Son Leaning Back in His Chair

This sounds kind of mean, but let him keep leaning. Ignore him.
Eventually the chair will tip over (or close to it!) and he will learn.
If he breaks it, he has to pay for or work off the repair to the chair.

I had a teacher in middle school who quit asking the kids to stop leaning back. She just started ignoring them. One day, someone went too far back and slam! on the floor. The chair broke---all their dignity was gone for that day and everyone in the class quit leaning back in their chairs.

I agree with taking the chair away and giving him a stool. Or one that will not "lean" or tip over. It is probably a nervous habit, but he is old enough to stop doing it when you ask him too. I know it can be annoying, my son used to do the same thing, but I threatened to take away his nintendo, he eventually stopped.

Give him a stool to sit on. And remove his chair.
Or put pads on the under the chair legs, to prevent it from slipping, unless the dining area is carpeted.
Or maybe when he falls over... he will stop. I don't mean that in a mean way.. .just that he is 12 now... and well, I would do that even when I was a teen.

I kind of wonder if a stool would stop the behavior. We have a couple stools and my son still rocks on those (they aren't at the kitchen table). I suggest you have him push his chair farther from the table. He'll need to lean slightly to reach his plate and won't be able to tip the chair. If he does, he would be too far back and won't really be eating! (you need to be leaning back in a chair in order to push it off floor and this position would be avoided this way)
I also think you are playing into his hands a little, no offense, but kids understand when they are 'winning'. You are allowing this to continue and you have to put your foot down, esp. if dinner time is truly that important like it sounds. If he is disruptive to the family dinner time, he gets removed from the room for a few minutes . I have had to do this to cut bad habits and it works quickly, because it is annoying to have to keep going away from the room and their food gets cold. You are also showing them you won't put up with disruptive behavior and disobeying you.

As you said, he forgets and doesn't know he's doing it... Have you ever heard of the two legged stool. You have to keep your own balance. I've been told that kids at this age start doing this because these kids are not right/left brain balanced. Or you could get an exercise ball for him to sit on. There is no choice but to have two feet on the floor. This is thought to stimulate bilateral neuro connections that may need to be strengthened. Just an alternative way to look at this rather than a deliberate annoyance.

Jen

I would say the best advice is to make him stand, but since you don't want to do that. Get another chair, perhaps a cheap folding chair. Tell him he's stuck in it until he breaks that habit because you don't want your nice chair broken. I knew kids who did that in highschool with their chairs. They stopped after my teacher shared a horrifying broken chair story. I'm not even going to repeat it. My kids were all relegated to a cheap folding chair at one time or another for different reasons, they hated it. I get why some people said what they did, but I'm with you, I don't want my nice table set broken. It took me 10 years to get it.

That would drive me nuts too. How about putting him at the "kids' table" until he can sit properly? Maybe that will be embarrassing enough to make him pay attention. I think you might be right on some level, that he forgets, but he is choosing to not pay attention just to get your goat.
You could say no dessert or no TV at the first time he does it. You could take away other privileges. I know it might sound like overreacting, but the truth is that family meal time is important and it is extremely rude for him to do this. He's old enough to know better, so he's old enough to knock it off and show some basic courtesy.
He might not respond to the silent treatment, where you stop talking to him the first time he does it. Let him fall over backwards. Chances are it will shock, but not injure, him, and maybe he needs to learn to pay attention the hard way. You could also move the table so that his chair is close enough to the wall that he can't lean it back. Those are all of the ideas I can think of.
I'll amend this to say let him fall over if you have carpet. He could hurt himself or the chair on tile or even hardwood or linoleum. I like the exercise ball idea too.

My daughter does a lot of different little things, including tipping the chair back. I just took her to a place called Pediatric Potentials in Lake Mary and it turns out that she has Sensory Integration Disorder and it can be helped by doing Occupational Therapy. I have talked to other parents that go there and say that their child is a different person after doing the therapy. My daughter loves it so far, and asks to go back and "play" all of the time. Hope this helps.

Maybe a folding lawn chair - so if he tips back it will start to fold on him - I think he would probably set it back down before it completely closed or fell to the floor. Good luck!

