Son Refuses to Sit on Potty Without Pants

J.,

I have 3 boys. My oldest is 4. He had a tough time with potty training also. It was not until about 34 months would he even consider without a struggle the idea of using the toilet. Then it took us another 6 months to get the timing right and become accident free. Then his brother was born and we went back to one accident every 2-3 days. Once we got through the adjustment of a new baby he told me one day that he was going to use the potty and we haven't had an accident since and that was 6 months ago. No worries, keep doing whatever you think is best and it will all work out.

Hi J.,

For some reason that seems to be a very vulnerable situation for boys. My suggestion would be to have a plastic jar in the bathroom filled with a yummy treat, i.e.: m&m's or something like that, with a secure lid on it. (An old, clean peanut butter jar or something like that works great.) For everytime he goes to the potty he gets treats. It can even be more fun if he gets to decorate the jar himself with paints or whatever he wants. The treat method has worked for lots of people I know.
Good luck!
J. W.

Hi J.,

First of all, boys are usually later than girls anyway...so don't fret...Even though you are in a hurry, he is not.

One problem might be that he is too comfortable the way things are. The pull ups are soiled, and changed. This may sound like a lot of work, but hide the pull ups, and use big boy underwear---go shopping together....spiderman, etc. Save the pull ups for night time.

Once soiled, they are really going to feel awful. Have him help change them. Take your time with this so that it does not seem like you are willing to change as quickly as you normally do. He might really HATE being soiled, and be ready to commit.....

Good luck with this...it is very normal to have a three year old boy not willing to make the change.

B.

Hi J.! My son showed an interest pretty early on, but he didn't like to sit either. Finally what I realized was that he wanted to stand like his grandpa did (dad was not in the picture). So I let him stand & when he would try to "go" I would put a cheerio in the potty for a "target." He thought it was GREAT fun & was always eager to try to pee-pee in the potty. Once he took to that, #2 came a little more slowly. To get him used to sitting for that he would get one of grandpa's car magazines & sit on the potty (no pull ups) while I ran his bath water every night. He would "read" me the articles while he was waiting to play in the tub!

The only advice I have is to let him tell you when he is completely ready. If he's fighting sitting on the potty without clothing....he is just not quite ready. When my son was about to turn 3 I tried to train him and he just wouldn't have it. I let it go and about 3 months after his 3rd birthday he basically did it himself. Letting him make the decision himself really made it an easy transition. In about a week, he already knew to go pee and poop with very, very few accidents. Many boys just don't potty train until after the age of 3. If you want incentives, I've used potty charts with stickers (1 sticker for pee, and for poop a sticker on the chart and a lollipop). A friend used M&M's. If you do use incentive tools, just be sure that the ONLY time they get that treat is for potty time. I wouldn't worry about him starting pre-school. Most likely, if you just let it happen naturally, he'll be ready by the end of the summer. It sounds like he's almost there. Because of going overseas, he may have a little more difficulty because his routine will be changed so you might want to wait until you've been there for a bit before you try again.

Hello J. S!

Do not worry, I had the exact same issue. My son is 3 and will be turning 4 this coming wednesday. He only started to use the potty to do #1 early last year and finally was able to do #2 only a couple of months ago and like your son, he was terrified to sit on the potty without clothes on or even a pullup. Like the others suggested, try underwear so he can understand the feeling of being wet and learning to hold it until he can get to the potty. If that doesn't work, go back to pull-ups until he is ready to try again. I had to do this with my son and didn't see anything wrong with it. Only your son will know when he is ready. I believe by discussing it with your son on a daily basis on what he needs to do on the potty will help him build the confidence he needs to try it out. Do not worry, he'll come around to it on his own as long as you keep talking about how to potty and how big boys use it, something you think will get him to try it. It will be on his mind and one day he will have the courage to do it himself. Also, giving him a treat or reward really works. That is how we got our son to do #2 finally! It was the cutest thing because for his first time in trying for #2 as he was sitting, he kept repeating, "I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! Then finally, "Mama, I did it, I knew I could do it!" Good luck and be patient!

First of all, my 5 year old wasn't completely potty trained until he was 4. Yes, 4 years old. We wrestled for a year to get to that point. I feel your pain. He's a smart and very mature kid, but the toilet stressed him out. So I just had to be patient. Finally I just told him to "go" outside and he thought that was great. Eventually, we moved things in doors.

So with my next boy, (2 years old) I watched for signs, and when I saw the slightest bit of intersest (mostly because he's got an older brother for an example) I put underwear on him. The pullups are the same things as diapers in his mind. But the underwear seemed to make sense....of course this is after about 18 accindents, but it progressed things much quicker.

Good Luck, remember potty training adventures make great stories in a few years!

Yes. We had to change over completely to regular underwear for my son to get past this. Just find a long weekend when you have nothing else to do. We also moved the training potty out of the bathroom into the kitchen cuz he didn't want to go into the bathroom alone. Then

I also suggest removing pull ups from the equation. You might need them for night-time or just use diapers. YOu can also cut the pull ups/diapers from the night. I bought pads that have wings to hold under the mattress and supposedly hold 6 cups of liquid. I layer the bed with sheets and pads so that I only have to peel a layer in the middle of the night.

You might also try Peter Potty. It is a urinal that flushes. Maybe the potty scares him, but standing at a urinal isn't so intimidating.

GOOD LUCK! Potty training was one of the hardest things I have done yet. I have my 2 year old son showing all the signs too. I hope it won't be too hard.

It's all about the rewards. Find out what he wants/likes and save it ONLY for potty rewards. Rewards can be TV, time with someone, a phone call to someone special, food...the key is to reward him with what HE wants. You may want the reward to be raisins, but if he wants chocolate, that is what it has to be. You will have to reward him for sitting on the potty calmly for any time with pull ups on. Then once that is cool and calm. Make if for longer and longer (books and toys while he is sitting there, again special for that time), then reward him for sitting unclothed, again just sitting should be rewarded and praised. Take him again and again, every 1/2 hour or so. Then you reward him for doing anything (even a drop) in the potty, moving up incrementally to what you want. You may have to really hold out on what it is that he wants. I had to do that with my son, he would cry. I would say do you want your train? Oooh, this is such a lovely, fun, green, train and I would drive it and drive it. Then he would finally go into the bathroom (that is where we had to start), and stand calmly, then he would get his train, or truck or whatever. I kept a plastic tub of them on the back of the toilet so he could see them, but couldn't get into them without my help. We are still working, it is a slow and painful process. Good luck!!!

N.

Hi J.,

Allow the toddler to do things his way. He will move past this on his own in time. Don't worry. Everything will work out as it is meant to do.

There are resources to affirm what you already know:

http://www.parentingtoddlers.com/pottytraining.html

http://www.thediaperfreebaby.com/

http://potty-training.suite101.com/article.cfm/elimination

Hope this helps. D.