Son All of a Sudden Fearful at Night, Trouble Falling Asleep and Being Alone

Hi. It sounds like you are asking all of the right questions and are in tune with what is going on with your son. While there still may be something else on his mind, he may not be ready or know how to address it.

In thinking about what I would do when my son was a kind, confident 9 year old, I realized what my approach would be (and still would be even at his 16 years). These are my thoughts solely based on experience with sleep problems.

A question for you...why do you think it would be bad to soothe him to sleep every night? I know you don't want to make it a habit, and at 9 he should be able to go to bed by himself. But, something is getting to him and it may help him if you are there for him -- at least for a few nights to see what becomes of the issue. Sometimes, when kids are in bed and feeling safe in the moment, they tell you things they may not bring up at other times. Or they ask questions they may feel silly or embarrassed asking. Or maybe with a few nights of good sleep it will help him open up to what is wrong, or to realize he's chasing imaginary monsters because he's so tired. Either way, he needs to feel safe until he gets past whatever is going through his mind.

Maybe you could read something to him that is light/ soothing, or have him read to you. Or, if you are so inclined, you could teach him a bit of meditation or say prayers. Have a fountain trickling in the background while he is trying to go to sleep, or a CD with nature sounds -- whatever he finds relaxing and will let his mind rest.

The other issue could be that he is going through emotional growing pains. Maybe kids his age are changing personalities and he's unsure where he fits in. Or he likes a girl for the first time and not sure what that means. Or school is harder (4th grade -- assuming he is in 4th grade -- can be a tough year as more is expected of the kids)

Don't discount that there might be something else wrong, but look for the "easy" stuff first. It might be a better approach for your son.

Good luck.

Hello TS! First of all I want to encourage you and tell you that I think you're doing the right things!

Speaking through personal experience, I remember being little and going through cycles of being fearful at night - and it didn't matter that I had a twin sister sleeping right next to me! They were my fears, my mind wandering, my thoughts taking me to "unrational" places because of things I'd seen or heard. I call it my time of "awareness" - which still continues today.

It sounds funny, but I remember learning more and more about the world we live in. While it is wonderful place full of kind, good-hearted, well meaning people, it is also full of mean, ill-willed, and downright evil people! I am an optimist at heart, but my sense of security was slowly "taken" from me.

Ok, so how is this supposed to help you? I'm not exactly sure, but I know that my Mom did the things that you're doing. She stayed with me in those moments and made me laugh. She helped me try to think of all the good things, or things I loved to do, etc. Happy thoughts! She also didn't lie to me about the world, but she explained that God is bigger than the world, and that she and Dad would do everything they could to keep me safe and loved. It helped me work through my fears. Oh, and they were more guarded with the TV too, which wasn't hard considering we didn't have cable!

Now I have two small children, with whom I tell to think happy thoughts! It is a process that will cycle as they get older, as it did with me! I can only hope that I make them feel as loved and secure as I did!

You're doing a great job!

I feel so bad for him. I remember as a kid having the same feelings and laying awake for hours at night. Unfortuantely, I actually feel the same way as an adult when my husband is away. Do you think he would feel better if there was some type of security device on his windows and the doors of the house? You don't have to go buy a security system, but there are little devices that you can get for less than $5 each that you put on the windows and doors. If the device is switched on, when the magnetic pieces are separated, the device buzzes (very loudly). Or you could just put a dowel in his windows so no one can open them. Just a few easy ways to help ease his mind if it security issues.