For the past 2 days my 19 mo son absolutely refuses to climb down the stairs - he's known how to and has been climbing down them for at least 7 months at this point. He's never fallen or even slipped on the carpeted staircase and we haven't changed how we prompt him to go down them either. He only wants us to carry him down. We've "laid down the law" that we won't as I'm 32 wks pregnant & physically won't be able to do that very soon (besides the fact that he's old enough to do this on his own). He starts to through a MAJOR tantrum - today he was upstairs with all the doors shut for an hour (we'd check on him and encourage him to come down every 5-10 minutes). The only way we've gotten him to go down is to hold his hands and walk him down the steps (he WAS NOT a willing participant in this option either, but it's a lot easier on us that physically trying to get him to crawl down each step). Has anyone else gone through this or is this just a sign of how stubborn our son can be (thank you husband for passing along this wonderful trait)? :)
Thanks everyone for your help! On Friday we turned the corner (I hope) as he walked down the entire flight of steps at the front of Kennett High School holding just my one hand. It was slow, but worth it! He's pretty much been going down our stairs that way now. This morning he crawled down, but I noticed that he did that with me walking behind him (I used to walk ahead of him).
My guess is that he is scared of the stairs AND senses that something with you is changing. Give him as much leeway as possible -- forcing him into doing something he's not ready to do yet is just going to backfire.
Hi A.,
He may be acting out and I'm sure it will pass. What we did with my son was to have him slide on his bum down the stairs. it was fun for him and much safer. Sometimes I put him on my lap and I slide on my bum. You might want to try that - it will be less stressful than carrying him. He will snap out of it eventually - he is just needing a little extra attention right now.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
J.
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can be a phase, scared of heights(does he go on a slide? )
also could be jealousy of the new baby on the way. Has he heard the heartbeat? been able to touch your stomach and talk, babble to impending sibling?
I don't know what to tell you, but my kids slid down the stairs on their bellies until they were at least two. Then they independantly decided to start coming down on their own the right way.
It's probably just a stage, but remember that he is only 19 months old. My son is 26 months old and still doesn't want to go down the stairs by himself all of the time. It may be physically draining, but he still is a baby (and maybe he wants to be treated like one with the new one coming). Good luck!
The issue here is not the steps, it's the tantrums. He is totally controlling you. He should not be allowed to hold court for an hour behind closed doors while you encourage him every ten minutes. You have to act quickly, swiftly and firmly each and every time a tantrum begins for any reason with discipline. If not a swat, then something equally simple, unpleasant, firm and effective (effectiveness comes with consistency and them really not wanting the consequence). Otherwise, once he decides to go down the stairs (whihc shouldn't be a decision-you told him to, he has to), he'll decide to throw tantrums about something else. Tantrums should not be allowed, they are natural, but they are the call to action for parents, whose natural responsibility it is to discipline. Once he realizes tantrums are not allowed, you should enforce you instruction to walk down the stairs calmly and with the same firm discipline. He needs to do what you say. Once you consistently enforce everything, it won't take long for him to learn he always needs to listen. You're catching it at the perfect time. My daughter tried her first tantrums at age 18 months. She was taught they weren't allowed, and at almost 3, she's never had a full blown one. When she starts crying or rebelling, we just ask her to stop and she does. You definitely want to nip this in the bud while you are pregnant and have a newborn. Take the opportunity while you are enforcing firm discipline and teaching him new rules, to shower him with love and attention and positive reinforcement when he is behaving well since you'll have another joining the party soon! Take CHARGE!!! Good luck!
He is still so young and probably recently realized there is a danger in steps. I think they are smart enough to get a little cautious by 19 months. It will probably pass soon.
Wow, maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't really like kids that age coming down the stairs on their own anyway, so I'm more than happy to carry my youngest daughter down when she wants me to (and she's 2 1/2). We've taught her not to go down by herself, and usually she's happy to walk down holding the railing with me or her dad "spotting" her, but if she asks me to carry her I do. Of course this has never been one of our battlegrounds or tantrum triggers and I also am able to do it physically.
While in most cases it's perfectly safe to carry a toddler when you're pregnant, I certainly remember how difficult it can be sometimes and I also remember trying to break the habit some with my oldest when I was pregnant with her sister. And it really won't be safe trying to carry two kids down the stairs once the new baby comes, so I do get it.
I do agree that at that age many children are starting to develop enough of an understanding of the world that they start to develop some fears. To us the stairs don't seem so scary, but to a kid who suddenly realizes there's the possibility of falling down them they are scary. Even if he's never had a fall on the stairs, he's undoubtedly fallen somewhere and gets that it hurts. That part is likely a phase and should improve with time (but will of course be replaced with different fears).
I would probably go with the limited choice option - ask your son if he wants to hold onto the railing and walk down or to scoot down on his bottom. That will still give him some control while helping to break his desire to be carried. And for a while I would offer a reward, like getting to snuggle up with mommy for a story if he comes down quickly. I think with some love an support this will pass quickly though. Try to remember that he's still a little guy!
A.,
My son went thru this stage too. It only lasted for a couple of weeks. Even now at almost 21 mo's he sometimes wants to be carried down. I just kindly and sweetly say "turn around like a big boy and show mommy how you can go down the stairs!" most of the time it works. If he refuses I start to go down (just a few steps) and of course backwards to make sure he doesn't fall (make sure you don't either! I already have). Give him some incentive like "let's go watch Elmo or let's go get a cookie"
Good luck
Christina
I never went through that, but I'm in favor of continuing the hand-holding. That way he gets someONE to hang onto, but he isn't getting carried. When you get to the bottom, you can sit down and hold him on your lap, on the bottoms step or on the couch. That way he gets his hugs, if that is what he needs, but he also makes it easier on Mom, who isn't supposed to be lifting heavy objects.
My guess is that this will go away soon. So, just tell him you'll hold his hand on the way down, and hold all of him at the bottom. If he wants to be held, he'll come down with you.
A.,
As this little guy grows, you're going to have LOTS more situations that just don't "make sense"! Kids truly boggle my mind!
It's probably just a phase and he will tire of it eventually. Tell him that you cannot pick him up--Show him the bum-slide method or hold his hand for now.
Hi A.,
It's definitely a phase. Keep doing what you're doing and don't give in. This sounds like a battle you have to win. :)
