My son is in the 4th grade and has always done good in school. Not great but not bad. Near the end of last year we went to talk to his teacher (at her request) about how he seemed to have checked out early but the grades still count so she needed him to try to keep going til the end. I thought it was just a end of year, done with it kind of thing. I got his math test back yesterday and he got a 43% on it. As I was looking through he didn't even read what the questions were asking. For example it had them draw a polygon with one 90 degree angle and to mark all of the angles. He did this, then it said is your polygon a parallelogram and he answered 4. And on another part he just put a question mark because he didn't want to answer it and he says his teacher just says to put a question mark if you dont understand. But the kicker of it is he does know how to do it, he just got lazy about it and didn't want to do it. A lot of times he gets to the table and takes a quick look at his homework and just throws up his hands and says he doesnt understand how to do it. He absolutely hates reading and is slower but he has to read books and take comprehension tests which gives him points. He is supposed to have 20 points by mid oct and I think he maybe has 9. How can I motivate him or make him realize that this is important? During his conference with the teacher last year we had asked to get him in classes to help him and she told us that his grades were good and that he didnt qualify for those classes. I dont want to wait until he is failing. I trying to help him be proactive, not reactive in regards to homework. Anyone have anything that has helped them in this situation?
Have him tested for learning disabilities. If he tests negative, and the fact is that he is simply refusing to do the work because he can, then let him fail. Let him be held back a year. Let him go to summer school if he doesn't want to be held back. Let him feel the consequences of his actions.
When it seems like my son is struggling/not trying, my first question to him is "what about this is hard for you?" Not "why?", because kids don't always have a good answer to that which feels true for them, but 'what'.
Fourth grade is a time when school gets noticeably more difficult. I wonder if you have a perfectionist kid who doesn't want to try if he thinks he might have to struggle or even fail. We tell our kids they are smart, but that does them a disservice in the long run. Praising effort is more respectful to the child than just telling how well they *could* be doing, if only they applied themselves.
When my son was struggling, I found someone to tutor him. It was great because it wasn't *me* asking him to focus, it was another adult. This made a huge difference between K and 1st grade. Now, if I see he's not making progress on homework, I might ask him "is there something I can help you with?" I don't do the homework for him, but might suggest using tactile materials for math or have him read aloud to me when I'm available to notice the words he's getting stumped on and help him out with them.
Lastly, importance is in the eye of the beholder. I don't focus on the grades inasmuch as I notice the effort. I also try to take alternative approaches to different things. Tonight, his homework (2nd grade) is to study a world map to identify oceans and continents.He's not thrilled, so I'm going to make up a game where he can draw cards with the names of these places on them and use his Lego minifigures to 'travel' the globe. I think trying to meet kids where they are at and help them over their own self-made hurdles is important. And less talk about how they *should* be doing has helped. More matter of fact conversations: "I see you didn't finish last night's homework so we'll have to do it today. What do you need to get started?" (instead of "well, you blew off your homework last night and so now you have more to do".... see how one is just 'reality' and the other is more blaming?)-- trying to have that attitude that it's THEIR responsibility has helped us a lot.
Before you label him lazy I would try to find out what might be his difficulty. My daughter has dyslexia, some kids have executive function issues, perhaps he has learning issues that are now coming to the forefront since up to 3rd grade kids are learning to read, but after that they start to read to learn. You can write a letter to the principal and explain you are concerned about his learning struggles, give some specifics and request to have him tested for eligibility for special education. Do it in writing which starts a legal time table by which the school has to respond. The testing will help understand what is going on, although we ended up having a private neuropsychologist interpret the data for us. Telling your child to work harder when he might have issue is like telling me to squint harder when I need glasses. Don't let grades be the guide - my daughter got a B in Spanish when she did nothing and can barely read or spell in English. The criteria is not grades, but progress per the child's own potential. We ended up hiring an advocate to help us through the legal difficulties of getting our daughter on an IEP. Good luck.
Lazy? Maybe, but I don't think that is your problem here. How does he test? How is he focus wise in other activities? Does he always give up easily? Is this new since last year?
You need to find what the problem is, not lable him lazy.
Talk to him, work with him. What is confsuing him about his homework? Work with the teacher to make sure he understands the concepts in class. Get a tutor if he needs someone besides mom and teacher to help him.
