Even though my husband and I are best friends, couldn't be closer, go together SO well, are totally still madly in love and have been with each other over 10 years and have four kids, and honestly, I think we are a great example of how a happily married couple should be... I NEVER DID like the term "soul mate". I think it is one of those silly, "romantic" words that try to put more meaning into something that was just fine w/o that label. I ALSO believe that there can be more than one person perfect for another. ...and no, not like polygamy, but like if something terrible were to happen, i don't think all hope is lost and one will never find "true love" again (BTW, FYI, I don't have a problem with the term "true love" LOL)... Also, just to clear things up, I'm confident (very hopeful!) that nothing ever WILL happen like that, and if it does, I do NOT see myself seeking another, I just mean people in general have hope if they wish to chose to have another (seriously though, I'd HOPE my husband were to find someone else if something were to happen to me, I'd want him HAPPY) ... "Soul Mate" to me seems to suggest that that person is THE ONE, and there's no other. Hmmm.... anyways, that's what I think of the term. NOW... here is my question:
What do you think of a 30-something year old that has referred to her grandfather (who passed away 2 years ago) as her "soul mate" since she was a teen? From an HONEST standpoint, it slightly creeps me out a LITTLE bit. (side note: I was unfortunately molested by MY grandfather throughout my childhood). Okay, I'm not suggesting ANYthing, but I just find it strange. She's had boyfriends come and go, and I always have wondered what THEY think about her description of her grandfather. She goes into great detail and posts plenty of pictures (still) of the two of them together... hugging, kissing, whatever. I've known her since kindergarten. I knew her grandfather pretty well. He was very nice and friendly, and he was pretty "personal"... meaning, like he was close to her like a mother is, if that makes sense? She was raised by both her mom and dad, so she didn't live with him or anything. Just different than your average Grandpa.
Now, I really like this friend of mine, but I've been wondering for YEARS, is it just me that thinks this is weird (yes, there IS my past OWN situation with my own grandfather that could be clouding my judgement) or is it actually weird? I know, there's NOTHING that will change once I conclude if it is actually weird or not- it will just help settle my questions about my own thoughts on it, as well as I think this sparks the question about "soul mates" in general... does it have to be a romantic relationship OR can it just be a friend... OR... a grandparent?
Thanks!
BTW: What sparked this question now? I couldn't bring myself to "like" a photo of her and Grandpa kissing on the lips that she posted on facebook today. I've "liked" a lot of her photos... not that a "like" is required, lol... but it made me think, is it just me?
Reverend Ruby, I get what you are saying. It makes sense. I DO think people, however loosely use the term "soul mate" when they are just trying to say that they love a person. I think the term is way overused. BTW, my husband and I DO have a very strong spiritual connection- it is amazing what happens between us when we aren't even together...
Silvia, unfortunately that did not happen. i couldn't bring myself to tell my family what happened until i was 25. When that occurred, I found out that he apparently did this to my mother as a child as well...(my grandma knew about this, too!!!!) WHY she exposed me to him countless times will ALWAYS baffle me. Shortly after I let the cat out of the bag, They (my grandpa, mom and grandma) told me they would get a lawyer against me because i proceeded to tell them how much damage he did and they assumed I was going to press charges/sue him. This is something i will NEVER understand. NEVER EVER.
Now Everything is as if it is all fine and dandy, and if I bring it up again how WRONG they were, they would just find a way to 100% justify it. It is something I'd like to forget but can't. believe it or not, after therapy and forgiveness- (yes, it was WONDERFUL that I got to see my grandpa face to face about this and actually talk with him about and have him ask for forgiveness about a year before he died) WHAT HE DID to me isn't what goes with me now that has been healed, miraculously, BUT how my grandma and mother dealt with it just really deeply hurts. They will not ask for forgiveness because they don't see how they are wrong. Now, THAT just cuts me right to the bone. I know they don't even think twice about it. Everytime I think if it, it chokes me up... okay... gotta stop being sad!
HOWEVER, Silvia, I did go to the police at the same time as me telling my family and reported it, and didn't press charges, He was bedridden at the time and not around anyone but my grandma mostly and died about 1 year later. I wanted it to be on record, just in case anyone else wanted to report what happened in the past (hopefully there WASN'T another), that they have another person that said it happened so they can have supported evidence. ...AND, getting it off my chest and reporting it was awesome therapy for me.
She and Gramps were probably "kindred spirits", I'd throw that term at her with the definition since she's using "soul mate" out of it's normal context.
A soul mate is a person who you have a deep connection with that is totally unlike any other relationship. You can read each other's thoughts, call them without a phone, ect. I have had friends that simply knew I needed them and needed to talk and they would show up at my door. That is a soul mate.
A soul mate is not always the person you fall in love with and marry but it's a wonderful thing if you can.
I have had more than one soul mate, one was so creeped out by our connection that he totally cut off all contact.
But once you meet a soul mate you will understand the connection.
It's a little strange. But I've often joked with my BFF that we're each other's soul mates and we couldn't live without each other. We're in our mid-30's and have been friends since we were ten. If I lost my husband, I know I could move on and survive. But breaking up with or losing my best friend? Would feel like the end of my world. We tried breaking up once and I couldn't eat for a week. Our husbands had to intervene.
Anyway, your friend's terminology is a bit odd but I'm not so sure that it's a sign of anything negative. Some grandparent/grandchild relationships are especially close. Maybe it's just the best term that she can come up with to explain how special the relationship was. I wouldn't read too much into it.
