Son Can't Lose Nicely

I have a daughter who had the exact attitude towards losing as your son (she is now 27 yrs old); and I believe now she was and is AD/HD but 27 yrs ago not talked about a lot or easily dx'd. Your son is most likely easily bored, learns quickly and once he knows he can accomplish something i.e.,sports, studies, or anything he attempts, he will quit and become very fussy and this comes across as "poor loser". He really is not a poor loser he just needs to be challenged more and often. You need to find out his IQ (something I did not do and was not aware of until a few years ago)-- Anyway, I cannot stress enough the fact that he needs to be personally and mentally changelled or he will not learn to focus easily. I also learned this the hard way and I will not go into details, but on the plus side my 27 year old woman/child is now in college and in the honor society. Should have happened to her before 27 yrs but we were so busy fighting each other with frustration on all sides that we did not stop and take a good look at the person, we were just concentrating on the problem - NOT GOOD! Another sign I ignored, which did not seem important at the time, is the fact that she would concentrate on only one thing at a time to the extent that even when she ate it was one item at a time, you probably recognize this symptom. So keep him busy with other kids, make sure he has a really really close friend that he trusts, find out his IQ, talk to his teachers, and listen to him. He could easily become a loner, as my child has, and not mom wants that for their children as I believe they are not truly happy unless focused and they have friends (male or female). T.S, AR

I was going to suggest that you get him in an organized sport, but since he's going out for football, that may help him alot. Having a good coach is the key; depending on how long he's/she's been coaching, he/she should be skilled and know how to show your son how to focus and be a good sport.

i'd let him know that he can't play any organized sports until he can keep his cool EVERY time he loses for __ months. put in what number you think is reasonable. it's hard to learn how to deal with losing. definitely explain to him that you understand that he's upset, but that games are just games. sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. he really does have to understand that before getting involved with a team or he'll get kicked off really quickly. i know in most junior leagues they require team handshakes or high fives after each match between the opposing teams. if you don't think he could handle that then he shouldn't play.

I think that you do need to factor in the ADHD. Most ADHD children are very emotional, impulsive and competitive. He needs a good coach in some organized sports to help him, but you have to remind him every time he plays a game (computer, board, or sports) that it's ok to be disappointed, but its how he expresses himself that is important. I don't know how you reason with an 8 year old boy because I have a 6 year old girl, but maybe the school counselor or your pastor could give you some tips as to how to approach it.

I also agree with what a PP said about it being the age. However, most of them at that age don't want to be seen crying in front of a friend or peer of other sorts, so you might be able to use that in a sports game more than at home with you.

Good luck

~M.

I have the same situation with my 8 year old. I think it may just be that at that age they have trouble expressing disappointment. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just put him in whatever sports he likes and the more games he does, it'll seem less traumatic if he loses. I'd just play up the fact that it was fun to play in the first place.