Son's Heartbreak...

I would get my 1st grader involved in an after school activity so he can make friends his own age.

We have friends with a 5th grader and 1st grader - my 6th and 4th - play VERY well with them - since his brother is older - he has adapted to "older kid" play. There are times he gets overwhelmed and needs to be pulled aside but overall? No problems.

Since there aren't any kids his age - get him involved in something with kids his age....maybe meet some of the other parents at school in his class and have them over for play dates?

I think you're going to have to be more proactive about setting up play dates with kids from school who aren't in your neighborhood so that he has someone else to look forward to playing with. Without an alternative friend, he's going to set his heart of playing with this kid every day. If you can start to invite other kids his age over, he'll get invited to their houses too and his social circle will expand, naturally lessening his reliance on the neighbor and this will help him to understand better why the neighbor is available some days but not others, because he will be in the same situation as well where he can't make plans with two friends on the same day.

I think it is time for you to help your son find other friends that are his age and will WANT to play with him on a regular basis!! They may not be in the neighborhood...but maybe they can ride home from school with your son and spend the evening with him...with their parents picking them up after dinner.
You are so lucky that your neighbor has been kind about the times that he doesn't want to play with your son. It could so very easily turn into a real battle and your sons feelings could be hurt horribly by this if the boy were unkind or mean to him.
You need to help your son understand that sometimes other people just don't want to do what WE want them to do right then. Talk to him about the fact that someday someone will want to play with HIM and he won't be in the mood...remind him how kindly the neighbor has handled this and encourage him to be as understanding.
This is just one of life's lessons that isn't fun for anyone...especially the parent who is trying to love and protect their child.

Although 4 years is not always as huge of an age gap, your 1st grader should not have a 5th grader as his primary playmate. Shortly, this 5th grader will be starting puberty (if not already) and will be getting into girls. This boy watches movies and plays video games that are not appropriate for your son and they are at 2 different developmental levels. So, although this 5th grader sounds like a great kid and he's making it fairly easy for you to not seek out playmates your sons own age.... it's really not appropriate.

So, as other mom's suggested you need to do a couple things:

1. This is a GREAT time to teach him that it's not personal if someone doesn't want to be our friend, or doesn't always want to be our friend, or doesn't want to be to us what we want them to be to us. And that even though you can really really really want to play with someone, they just might not be appropriate as a playmate (these are skills that will come in handy and reduce his heartbreak when he gets interested in girls later).

2. He needs to get involved with kids his own age who share his interests at his developmentally appropriate level. If those kids are not pre-packaged on his street then you, as the parent, need to seek out experiences where he can have these social interactions. Enroll him in Tae Kwon Do, guitar lessons, gymnastics.... whatever he likes where there are kids his own age.

3. Teach him to be his best friend. There was a period in my llife where I didn't want to be alone with me. But if I'm not my own friend, I can't be someone else's. He needs to learn the skill of self-entertainment, even for extended periods of time.

I'm not sure how long your school day is... or how much homework your son has... but now is a great time to teach him the difference between "homework" and "studying". How is it that he has all this time to play with neighbors every day? between daily homework, 30 min minimum reading requirements (in most schools and if not at school, institute this at home) studying topics for school and additional topics that interest him, helping mom with dinner and making sure his room is picked up and his toys are pick up from everywhere else in the house and his laundry is put away as well as practicing any extra curicular activities and then shower and bed..... well, I'm not sure how there's time to miss this older neighbor boy?

That being said, an older wiser (gentler) neighbor can be a GREAT influence. So, your families should have monthly dinners where the boys get together. Foster that relationship so when your son is being pressured to kiss a girl or drink beer and he doesn't want to come to YOU for advice he can go to this older boy who will be sensible and give him some good "I've just been there" advice.

Good Luck!

That is sad for your son but try to teach him not to take it personally. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. It doesn't mean that his friend doesn't like him, he just has other plans today. That's life.
I would just try to redirect his attention by doing something special with him instead. Let him do a special art project or take him to the zoo...whatever. Does he have any friends his own age from school or church to invite over to play for a while?

I think JB has the right idea here.

I have read every ones responses and I too have a little one who is often hurt because she has no one to play with. She is in Kindergarten.

Her friends that she played with moved and a couple of new potential friends have moved in, but for some reason there is no interest. At one house it is the parents and the other house I am not sure, but the kids don't seem to socialize at all. My daughter loves to be around people and try to make new friends.

I have my daughter in ice skating 2 - 3 times a week, she has play dates with her best friends who she met in pre-school 4 years ago and still she comes home and sees her neighbors and wants to play. At least your neighbor is cordial, these kids just stand there and look and my daughter doesn't get it...neither do I. Maybe things are not what they seem. Maybe there is more to it that I can't see. However, she is upset they won't play and misses her friends coming in to play with her stuff.

A heartbreak is a heartbreak and it is no fun to watch I know. I don't have an answer other than I try to keep her busy when she wants to play with them because I have seen her upset too many times to try again.

It's time to get your son involved in an after school activity so he can meet more kids his own age outside of school.
You can meet a lot of people at taekwondo, and once you know more people you can have more play dates.
It's great the older boy wants to play some of the time, but this is only going to get harder in the next few years as he goes to middle school and becomes more of a teenager.
Your boy will understand more as he gets older (and maybe someday a much younger kid will want to play with him) and he'll suddenly see it from another point of view.

"Honey, 11 year olds usually like to play with kids their own age. When you are 11 you probably won't want to play with a 6 year old very much. I know it hurts your feelings. Let's see if _____ can come over." Big hug.

Can you take him to a park or play ground or do something else special with him on the days the other kid doesn't want to play? Maybe a craft or baking something. Or play board games or let him pick out a movie to watch together. Try to make the day special.