We all put our bodies in the position they hurt us the least-
if he continually does this then that may well be the position that feels best to his body.
Check out International Chiropractic Pediatric Assn for a referral to a chiropractor to check out WHY this is the most confortable position, and fix that.
Saves alot of wear and tear on everyone to handle the under lying problem, then no more yelling about this.
Best, k

I agree with finding a different style of chair for him such as a stool, a chair with a footrest, or even a beanbag chair. My son's not big enough to lean back on the dining chairs yet since his feet don't touch the floor, but he's already broken one anyway. He was kneeling on the seat, talking to me through the back of the chair while I fixed dinner, and the chair fell over and the back came completely off. My son(who has ADHD/Aspergers) also has a lot of nervous habits that he doesn't even know he's doing. A piece of paper on the floor becomes a skate. He chews his shirt collar, and constantly hums and sings. The difference on days he take ADHD meds is dramatic. I usually try to redirect the behavior to something more appropriate, such as chewing gum or getting exercise. I talk to him about stopping the behaviors when he is able to so it doesn't become a bad habit he's stuck with forever. If your son is old enough, you can involve him in brainstorming solutions for this. Whether it's a different chair, a hand signal instead of verbal reminder, a reward or punishment system, going for a quick walk or stepping away from the table for a minute, he might be more likely to follow the plan if he helps come up with it.

can you replace the chair with a bench or block ottoman that has no legs. Or, tell him if it continues after the first reminder he will be asked to leave the table. He's twelve, he should be able to remember and a missed meal or two might just jog his memory for good.

My 5 year old has done the same thing. If he tips in his chair, he has to eat all meals for that day on the kitchen floor.We took his chair away from him. It only took him 1 day to understand, and stop tipping. Good luck!!

Well, knowing about primitive reflexes, I would guess he has a very strong STNR and /or ATNR which is forcing him to sit like that to gain comfort and balance. See if he sits in weird ways when he is writing. Find a provider to integrate reflexes on www.masgutovamethod .com. Typical children have unintegrated reflexes that cause all kinds of learning issues, behavior and anxiety.

Have you tried ignoring him. When he falls back or breaks the chair he will learn his lesson. I am sure at 12 years old he is very aware of what he is doing, if he were a five year old I might say yes he is forgetting. I am constantly reminding my kindergarten class to not lean back on their chairs. I say ignore him. If he breaks the chair and gets an allowance let him replace the chair with his own money. Lesson learned!!

Some children (and adults) need increased sensory input to help them know where their body is in space, to help calm themselves or to help them to maintain focus. While it is certainly possible that it is a habit or is something that unconsciously obtains attention, it is far more likely that the behavior is serving another purpose. If this is an isolated behavior that is disruptive to your family, then a simple solution would be to provide him a large ball to sit on while at the dinner table. While these can be very expensive from a therapy catalogue, one of the cheaper large "exercise balls" is a frugal and effective answer. Make sure it is large enough and sturdy enough to place him in good relationship to the table. At first it may be a little distracting, as he gets used to the movement the ball allows, but in a sort period of time, he and the rest of the family members will get used to it. You may also find that the ball is a better seating arrangment for doing homework at a desk or table and actually helps him to focus longer on his homework. (The cost of the ball will certainly be offset by the potential cost of repair to the dining room chair or an injured body part!)
You may also want to take this time to look and see if there are any other "unusual" behaviors that you have just seen as little quirks or the just the "way he is". Does he chew on the end of his pencil, have difficulty focusing, "get into trouble" when he has to do a task that requires him to sit still for a long period of time? If you are wondering about other possible symptoms that fit into a pattern, check out the book, "The Out of Sync Child", google "Sensory Integration" or make an appointment with an Occupational Therapist that does Sensory Integration Therapy. You have lots of resources in the Orlando area.
Your son may just need a little extra movement in his life or he may have a pattern of behaviors that indicate that he would benefit from a consultation with an OT. Wishing your family well.

What if you simply turned the chair? You could put the back of the chair on the side or even turn it around completely and put the back of the chair against the table. If he doesn't have a back to push against he won't be able to lean back. Also, it won't be very comfortable to sit in the chair with it turned so after a week turn it back and see if the behavior has stopped!

Good luck!
A.
www.HealthySafeFamily.com

I wonder if he is doing it to get your attention? Try ignoring him for a few days. If that does nothing I like the idea of making him stand while he eats.

Good luck and God bless, M.

I read the other comments and maybe he will never fall or break the chair but it is still an annoying habit to have to watch while you are eating. What about an office chair? Those are hard to tip back. I wouldn't consider this punishment for his behavior (and I don't think you are). It's just that he needs to learn to break the habit and you need the proper type of chair.

I think you give him one warning/reminder then tell him he has to leave the table. Obviously you are concerned enough about him and your chairs that this is a battle your are "picking" is important enough to dig in your heels over.

I think if his behavior is disruptive enough to you and your DH that you can't relax and enjoy your family dinner, then you should drive the point home to your son that he needs to show some "table manners" or not be allowed to eat dinner with the family.

I love the stool idea!

This brought back memories of 4th grade when we had a teacher that talked to us about "flying" in our chairs.. It did seem like it was the boys that were always doing the flying.. One day our teacher was in her own chair reaching for something behind her when all of a sudden she and her chair fell all the way back and onto the floor! We were shocked.. Thank goodness she was ok, but she got up and said, "see what can happen if you fly in your chairs?" Bless her heart.