Son Showing Bad Behavior at School

Geez... sorry, but the school can't expect 4 year olds to act like robots.
He is not the only 4 year old... that does not always listen.
He is going to get defeated anytime he "tries his best..." because it will NEVER be, good enough. It is endless... calling him a bad listener and that therefore, he has "bad behavior." So then he won't even try. Why try... because he is always scrutinized for his not listening.
I think, it is just going to undermine him, all this focus on him not listening.
Sooner or later, the incentives of a green apple, won't even work. Because NO kid, can be "perfect" nor have perfect listening ears.

He seems like a normal 4 year old to me.
Who is trying his best... but his best is not good enough.

I would hope, that he does not start acting out... just out of frustration. Then this will be a "problem." But because of misaligned "expectations."

all the best,
Susan

I own and operate a preschool and I can tell you not having your listening ears on is not bad behavior it is normal behavior and what preschool is all about. Learning to follow the rules, learning to share, etc. Boys are physical learners and a good teacher will keeps things moving. We do centers and switch activities every ten minutes. Boys can not keep attention very long so it is a challenge but not impossible. I have kindergarten children who still cannot follow rules and need constant reminding so he sounds pretty normal to me. I would continue to encourage him to put his listening ears on but unless he does something that is disrespectful I do not think he should be punished. I am not a fan of reward charts for this reason. Children cannot always be perfect, they are children and they are learning and reward charts to me set them up to fail and can destroy their self esteem. Catch them doing something wonderful like sharing, helping a friend, saying something kind to someone and praise them for that. I would make sure the program he is in has enough activities to keep him moving not all sitting activities. I wouldn't worry to much the key here is that he is a good boy but he is just learning the rules. Good luck!!

First thing, the word "bad," is the worst word you can use with your kids, BAD only describes the old milk in the fridge sometimes... (same as UGLY for all you southern women, stop telling your kids they're being "ugly," that's just bad parenting)
He is 4; he will be a four year old, and they shouldn't expect anything else, except, they can do their part to "drill" into his head the rules. I have three boys and babysit two other kids everyday... the 4 yo that I babysit has a tendency to not want to participate, not want to pick-up toys when it's time, alot of those things and all day, I say, BEFORE I give the instructions, "Everyone look at me, we need to clean-up toys (or whatever it may be), so everyone listen FIRST-TIME and pick up... ten toys each (or whatever instruction is needed.) OK, GO." Listen First Time works around here; please don't ever call your child bad, kids end up being what they are told they are... all you southern women, stop calling your kids ugly, too!

This makes me sad because I have some similar experience with my son at his preschool this last year. He is also 4.

Maybe your son doesn't understand how they are asking him to do things or maybe he is so engaged with play or activity that he doesn't hear them. Maybe they rules and boundaries aren't clear and he doesn't know what to expect there. I would talk more to THEM about how they work with him. Does he listen to you at home?

I would also make sure that their consequences are appropriate and I would let the consequence stay at school. I would not give additionally consequences at home for things that happen at school. Listen to your son. He wants to please them and you. Sometimes we have to be a champion for the little ones that we know so well and other "professionals" have expectations for. If his behavior doesn't match with what you know of him, find out more or get him out of there.
Best of luck~

Chelle,

He sounds like an almost 4 year old boy who is in a situation where too much is expected of him, and no matter how hard he trys, he is going to fail so often that what you have is a child who is living down to his expectations and cannot escape them. It is really difficult to go somewhere when you are repeatedly unsuccessful. Since preschool is not a necessary step in his education, if you need a daycare setting, you might consider finding something less structured so that he can gain successful experiences being able to meet the expectation on a regualar basis.

Almost 4 year olds think in concrete terms. To him, "listening" is hearing. You do not really want him to listen, you want him to do what you say, and his teacher says to do. Say what you mean, and mean what you say and try to nix the euphamisms.

Also, try to tell him what to do, insted of what to stop doing. By tellling him that is problem is what he is not doing (listening) and making that something different than what you mean (everything you say to do) he is confused. Specify what the action you want is. If he gets in trouble, it should be because he ran instead of sitting. Tell him to put his bottom on the floor, instead of "stop running" and then if he does not, he is in trouble because he was asked to sit, and he ran, not because he did not listen. He listened, he heard you, he either made the wrong choice, or could not over power his impulse.

You need to both tell him exactly what to do, and make sure that he is being asked to do things he can acheive. Success breeds success.

M.

I apologize in advance for how callous this is going to sound, but...
He;s four. Four. Still somewhat a baby. He's four! This behavior is VERY NORMAL. I highly encourage you t o continue encouraging him toward his best behavior, using discipline when appropriate, but perhaps your expectations are a bit high for a four year old. Plus he's a boy. Four year olds are not made for the demands and rules of school and school is structured for girls, but not for boys. Boys need a whole lot more space, literally and figuratively, as well as unstructured play time, than they are allowed in a school setting.

Expect a four year old to sit and listen on a continuing basis for a prolonged period of time is unrealistic. And heck, time out might be a treat! He doesn't have to pay attention, expending energy to control himself unnaturally, listen hard, process what he's heard, and try and make it make sense...

He's FOUR! Perhaps you could hit the local library on what are typical behavior patterns of four year old boys and what you CAN expect of him, what is too little and what is too much. If, after your reading, you feel like your child's "teacher" may have unrealistic expectations for his age group, it would be in your child's best interest for you to advocate for him.

Nancy and Whitney are both correct.. Remember an average 4 year old has only 4 minutes worth of attention span. Some children are a bit more mature and can go a lot longer if they are really interested in what is going on.

If his hearing has been tested, if you feel like he gets enough active time at school, then you can expect him to respond to a direction when you get down on his level and tell him directly. "You will now sit down for story time."

Maybe he needs to be seated next to the teacher as much as possible.
Maybe his name needs to be called and he will have to respond to each direction.
"John it is time for you to put away all of the blocks."

"John, what did I just ask you to do?"

All the books and therapists say the same thing--catch him being good and praise, praise, praise! This means every little thing he does right, you say," thank you for being so good!" or "what a good helper you are!" or something along those lines. We are always johnny-on-the-spot to say no or criticize, and forget how powerful praise is. They really do want to please us, but they quit trying when they never hear that they are doing a good job. Look for anything positive, and lay it on good and thick---you will see him blossom!

Do you suspect any disability like ADD?

I sure would appreciate the answers you get as my just turned 5 year old went thru a similar experience this past year. My daughter pulled him out of Pre-K.

Don't be so hard on yourself or your son...he's 4.
He's learning to be independent and hopefully his teachers
recognize this. I suggest consequences for not listening and praise
when he does! Sometimes I think as parents we're quick to
think the worst when children are not perfect, especially with exceptionally smart kids. As a parent of a very sweet, highly intelligent 3 year old who sometimes acts like a mini me... I have to remind myself of her age all the time.

If it is that he simply is not listening (without acting out), he may have a hearing loss. I would take him for a hearing screening. If, for example, he acts as though he wants to do well and seems to do well otherwise, you should have his hearing checked.

sounds just like my daughter. have him evaluated for ADD/ADHD people will say hes too young. hes not. its better to get on track with it early if that is what it is because once he starts going to real school it will be so hard on him. my daughter cried everynight over home work b.c she wanted to sit and do it but she just couldnt. contact the bingham child guidance center at norton downtown they are great! and tell them what is going on. hope this helps!

I would suggest that he might have a CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder). My son had the testing done but I googled and it looks like they don't start the testing until they are 7 years old. Maybe you could have the teacher write a command down on an index card like 'get in line' and flash it at your son and see if that works better than the auditory command.