Son Turning 5 Does Not Want a Party.

I agree - it's HIS birthday and you should do what he wants. Forget what other ppl think - the ones close to you will know and understand.

It's his day! If he doesn't want a party--then no party:) I think dinner and a movie with Mom and Dad sounds great!

heck...I turned 50 in august...and DID NOT WANT A PARTY!!

respect your kids wishes...do something special and 'low key'.

life is too short!! IMO

michele/cat

i think if you were to insist on him having a party, #1, you'd be placing others' opinions above your family, and #2, he'd probably hate it on principle and not have fun, probably keeing everyone else from having fun too. don't bother. if people have a problem with it that's their problem. "he doesn't want a party" is all the explanation you need to give. ask HIM what he wants to do, and do the best you can to do whatever it is. it's HIS birthday! :)

Life is just more fun when we live it as a great series of experiments. If people are expecting a party and you want to avoid any awkwardness, you might consider sending out an announcement rather than an invitation. That way you can write down exactly what you want to say, rather than waiting until someone challenges you.

You may want to simply explain that your son has requested to celebrate his birthday in a less traditional way and that you have decided to honor his request as an experiment to see how it works out. You could also find something like a prayer or a poem to include with the announcement as an expression of appreciation for them as a part of your lives and tell them that you sincerely hope they understand.

Whenever we know people will not easily understand our choices, I feel it is important to not give in and let those doubts hold you back for the choice you feel is best. But, there is certainly nothing wrong with extending some graciousness to reduce the possibility for people who are part of your community to be offended.

Who is the birthday party for? The child or the family?? If he doesn't want a party don't have a party!!! He will want another party before he marries and leaves home...don't worry about it. If the family asks...just tell them he didn't want a party this year so you are honoring his wishes.

I've read all of your responses and you have received some really supportive advice. The theme I have noticed is that of respect, not only for your son, but for those people in his life.

My response is the same - respect his wishes. If anyone questions you, be gracious, but firm.

I hope you have a wonderful evening with your son!

I always do birthdays around here big! But if he doesn't want one than I would respect his wishes and just take the whole to day to be his day!!

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Honor his wishes. Enjoy his special day as a family. He has lots more birthdays to enjoy in the future; there will be a lot of future parties to enjoy.

This would be my response to those who you think will think it's crazy:

"We're not having a party this year for (son's name)."

"OMG...why not?"

"Well he doesn't want a big to-do and we respect that. We'll have a cake and presents for him but if he doesn't want to make it a big thing, we do not want to pressure him into it."

"I cna't believe you aren't having a party, everyone should have a party, what about his friends, etc, etc etc"

"Well everyone is different...." and leave it at that!!!

Oh man! That sounds amazing! I would love it if my daughter didnt want a bday party! She is turning 5 in a couple weeks too. I wish we could just go to a nice dinner with our family and that way I could actaully spend more money on my daughter than a birthday party. Id say go with it!! Maybe you could invite the people that would be upset to dinner with you guys. Personally I think you are lucky!

My oldest did that when she was 5 as well. And, we did just what you suggested, we went to the restaurant of her choice (we invited the grandparents) and then we went to the movie of her choice (again, inviting the grandparents if they wanted to go).

There is another learning/teaching aspect here: it's letting your son know that you hear and respect his wishes/opinion and to me that's a good thing! While you can't do that with everything, this you can. It's his day!

I hope he has a Happy Birthday and have fun whatever you do.

We take my kids every year to dinner for their birthday, it's a family thing, they get to choose the place. My girls opted out of parties several years ago. Instead they get a really expensive gift that they've been wanting. No one has ever complained about this. My 12 year old this year wants a party for her 13th and that will be great, she hasn't had one in 3 or 4 years. Don't push him, but find out what his reason is, it could be perfectly legit. Do a family dinner together instead. Good luck and God Bless.

He doesn't want a party? Great! Don't have one. Save your money! Let HIM choose what you do. If he wants to go out to dinner, do it. What if he doesn't want to go out? If he wants you to cook his favorite meal, do it! It is HIS day, so let HIM choose! He may be testing his independence by bucking the system. Maybe he will like it better. Maybe he won't. If it is his decision, then he can own it. It is important to allow and encourage some decisions now so he can make good choices later. It fosters independence - an important attribute in life!

My 5yo son doesn't like to be the center of attention. It could be as simple as that.
It's his day, let him do what he wants with it.
:)

we have options with our kids. They can have the 100.00 that we allow for their birthday, have a family only party and still get the money that is left over from what we spend on cake and ice cream, or they can have a friend party and anything that is bought for the party comes out of the alloted money and their party can't exceed that limit. I can tell you they usually opted a birthday party and they usually ended up with a 10-15.00 gift along with the party because that is the amount I usually have left over after the party supplies, food, and cake are bought. I don't go overboard buying party supplies. usually put up some streamers and a party theme table cloth. as for the party favors, I just put some candy in them and sometimes we have had a pinata but have even made them homeade which the kids just love because they take forever to bust open so is usually a good 30-45 minutes before it gets busted open and we use a plastic baseball bat. To make those you blow up a big size balloon, make paste with flour and water, cut up newspapers in strips and put the strips in the glue and spread them over the balloon. You want to leave an area at the top without paper so you have a hole to put the candy into. It will take at least 2-3 weeks to dry, I usually sit it on top of a bowl that is smaller than the balloon so it can dry. After it dries quite a bit--pop the balloon, then just spray paint it any color you want and I cut out wrapping paper that matches the theme of the birthday party and glue the characters on the pinata after the paint dries. You will be amazed at how stiff this thing gets. I usually have to use a screwdriver to put holes in the sides to run the rope through to hang it up. You don't want to put the holes too close to the top or it will rip through but can't put them too far in the middle either or it will hang lopsided so somewhere inbetween the top and the middle.

