"Sorry for Your Loss" Miscarriage Gift/gesture?

Do not send them something. Please. You aren't even friends with them. Not real friends. If you bump into them somewhere you can't even really address it with them. If she brings it up then you can say you're so sorry.

My sister lost 3 babies and people would say something to her and it was like ripping the wound open again and again. She stopped going out for a while after each one.

I've had multiple miscarriages and one was far enough along many people knew. I had friends bring me food, which I really appreciated since I still had a family to take care of even though I was so broken I could barely take care of myself. If you don't know her that well you could just have takeout sent to her house. No flowers. I got flowers and threw them in the trash. They were an awful reminder of my loss.

In my experience, no one wants to go out for dinner or get a gift for this. A "sorry for you loss" note is fine for people who are close. It sounds like you are a bit more distant because you only met them once last year. My sense is that they would not want to know that you are informed of their private business. It's so difficult, after a miscarriage or fetal demise, to walk into a room of people and think, "They're only thinking about my failed pregnancy."

You are getting all your info from the mutual friend, and not from them. You have not seen them in a year. You don't have a relationship, do you? Just a nice memory of a fun evening a year ago? I think they will feel incredibly violated that your mutual friend has shared their very personal and private business. Personally, I would do nothing.

And by the way, your friend was way out of line to ask if he was right about the gender! The risk of miscarriage is exactly why people should not weigh in on these issues so early in a pregnancy!

Updated

In my experience, no one wants to go out for dinner or get a gift for this. A "sorry for you loss" note is fine for people who are close. It sounds like you are a bit more distant because you only met them once last year. My sense is that they would not want to know that you are informed of their private business. It's so difficult, after a miscarriage or fetal demise, to walk into a room of people and think, "They're only thinking about my failed pregnancy."

You are getting all your info from the mutual friend, and not from them. You have not seen them in a year. You don't have a relationship, do you? Just a nice memory of a fun evening a year ago? I think they will feel incredibly violated that your mutual friend has shared their very personal and private business. Personally, I would do nothing.

And by the way, your friend was way out of line to ask if he was right about the gender! The risk of miscarriage is exactly why people should not weigh in on these issues so early in a pregnancy!

Please no gift. No flowers. I've had 3 miscarriages. I can't state it enough. No. NO gifts. No flowers.

This is an acquaintance. She didn't share the news of her pregnancy with you, did she? It would be odd for someone you met once - even it was a great time - to send something. I know I would have felt weird about it.

IF you are going to something? Have your mutual friend arrange a dinner IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT and buy them dinner. Don't bring up the miscarriage unless they do and then you state you're sorry for their loss. Otherwise? I didn't want to be reminded.

Flowers die. It reminded me of what I had just lost.
Plants were nice. I still have the plant my parents gave me. It's been growing.

Please don't bring it up. I don't want to be reminded. If **I** talk about it? Great. Tell me you're sorry for my loss. Please don't tell me "you can try again" or "it wasn't meant to be". You don't know me. If you haven't suffered the loss of a baby you desperately wanted? You won't understand. Please note I'm NOT trying to be rude. I'm telling you how I felt after each loss. When we lost Alexis at 22 weeks? I was devastated and didn't want people's pity. The hurt was real. No different for her.

We shouldn't do anything. Your friend, who is actually their friend and former coworker, should send a card saying she's sorry for their loss. Your connection to this couple is via your mutual friend and you aren't really close since you've only met them in person once a year ago. While I understand you feel bad for them really I think you are overstepping to be included in anything.

They are going through a terrible loss right now. They need to be surrounded by love from their family and friends. A random almost stranger reaching out would seem odd. Please rethink your participation in this.

It is nice of you to be thinking of her. But, "big picture", you have had dinner with her one time. And even your friend who is friendly with her was not exactly told this information "voluntarily"!! He reached out to her to jokingly poke her about the baby's gender, so she told him in that moment.

So, I certainly do not think you should plan a "miscarriage gift" or a "miscarriage dinner party".

If anything, maybe you could reach out to her casually in a week or so about "scheduling another fun dinner together". But I do not think you should even mention that your friend told you her personal business about the miscarriage.

Who gives gifts for a funeral?
I know you mean well, but many things people say just make things so much worse.
"I'm so sorry about your loss" is indeed enough and might be too much if you weren't that close.
You let them handle their grief in their fashion and you don't impose how you think they should be handling it.

I myself had a miscarriage in the past. It was extremely difficult and a deeply private thing to endure. I would not have been comfortable getting condolences from someone I only knew through a friend. I also would not have been comfortable with other people sharing that news. If she didn't tell you herself about the miscarriage, please do NOT mention it to her. She probably doesn't want lots of people knowing. It is a very private matter. Please don't acknowledge it if you see her. Unless she bring up the topic herself. I know you mean well, but I think you are overstepping your bounds.