I had been going through EXACTLY the same thing with my son for years. It wasn't so bad in the early years kindergarten - 2nd grade but when the work started getting more challenging I noticed his grades sliding. Everyone kept telling me he was lazy and to a point I could agree but finally I had him tested for ADHD and that is what he was diagnosed with. He has a terrible time with Math and now that he is in 8th grade and Science is getting harder, he is having a hard time with this as well. He can not focus long enough on it to understand it. I have found with his ADHD that the subjects that interest him (Reading, Writing, Social Studies) he does better in. It keeps his attention longer. I have tried everything with him with Math, such as getting him a tutor, he stays after for extra help and still he struggles. Regarding the ADHD, I was told that my son didn't qualify for those types of classes either but he does qualify for a 504 plan which gives him modified tests and extended time to take the tests and preferential seating in the class. He was on medication for awhile but I found it didn't really help and I was afraid of the side effects so I took him off it. He has gotten a little better but I still have to keep on top of him to do his assignments. Not sure if this helps but your story sounded so familiar I had to respond. Good luck!
From the post, it appears he's never been evaluated for anything. Why hasn't anyone at the school recommended getting him tested for the kinds of executive function problems that Teenmom mentions? And his slow reading -- is that special points system he uses a result of his being tested in any way to see why he has reading issues (dyslexia? Other learning problems?). And why isn't anyone at school connecting the ideas that maybe his reading issues are affecting his ability to comprehend the questions on math tests, social studies tests, etc.?
The school year is young. That 43 on a math test is your wake-up call and should be the school's wake-up call too. Yes, kids do "check out" and not want to do work sometimes, especially at the end of the year, but this is the very start of the year. It's time to get him on track by being much more assertive with the school. He may not qualify for special ed or whatever classes they denied you last year -- but you can and should insist that his teachers, the school counselor, the learning disabilities specialist (for your school or your school district, whichever is appropriate) quickly move to have him evaluated to see if this is a learning problem or some kind of emotional or mental block about being in school. The latter would mean that he does indeed need different motivation, and you should not have to figure that out all alone -- this is why the counselor and other school specialists are there. Use them. Find his learning issue, or find out why he's not motivated. The counselor should be able to help you with the motivation issue if that's what this is --but first get him tested.
I personally feel that a couple months of poor grades is not enough to jump immediately to requesting testing for learning disabilities. It seems like people are jumping to conclusions really quickly. It kind of sounds like he isn't motivated because he struggles with reading. I would focus on helping him with his for a few months and see if there is an improvement. I would get him high interest books, read to him every night, etcetera. Also just make sure your talking to him about why he isn't putting forth effort.
I know you don't want to wait till he is failing but needless testing may not get him any extra supports if he isn't significantly behind.
Updated
I personally feel that a couple months of poor grades is not enough to jump immediately to requesting testing for learning disabilities. It seems like people are jumping to conclusions really quickly. It kind of sounds like he isn't motivated because he struggles with reading. I would focus on helping him with his for a few months and see if there is an improvement. I would get him high interest books, read to him every night, etcetera. Also just make sure your talking to him about why he isn't putting forth effort.
I know you don't want to wait till he is failing but needless testing may not get him any extra supports if he isn't significantly behind.
I'm going to ask you to tell the teacher that she/he needs to deal with this and give your son absolute consequences at school and leave you out of it.
This teacher has to take her/his authority and use it. As long as the teacher is telling you on him and expecting you to manage his actions they are going to get the same results.
ETA
A 504 plan is perfect for your son.
An IEP is for people that have things like Mental Retardation, Autism, Severe Learning Disabilities, etc...think Special Ed. This plan is for kids that have disabilities in more than 2-3 daily living skills, they will often end up in the special ed classes in higher grades.
An IEP is NOT for kids who have seizures, diabetes, behavior problems, ADHD, and things that effect how they sit in the classroom and learn.
I still think you need to turn this over to the teacher and school to handle. Have them allow their own psychologist come in and observe him in class, let them do their own testing, if they recommend meds I'd suggest you start with Ritalin. It's completely out of the system in 4 hours.
It DOES NOT build up in the system, it does NOT show up in any tests after 4 hours. It goes through their system and speeds the brain function so it syncs up and works right. They have hardly any side effects from Ritalin. It's one of those drugs that have been around for a very very long time too so it's been tested and used many many many times.
Time released meds do build up, they do hang around and show up in blood work days after stopping it. They can tend to have many many more side effects that last all day and all night.
So for me it's Ritalin all the way. He's responding well and only takes it during the school week, 1 whole pill in the morning then a half at lunch time. He hardly ever takes another half after school but he does if there is some situation where he needs to sit down and pay concentrated attention.
We did give it to him on Sunday mornings before church. We gave it at 9:30 and you almost watch it wear off about noon or 12:15.
Does he have chores at home? How does he handle those chores?