Sounds to me as though her grandpa was her ideal of what a man should be like, and no one else has been able to measure up. Not creepy at all, but a recipe for a lifetime of romantic disappointment.
I don't believe in the concept of a soulmate. There are people you are compatible with, and people you are not. Among those you are compatible with, some are more compatible than others.
There is a big misconception that soul mates are only found in romantic relationships, it's simply not true. Soul mates come in many forms; friends, family members, mentors etc...and we can have more than one. A soul mate is someone you share a deep connection with, even a brief encounter at the post office or a store can be a moment with a soul mate. Most people shrug off those encounters as Deja Vu, or "I feel like I know that person from somewhere", when it may have been a brush with a soul mate. To really understand the depth of it, you must be open and understand the concept of past lives, that's where soul mates come from. If we are lucky enough to meet one of our soul mates and develop a love relationship and actually marry them, as it sounds like you did, then that's the pot of gold! Lucky you! In regards to your friend, I would venture to say, that she loved her grandfather very much, and their relationship was special in the terms that he understood her like no one else could, and now he is gone and she misses that (rare) deep connection. Try not to impose your feelings of your own grandfather onto her and her grandfather (which you may or may not be doing). She's your friend, she lost a loved one, and she's trying to keep him vivid, there's nothing wrong with that.
What happened to you is horrible, your grandpa is a monster and I hope your family turned him over to the police so he cannot hurt other children. That's just sick. As for your friend, she has a special bond with her grandpa and it is so rare, many of us may misunderstand or not understand at all. If there was something creepy, SHE would know, just like you did, and he would not be in pictures with her.
The way you describe it, it sounds weird to me. But as you noted, it's hard to discern when you're seeing it through your own lens.
What can you do about it either way? Not much, so I would just ignore it.
If it helps, think of an individual soul as water and our bodies as containers. When the person passes the "water" is returned to the ocean. When a new person is born a new container is filled with water, but it's been a part of something so large that it misses it, needs it and craves to be a part of it again. The best way for us to do that while living is to find another container that has similar water. Some of us hold well water, some hot springs, others salt water, different but the same. And just like how you can put water in anything and mix different "types" of water together, some people just mix better with others.
I guess in this case souls have no gender or familiar restrictions. Some just bond very closely, some not so much. I think it is possible to find a "soul mate" without the sexual/romantic being present. It's an instant connection, undeniable "attraction" and you just "click".
I have a friend back home who I share this with, I'm not sure if I would call her my soul mate, but we just fit together. She was a friend of my brother's she came over to hang out with him, he left to go get snacks and after a while he had a night shift to go to and she ended up saying up with me all night watching horrible and inappropriate anime.
I think perhaps it is your history that makes you see it like you do. I generally think the soul mate term is used for couples but what it really means is matching souls. I suppose that could be used to describe my grandpa even though he died when I was 18 month old. Thing is people tend to use terms like kindred spirits when referring to family, ya know?
So what I am saying is it is a strange way of using the term, nothing more but because of your history you are seeing something that isn't there.
I agree with you about the love/soulmate concept. I have always been of the belief that everyone probably h as a multitude of potential mates whith whom they could live quite happily with for a lifetime. HOWEVER, as I've said many times before.. It IS all in the "picking" in the end. People that we may feel are soul mates might not always be the best puck long term, right
OR they might be "perfect" for Mr. Right Now.
Now your friend, I think, is using the term in a different way...to describe a closeness, like mindedness, great understanding. So you might be projecting on to her situation with your own history, right?
Sorry you had to endure that. .. All the best
I have had a few mates to my soul (three immediately come to mind), and they were not all lovers. I don't have a problem with your friend's spiritual connection with her grandmother. I do not think that it is weird.
I am totally with you on your thoughts about soul mates in the romantic sense. Like, geesh there are billions of people in the world, I know I am compatible with more than one!
And I too would be rolling my eyes a bit about the whole "grandpa is my soul mate" business... like yeah I get it, you love gramps. But you know there are those people in life that really just "get" us and apparently grandpa was that person for your friend. And if he was as close as a parent to her and only died a couple years ago, she is still grieving him. Talking abaout him and putting up memories keeps his memory going for her. I have a cousin who lost her mom maybe 5 years ago and still posts old pictures she finds of her on FB. Its sweet and sad. I feel for her. But she gets comments back and gets to dialogue about her mom a little. I think FB is a good venue for that. I notice a lot of people noting their deceased loved one's birthdays and stuff all the time.
I definitely think you were averted to the kissing picture because of your own experience. In many cultures lip kisses are totally norm. Not mine, so I would also think "huh..." but whatever!
I admire your thought process on this topic. I would be self analyzing the same way. Good for you.
Dana T I really like your analogy about the water and the cups and jars. That is such a cool way to explain it. The closest soul mates I've witnessed are my sisters who are identical twins. Talk about the same mix of water. They were split from one pitcher.
I agree with the post that said she probably means "kindred spirits" more than soul mates. Clearly they had a special bond. That said, I think it's creepy to kiss your grandpa or a family member on the lips but I know that there are people who are far more affectionate than I. I kiss my 3 yo son on his temple, head, cheeks, hands even stinky little feet on occassion but I don't kiss him on the lips. That said, his sitter is British and kisses all the kids on the lips - light, little pecks that are clearly meant to be affectionate, not romantic. Still seems really odd she would post all of these photos and call him her soul mate on FB - seems really immature honestly. Although FB seems to be home to rampant immaturity!