I think it's a nice gesture.. but, since you do no not know them well enough I would find it awkward . Also, they then would feel obligated to either do a dinner or whatever. People just need time and space. Especially for something so personal and deeply lost.

Your friend probably should just continue to be a friend. I don't thing this news should be given freely.

Say a prayer for them instead for peace and healing.

I would suggest that your friend not get too personal and too intimate in this time in his friends' lives. Taking them out to dinner could be very uncomfortable for all. They're probably not in the frame of mind to get dressed up and go out in public and socialize. The woman who miscarried might still be dealing with medical issues related to possible procedures that her doctor had to perform, and she certainly will be dealing with hormones and other physical issues besides the emotional ones.

Instead, I'd encourage your friend to make a donation in their name to the local children's hospital or NICU. Just have him inform them of that in a nice card expressing his sympathy for their loss.

As far as you're concerned, I'd simply help your friend (not the ones who had the miscarriage) by maybe looking up how to make a donation to the NICU or something, and I wouldn't personally get myself involved in such a personal issue of a friend of a friend.

Your intentions are really sweet and caring - but this is such a personal grieving time that it's best to not overstep the boundaries.

If you only know of this event because your friend told you about it, then it is possibly not appropriate for you to say/do anything in regards to the miscarriage. The couple may be further upset to know that their friend was gossiping about their personal life to a person they've only met one time.

Absolutely nothing wrong with your friend inviting them to join the two of you for dinner in the future, but I'd lean towards not making that about their hard time and more about getting to know them better. If they bring the topic up to you, by all means express your sympathy.

I'm with Diane B on this one. They don't know you well enough to have told you they were expecting, so they might well feel very uncomfortable knowing that you have heard about the miscarriage AND want to get together with them socially now, when they probably don't feel much like being with people. I'd say that if it comes up in conversation with her for some reason, you can express your sympathy to her, but at this point, there's no good way to do it. You can help your friend pick out a card, perhaps?

for me it was a private grief, mourning and recovery. it's nice that you want to do something for them, but since they're not your close friends, i wouldn't push too hard. maybe some would welcome it, but others like me would find it intrusive.
a card would be fine.
khairete
S.

I would not say or do anything. You only know her through another person and spent one evening with her that 's not a relationship.

I had a friend miscarry early. Her husband informed mine about the loss. We did nothing even though we knew them well. This is a personal issue that many people do not want to publicize or mention to others in their own family let alone outside the family.

Your intentions are honorable.

the other S.

It is very thoughtful of you to want to recognize this loss.

I recommend you get them a book. There are many great books about miscarriage, still birth and early infant death. (I miscarried my first child and lost my son when he was 17 days old...it's a very isolating experience and I found books about the topic helpful)

I would do nothing. It is sad. I always feel badly when I hear of people I know going through a loss. But it would be very odd for you to send a gift or ask these people out for dinner because they've just been through this.
These are acquaintances of yours, not friends. Know you mean well - but even when I lost my father, my good friends (old and new) were the ones who just offered me support by caring. They weren't buying me cards, gifts or trying to socialize to take my mind off it. Trust that her close friends and family are supporting her.

Both of my sister's had miscarriages. For the older sister, I mailed flowers to her house. A lot of people said to not do that, but she LOVED them. It gave them color and cheer during a sad time.

My other sister here, I brought over brownies and an Olive Garden gift card. She already had a child and I wanted to help with that kind of stuff.

i would take them out to dinner, pay for their dinner and never mention the loss. unless they tell you directly. then express that your sorry for their loss.

(having read your SWH to clarify that this question is from your friend who knows the couple well) I think a card would be perfect. Everyone is different, but for me - I did not want to talk about it after it happened. I would especially wouldn't have wanted to talk about it in a public place (like at dinner) because I would have cried and I hate crying in public. At the same time, typically not many people know about an early pregnancy, and having no one to say "I'm sorry for your loss" is also difficult. I think a card with a note that they can call if they want to talk about it is a good way to walk the middle line.

I agree with Gamma. Condolences are better coming from those close to you. It is hard enough with those super close to you "speaking" of it much less those you don't know well. If anything, I would send a card that expresses that you are sorry for their loss and they're in your thoughts and prayers. It's nice to know that people care but not have to talk about it.

I had multiple miscarriages before having my dd, but most of them I kept to myself because I just thought it was a private thing.
But, I have seen some miscarriage jewelry online, just google: Miscarriage Memorial Jewelry or "Miscarriage Remembrance Jewelry" and there's some nice and affordable jewelry that would be a thoughtful keepsake.

Your clarification, that you were asking for suggestions for your friend, is helpful. I have never had a miscarriage, but I have many friends who, sadly, have. Based on those experiences, I think it's important to take cues from the couple. Some people want to talk about it, grieve or process more outwardly, and some don't. Until that becomes clear, I'd think that a card saying "thinking of you" is a really nice gesture.

Maybe a little flowering plant or tree to plant in their garden/yard in memory of baby.