into his crib almost asleep by 7:15pm . He never fights geting into his crib, once we've reached that point...but it's getting to that point that has proven exhausting and a total fight every night. We know he doesn't really transtion to something he doesn't want to do easily, so we make sure to give him vocal reminders - like "when we get home, we're going to have some yummy dinner and the play for a bit and then get in the bath....etc.," and then before moving from playtime to upstairs and bath time, we say, "ok - in 10 minutes we're going to go upstairs and get ready for the bath!" and we give him reminders at like 5 mins and 2 mins...so that the change doesn't come unexpectedly to him.
I want to make sure he gets a good 11 hours of night sleep - especially if he's only doing a 1 hour nap during the day.
My darling husband and I, in our infinite 1st-time parent innocence, thought it would be a good idea to bring his beloved trucks, trains, cars and tunnels upstairs to play with so we could spend time with him and get him into the idea of taking a bath around 6:30pm. Well, tonight we've finally come to our senses and moved all the toys back downstairs...but anyway, getting him into the bath has been horrible because he just wants to play.
I'm ranting....I guess bottom line is this:
he's up anywhere between 6am-7:00am
Nap: 12:15pm-2:30pm (with his sleep averaging an hour and a half)
Snack: around 2:30pm
Home from daycare: earliest we can get him home is 5:45pm
Dinner: 5:45pm/6:00pm
Bath: (we try for 6:30, but it has become 6:45pm)
Bed: 7:15pm (which has become 7:25pm)
So, when do you guys do dinner, bath, bed?
Is it realistic to think he can go to bed later and still get the sleep he needs (I have a feeling his morning wake-up will not get later, and in fact, possibly go earlier)? Do you think he'd benefit from a later dinner, bath, bedtime?
Sorry - i'm just lost and feel like something needs to change with his routine.
Hey mamas - so, this is very premature - but we tried a couple new tactics over the past couple days - letting him stay up later did nothing for him and he still woke at the same time in the morning. HOWEVER - i think he has been so uncooperative/unruly etc. because he was OVER-HUNGRY (which one of you guys suggested). We gave him a snack in the car on the way home last night and we was delightful. Ate dinner (in the highchair, no fuss) 20 minutes later, and moved through each transition very well - with in the crib, closing his eyes around 7:35pm. Hurray!! Another fix we did is use a portable timer to help us through the transitions, with the verbal countdowns as usual. Having that physical inanimate object telling us that playtime downstairs was up and we had to move the fun upstairs worked like a charm!!! We'll see how things going for the next couple of days - but PROMISING! Keep your fingers crossed for me - and thanks, as always, for the great suggestions! xo
More Answers
T.G.
answers from
Boston
on
It sounds like you are great parents who are really trying your best to do what is best for your son. It is hard when you get into a rut like this and then can't figure out where you went wrong. Perhaps you need to be a bit more firm with him? If your 20 month old is already "winning" the first battle of the routing, dinner, then maybe the rest of the night might be set up for disaster. Could you get a booster chair and require him to sit at the table with you for dinner? Perhaps one he realizes that you will not tolerate the screaming/etc at the dinner table, then he will realize it elsewhere??? I have a friend whose kids have had a very difficult time with transitions and she has recently started setting a timer. She will call her kids over to give them a 10 minute and 5 mintue warning, then she shows the kids when she sets the timer so they know that when it beeps it is time for the next event. I know that your son is young, but maybe that could help?
As for changing his actual bedtime, I think it really varies for each kid. MY kids do get up earlier if they go to bed later, so I can see your fear in that. Conversely, the earlier my kids go to bed, the later they sleep...so perhaps put him down a bit earlier?
Another idea is to let him pick out a fun tubby toy that he could look forward to playing with in the tub each night? Perhaps that could help him get through dinner if he knew it was coming???
Well, these are all just some ideas. As soon as you come up with a fix, things will probably work themselves out on their own anyway!!! Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
P.K.
answers from
New York
on
Let him have some more down time after dinner. Try putting him down
a little later, maybe 8PM and see how that goes. It seems like he just
starts to play and he is pulled away. Good luck.
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
C.A.
answers from
San Francisco
on
It sounds like he actually is too tired at 7:15. I know that this sounds strange but try moving his bedtime up to 6:30. It may mean moving dinner up (I don't know how to tell you to do that since you have a tight schedule as it is; perhaps in the car? Make a 'dinner' in the morning; keep it refrigerated in a cooler give it to him on the drive home?) Since he most likely will be waking up earlier, you can fit in a bath in the morning.
When my middle son was 2, I struggled to get him down for a nap. But I moved his bedtime to 7:30 (it was later; we have an older child) and all was solved.
Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
J.R.
answers from
Miami
on
Hi M., You sound like great momma for caring so much.
I have a few thoughts to consider:
1. Is your son getting enough outdoor play to stretch his legs and run at daycare. Now that he is a toddler...From my experience, it is harder for toddlers to want to go to sleep if they have not had time to run around.
2. You have only 2 hours with him from the time he gets home til the time your son goes to bed. Is he getting enough time with you all .. hugs, story time, just being time. Maybe try for an 800 bedtime to enable him to have more time with mom and dad, and encourage a longer nap at daycare. he may just want more time with you and thus fite going to bed.
3. There is a long stretch between his afternoon snack and dinner. Maybe he is acting up a bit at dinner because he is over hungry. Can you give him a small snack in the car on the way home?
I hope this helps. Good Luck
Jilly
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
B.C.
answers from
New York
on
Hi M.,
I agree with the other mom that he probably wants to spend more time with you. My 3 year old has always been in daycare, too, and I don't remember him every going to bed early. Usually I'm reading to him at 9:00 and by 9:30 he is fast asleep. My husband gets home later than me. Usually we sit down to dinner at 7:00. We really try to have a routine where the 3 of us eat together (that means my son has an earlier snack). Then there's some play time inside or outside or a walk if it's nice out, a bath at around 8:15 (he plays in the tub a long time), 20 minutes of TV, then some books. It makes for a long evening for me since I've been working all day, but it works for us to have the together time at night.
I also agree with the mom who recommended lots of running around (hard to do in the heat this summer!).
I don't think it would hurt to try a later bedtime.