My kids usually opted for the party until they were at least 9 or 10 and now 2 of them are teenagers and some years they decide to keep the money or they want a sleepover which is limited to no more than 5 friends for sleepovers. My family members do not feel left out if the kids decide not to have a party. They still give them their gift.

If your son doesn't want a party then don't force the issue or you may have a miserable day while trying to entertain the guests and he may be grumpy. I think taking him to a movie and out to eat sounds like a great plan. Kids really don't get into birthday parties that much until they start school and start going to other friends parties and see how fun they are. Enjoy your peace now while you can because in a year or so he will probably have a hard time deciding what friends to invite and will want to invite the whole class. When I first started having parties we had huge BBQ parties at the park all day. They included family members and the friends parents and siblings as well so some of these were over 40 people but were very fun but a little overwhelming. Now that the kids are older we have toned them down to usually 10 kids or less for home parties, no more than 5 for sleepover parties, and if it's a family party then we are crowded because there are over 20 family members that live closeby so that can get pretty crowded in our small 1000 sq foot house especially our son who was born in January and it's too cold for some to go outside.

Another thing we did for a few years with the family was combine parties.. For example anyone born in the months Jan-April we would pick a date during one of those months and have a joint party. then have another one for May-August months, then Sept-Dec months. That way you have 3 get-togethers a year with the family members for birthday parties and we took turns hosting them. I usually got the warmer months to host at my house and my other 2 brothers took the colder months because their houses are bigger. We also get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This seemed to work out well until most of the kids are now teenagers and have busy lives with work and college and sports activities so we didn't do that this year but it worked out well for several years and we weren't bouncing from one party to the next every week as some months there is a birthday every week.

Have fun and enjoy his birthday and no matter what you decide I am sure it will be a fun day for him.

If your son does not want a party then don't have one. We didn't have one for our daughter when she turned 8 - she wanted to go to our loacal Mexican place for dinner, so we did and then the wanted to go to Six Flags with a couple of friends. So that is what we did and we had a wonderful time. Much more fun than a party. Dinner at the Mexican place was just the 4 of us and then the weekend of her birthday we took her and 2 of her friends to Six Flags and had a blast and so did they. Both the little girls that we took had passes so we didn't have to pay for them to get in and then we said we'd get each of them a soda and an ice cream in the park. So we really didn't spend much. Don't force him to have a party just to make some people in your family happy. Do something that will make your son happy and give him lots of happy memories. Ask him what he wants to do - if it's dinner and a movie so be it. Let him take a friend if he wants, but let it be his day. Good luck and God Bless!

We don't do birthday parties. We do a day of fun and my son picks out the activities,where to eat and whatever else he wants. I wouldn't do a party just to make family members happy.

I wouldn't worry about it. I had one birthday party when I was growing up, when I turned 13 on the 13th. Other wise birthday's were always pretty low key. We either went out to dinner at the restaurant of my choice or I got to choose the menu if we had dinner at home. I had a party for my daughter's 1st bday, but that was for the grandparents more than for her. I may have a party for her 16th birthday, but that's all I'm planning. Before I had my daughter, I hated being invited to every birthday for each niece, nephew and cousin. I love them, but I can't say I have a lot in common with a 2 yr old, 5 yr old, 8 year old, or even a 12 year old. I finally got smart and just started dropping off a gift a day or so before the party. Fortunately for me, once the little ones in my family reach the pre-teen/teen years, they've not wanted a family party, but only their peers. Make/buy him a birthday boy button and just indugle him (within reason) that day. He'll have just as good a time and think of the money (and time) you'll save!

I let my kids have 1 or 2 friends over for the night or to go somewhere they wanted. They liked this and had fun with just a few people. G.

I'd let your son pick his favorite restaurant for dinner. I know Chevy's brings out a group that sing, they give you a sombrero(hat) and ice cream, that's fun! Let him pick out a movie to go to, or some place special. Keep it low key. Kids nowadays expect a big production for their birthdays. I think its a great idea to let the child make a decision about their party or non-party. Believe me, when they get older they'll always want a party. Don't sweat it!

Some interesting responses here...I totally respect your sons choice but I'm more interested in the "why". Why does he NOT want to have a party? Maybe it's just curiosity on my part but my kids generally have a darn good reason for stuff (i.e. they want to donate to someone else, they are being bullied, etc.) and sometimes stopping to ask "WHY?" is the only way I get a response from them.

As for the rest of the family...who cares? It's not their birthday! If THEY want to have you over for cake and ice cream at their expense then fine...but you are under no obligation to have them over! They will either send a present or not...it certainly shouldn't be based upon a party!

It seems to me like you are more put out that he doesn't want the party then he is. You even go on to say that you "figured you take him out to dinner and to the movies"...again YOU are still planning for him. What does HE want to do? I'm not trying to be beligerant here, I've just heard and seen young children do remarkable things (like have parties and donate all their presents to local shelters and stuff)...maybe HE has something HE wants to do...I think you should ask and be prepared to listen.

Did you ask him why he doesn't want one? If you truly feel that he doesn't want one that like you said, so be it. It's his special day and you guys should do what he wants to do. Who cares what everyone else thinks. Dinner and a movie sounds good to me!!