Hi there,
My best friend has agreed to let us have my son's 6th birthday at her pool. I offered to do it all ,keep it not only outdoors and in the Lanai, but limit it to around 10 or so children. Here's the dilemma. Four of his friends have siblings that he is close to and are invited. One or two of his friends have older siblings we don't really know and the parents have asked if they could come. One mom is a single parent and I have never turned her down before, it is my son's "girlfriend" since pre-school.
Two other mom's have out of town nieces that are staying with them and want to bring them. One has asked to bring 6 other family members!!!
I can understand all the mom's dilemma's and normally I would be fine with it, but my friend is moving the next week-end, we are not using a life guard (my husband is the life guard) and I promised to keep it small. Plus, my son wants to have a relaxed party with close friends only. Also I have already ordered the cake and have the gift bags(squirt toys). In the end it has gone from 10 to 16 kids and now 15 adults....yikes!! I have not replied to anyone about the requests yet. I worry that because several siblings are also invited the other moms will be offended if they can't bring their older siblings he doesn't even know. And what do you do with cousins that are staying with some of his other friends he really wants at his party. This is his first party in 3 years due to being gone and also being the 4th of July week-end.
Help would be greatly appreciated!!!
p.s. my friend kind of freaked out about the numbers growing!
Thank you SO much for your wise input. We usually have his party the week-end before since people are gone but this year everyone seems to be sticking around...and with family guests! I like how you worded the situation and am going to call the mom's in person and talk to them to explain. My son really wanted it small as well. He actually said if people he didn't know had to come then he would rather have those friends not come. I think I have always just opened my house and people are used to us being very open to extra people....not this year and not with my friends generosity of the pool....which yes is a big magnet obviously!! Thank you for the idea of having another gathering at a different time. I will offer that to those who don't want to come without extra people. And next time I will be way more clear on the invite. Thanks again. I will let you know how it goes!
"Unfortunately, the pool is not our own, and we have a limit of only 10 swimmers. Currently we have 10 RSVP'd guests if little johnny/susie (aka their child) will be able to come, but over 30 siblings and cousins who we've gotten queries from to see if they can attend as well. While we would really like to be able to invite everyone, it just wouldn't be safe."
Hello, I understand your dilemma! Been there many times. I have thrown about 19/20 birthday parties! I have a 9 and 10 year old and have had a party for them pretty much every year. I'm not sure how you expressed the invite...through the mail, or by e-mail, or called them. I found over the years it is best to mail an invitation with the child's name only on the invitation. Many times that makes it clear to the families what kind of party this is...small and intended only for this particular child. They should not be offended at all. Most Mom's will understand because they may face the same situation when it comes their turn. I also like to write in the invitations 'DROP OFF PARTY'...this is a nice way of letting the parents know that they are not invited either...and most parents will be happy to have 2 to 3 hours by themselves to get something else done;) Sometimes I will write on the invite to the parents that 'they are welcome to stay if they so desire'...but that depends on what kind of party I'm having. If it's a non-stressful atmosphere and I feel I have the money to feed them, I'll let them know they are welcome, but not expected to stay. But trust me, with my experience...most Mom's take the out!!!
Now for the situation you are in now...you do have an out with all these extra people wanting to come. If I were in your shoes, I would simply call these people and let them know the truth. "Hello (so and so) I would LOVE for you, your niece, or whoever to come...but it's not at my house and I promised my friend I would make the party very small with limited amount of people. I'm soooo sorry if this puts a burden on you...I just didn't know the party was going to grow to such a big size. I had only planned on a certain amount not knowing that other siblings and cousins would want to come. My friend is feeling overwhelmed at the amount it's turning into. I hope you understand and will please let (whoever you invited) come to the party. " This is all about your SONS special day...not pleasing everyone else! Don't be intimidated to put up your boundaries!
Just a side note...being that these kids are so young and some may not be strong swimmers...you may want to open the door to Mom's being able to come if they feel uncomfortable leaving their little one in another's hands. Most Mom's should be fine with it..
Maybe in the future your invitations can be more specific about who you are inviting, etc... Families will understand. My son does not get invited to every party my daughter goes to. That allows me and him to have a 1 on 1 date. And vice versa. I am so not offended! When your son get's older...he will really let you know the only ones he wants to be there...and girls will probably not be included until he's much older:) Hope this helps!
You cannot infringe on your friends generosity by suddenly having 3 times as many people there as you had said you were going to have. If you are gong to have all of these people then it is time to find another place to hold it. You can return the squirt toys and you can bake a plain 9x13 cake to supplement the cake that you are having made. OR you can stick to the original 10 children and then plan another type of get together for the NEXT weekend that would include all of the siblings, cousins etc!!! Maybe at a local parkfor a picnic and water gun fight or how about a dutch treat trip to the zoo with all those other interested parents going along to help keep the herd together??? My guess is that the sudden interest in the party is because of the POOL and once you explain to the parents that you have promised to keep the party to 10 children...for the sake of your friend AND for safety's sake...thenI they should understand.
We had a swimming pool at our home for over 20 years and I can tell you that it is a MAGNET as far as drawing people to your home!! I would be very worried about having a pool party that included 16 children and 15 adults because there is no home pool that I know of that can accomodate that many people!!
Use this as a teaching opportunity for your son, about the importance of keeping your word once you have given it...and explain to him WHY he can't invite all of the siblings, cousins and out of town guests!!
Good luck.
My friend would freak out too, just remember that it isn't your pool, and you have to respect the wishes of the owner. I would call all of the people and explain to them that it isn't your pool, and the owner has a limit placed on how many people can come due to possible liability issues, so it's just gonna have the be the original friends that were invited. There's nothing wrong with doing this at all, and this time it's simply just not up to you how many people can attend. If you don't do what the pool's owner wants, it will probably end up being the last time you are allowed to ever use it.
This has been an issue for my daughter's parties as well. If you have parties during summer vacation, especially around the 4th of July, families want to stay together and often have house guests. I would just tell them the truth. You promised your friend that you would keep the party small, so it is for invited guests only. Keep in mind that you may have some send their regrets rather than not have the entire family come, but that is their choice. The only pause I would have is the single mom. If you expect parents to stay and help watch over the kids, you have to allow her to bring all of her kids, since there is no other parent to take them during the party. However, if you can have her drop off the one invited child and return later for pick-up, the other kids can be left off the invite list.
In the future I would move his party off of the holiday weekend. It will really help with this sort of thing, even if it means having the party a week early or late.
As for people being offended, that is their choice. Unless you are purposely snubbing them, they need to understand that not everyone gets to come. Adults should have learned this lesson years ago. Different parties have different guest lists and it is up to the hosts to determine who it is, and is not, appropriate to include in any given event.
My two cents!
I know you didn't ask this question but I suggest getting a lifeguard not connected to the party. Maybe hire someone from the YMCA or a swim school. You will be hosting all by yourself because your husband should be focusing on the pool. Your husband may want to be part of the party and other people will come and talk to him. It takes only one minute of distraction for a child to drown. He can be a secondary lifeguard but have the primary lifeguard be someone who will focus entirely on the pool and swimmers and nothing else. Otherwise, have a wonderful party!
my son was invited to a party and the invites said boys only. so none of the friends with sisters could come to the party. that was a skating party so they were paying for a certain amount of boys to be there and no one extra. you ahve the right to say so-so only!!
Hello, I would tell the parents that because of safety reasons you cannot accommodate any extra people. I'm pretty sure that none of them would want the responsibility or liability if it were them.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.
