Son Hit Me Again Tonight

Hi there. Sorry, I don't really have any advice...although the steps you took I think are the right ones so far. I just wanted to say that while reading this my heart really went out to you. I can't imagine how hard this situation is for you and your family. Just wanted to say that whatever situation we have in life, God is able to give us the strength to get through it. I'll be asking Him today to give you the strength you need.

God bless. May He fill you today with strength and wisdom on how to handle this situation.

hi FD,
How old is your son?? I have a 8 yr.old autistic son. He is very aggressive and hyper. He hits when he gets mad also. I also have a 7 yr.old girl and a 20 month old baby. It's definetly not easy. My son goes to a school with all autistic children. He has progressed alot. He started off with 50 hours a week of 1 on 1 ABA therapy at him, since he's been 2 yrs.old. He goes to school thru the summer. Do u have Medicaide waiver? U can apply for that thru an agency, and it takes awhile, but once u get it, u can get services like respite, or a behavorial therapist. Look into an after school program. My son says in school until 5pm. He has a chance to play from 3-5 and takes the bus home. My son has been on meds since 3 yrs.old. Medications are trial and error, but we have to be open to it, because it helps my son. He takes clonidine,risperdal, tompamax- which is for seizures. He has to take meletonin for sleep. It seems like alot, but we weened him off for 6 months because we thought it was too much meds, and he got super hyper and aggressive. Alot of times these kids need to go out and walk alot or run in the park. I try to walk my son everywhere. It makes him tired. It saves on my gas. I take all the kids and we go. If u need anymore help, let me know. Also, where do u live?? I live in Brooklyn,ny.
L.

Hello FD, I was reading your story & wanted to offer advice, but I was left w/many questions. From an outsider looking in .. what stood out immediately for me, tho, was when you wrote "after finally husband came downstairs to help". "after" how long of your son Yelling, swearing (into your eardrum), hit you in the head, pushed you into the wall did your husband come down? I no these things happen pretty fast. Also you write "the doctor spoke to him" Did that help calm your son down? Can your husband get him to calm down or only the Dr.? All these questions play an impt. role in how to handle your situation. If he listens or stops the behavior when his Father gets involved then you may NOT have to send him away. Also, I don't no how OLD the children are. You say the "older" one was at the top of the stairs watching this behavior; leaves me w/another question "did the older son behave this way when he was younger too"? I ask because if he did, maybe the younger son is repeating his older brothers behavior. I have seen times when a small child falls, the first thing he/she will do is look RIGHT up to the parent, if the parent reacts w/fear, the child will cry-- if the parent says "oh you're OK." & offers comfort, many times (unless of course they're very hurt) the child will NOT cry. That tells me that we (adults) set the stage for the children...so sometiems a child know WHAT they can get away with, HOW LONG they can get away WITH it and WHO they can get away with it. If your child STOPPED when Dad came down, that may be the case with you. Your child may think he can get away w/that behavior with Mom. Maybe the doctor can help you & your hsuband w/some techniques of how to calm your son down so you won't have to send him away. Well I hope I explained what I'm trying to say clearly. And certainly hope it in some way will help you. God Bless..

F D,

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I remember your first post about whether or not to medicate. That was only a little while ago. Did you decide to medicate? Has the medication had a chance to work? I only ask that question because I remember when my brother was a teenager they put him on anti-depressants (suicidal), and after a couple of days he got really upset because he didn't feel any better, but the meds took a couple of weeks to build up in his system before they would change how he felt, and he didn't understand that. If I were you, when I spoke to the doc, I would find out if the medications you have started recently, if any, would be effective yet.

My heart goes out to you and to your other child. Does he see a counselor of any kind? If not, you might want to consider that for him. Living with a sibling on the spectrum is a big deal, and any child witnessing a parent being hurt could use it. I'm sure he's afraid for you, frustrated with living with the meltdowns, angry at his brother for hurting you, even when he knows his brother can't control it, all kind of emotional baggage, and I bet for him it really does sound like making his brother go away is the best solution.

And sometimes it is. It's hard, when you've taken care of a child every day of their life to have to sit back and examine the possibility that the job has gotten too big for us. And the small, secret part of your mind that says, Yes, I'm tired, and I just want it to be quiet here makes us feel guilty, selfish, and ashamed. So we push away the option, and keep going on, because we feel bad even thinking about it. BUT, your other child has feelings, too. And he's afraid in his own home.

A residential facility where your son can work with therapists and doctors intensively to leanr how to control frustration and anger, to improve his expression of emotion, could change his life forever. It could give him the tools he needs to function in larger society, to someday have relationships with people outside of the family, to live a richer and fuller life. You may be able to bring more services to him in that environment than you can at home. I don't know much about NM, so I don't know if you have access to a behavioral consultant, and a TSS, and a mobile therapist and all of the wonderful professionals who can really help a child on the spectrum. If you have a great team in place and your son is making solid progress toward his goals, then maybe this isn't the thing for him.

But if he doesn't have services in place, and the school district or your county offices aren't helpful, then considering all of the other options to get him the help he needs is part of being responsible as a parent.

I'm not saying you NEED to do this, or that you're a terrible parent if you DO decide to do it. Only you, your husband, and your son's doctors can make this decision. But I want you to know that there are people out here who understand how agonizing this choice is, how heartbreakinig it is to even consider it, and who won't judge, no matter which road you take.

Jess