Son Acted GREAT W/babysitter

My sister finally decided that if her kids were acting like gentlemen outside of the house then that was enough for her. She battles w/ them at the house, but hears all the time from strangers that they are so well mannered, etc.

I think children act out at home b/c it's their 'safe' area.

My gosh-they're still alive? Anyway-a couple thoughtsDon't be so hard on yourself or your neighbor. You deserve a couple of fun nights out, now and then to put everything back together-it is money well spent. Years ago General Norman Schwartkoph was interviewed-I forget by whom, and he said that as a general, his orders were carried out to the letter all day-everyday-without fail. Then he said, he would go home and not be able to get three kids to brush their teeth! You're doing a great job-and it is important to know that your son has respect for his elders. If families lived in perfect harmony-all the time-children would never leave home-and mankind would not continue!

I'm sure she wasn't criticizing you - she was probably complimenting you on raising a cooperative child. Your child obviously has learned about boundaries. Or, she was stating that all kids tend to behave better for someone other than a parent. We all go through that, no matter how many kids we have or whether or not we have a spouse/partner.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Kids are usually tougher with their parents because it's a power play and because they are more comfortable/relaxed and they know you love them unconditionally. So they aren't risking losing your love by being pains in the butt. That's good, but frustrating, you know? They also worry about impressing a sitter. Same reason kids behave in school - there is peer pressure, a "stranger" (the teacher, the principal), and also there are immediate consequences (loss of privileges) rather than just parental annoyance. Teachers can also send disobedient kids to the office - parent have to be more creative.

So, get through the basics of the bath as quickly as possible - the cleaning & shampooing part. If your child cooperates, then there's play time afterwards. If not, in and out in 3 minutes. Don't argue or plead - just be in control and business-like.

Don't apologize for needing to go out. You are an adult, and all of your needs cannot be met by a child, no matter how much you love that child. See if you can trade off some babysitting for free now and then - either with one person, or by forming a co-op with a group of single parents. Your child will do better if he sees that you are a whole person with needs and wants, and that you are not a slave to his schedule and desires. He will learn to treat women properly if you show him what women deserve - which is to be a whole person and not just a mommy.

You're probably doing a great job as a M. and shouldn't doubt your ability. I think kids behave better for others because they aren't sure what they can get away with yet. Everyday life is different than the occasional night with a sitter. Anyone can keep up the fun exciting play time for an evening with a toddler, but everyday life gets harder. It doesn't mean he can't behave well for you, it means he knows how to behave and was intimidated by her enough to toe the line just in case she would blow up. That means you're doing a great job raising him! As for the cost for the neighbor/friend sitter. I do that all the time for free! I would rather help out a friend over and over for free than make it a paying job once. And I'm really tickled by the fact you went to the concert with your dad. How cool is that!

Here's how I see it..... your son is comfortable with you, so that allows him the ability to "act out" occasionally and see if he can push your buttons. The neighbor caring for him was new to him, and, if she continued to care for him on a regular basis, would probably see the same things you see. That is all perfectly normal behavior.

It sounds like you are doing a good job raising your son, since he DOES know to be respectful to adults and people in authority. You don't want to know how many middle school kids (I work in a middle school) that have problems with that! I get kids (normal kids) talking back to me all the time, or saying things to me that I wouldn't have DARED say to an adult when I was that age!

Hopefully you can continue to take an occasional night off (maybe trade baby-sitting with a friend on occasion), since you deserve some "me" time, also! I'm glad it all worked out for you to have a great time with your dad and Moody Blues... I love that group!

I hate it when people make those "innocent" comments. Grr. As a sensitive person, it really upsets me, too. I want to assure you, though, that it doesn't mean anything bad about your parenting that he was great :) I would chalk it up to the fact that she was someone new and he wasn't sure how she would respond or that he was excited about something new. Also, in child development, it is a well known fact that mamas get the worst behavior because they feel safe and can "let down their hair" and not worry that we won't love them if they act out. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work, and I'm glad you got a night out!

I don't know what the going rate is in TX. But I can tell you that I care for children nights and weekends and charge 25 per night and even keep them overnight for the same price. I do ask for 5 dollars more if they don't pick up before 8am. But usually the parents leave them until 10 and don't offer more money and I don't ask for it because I hate to.

I don't get a lot of business for parents that go out because they STILL think it's a lot of money. I don't know where you went. But people tell me drinks are 6-8 bucks EACH. We all know how expensive it is to see a movie. Going out to eat is expensive too.

Oh and ONLY $15.00 per hour? Honey many of my moms are lucky to make 10 or 11 bucks per hour.

Ever heard that old, old saying: "Familiarity breeds contempt"?

It's not really contempt he feels for you -- hey, he loves you -- but you're soooo familiar he's relaxed with you and shows his sad/tired/acting out/testing boundaries self to you and not to a shiny new adult he's just met. It's OK and normal!

I'm glad you got out. And yes, as others said -- if they're great for other people outside the home, you ARE doing a good job at home!

My son was an absolute angel at day care. I'd get compliments all the time.
And then I'd get the melt downs as soon as I'd get him home.
It seems the strain of being good all day gets to be too much at the end of a long day and they love you and trust you enough to show you their true selves.
So really, your child melting down for you only is a fantastic compliment - but it doesn't feel like it!
Don't feel bad over the sitter's comment.
She might be a very nice person and a good sitter but still an idiot when it comes to parent/child relationships.
Never worry about what an idiot thinks.

That's great that you got to go out last night. I'm sure your neighbor didn't mean anything by her comment. Some people just don't think about how things sound.
I read somewhere that kids are not as well behaved w/the parents because they are more comfortable with the parents. My boy is an example of that. He's great at school, all the teachers love him. If he has a meltdown, he does it at home. He listens to my parents or sister really well when one of them has him. We're so glad to hear that, then we get him back, and it's, "No! No! No!"
I wouldn't worry too much (I know easier said than done). We do the best we can and have to ignore people who don't have children and want to tell us how to be parents.

You're SO lucky to have a babysitter who is also a friend and thus trusted and who charges 7$ not 10$ hr.!! Count your blessings

Don't read too much into this. It's totally normal for little kids to behave exceptionally well for others. What seems like a grind or routine at home can feel special and exciting when it's done with or for someone else.
I doubt she was bragging at all. She wanted you to know all was well and you had nothing to worry about and won't need to worry for next time. And, as far as saying that the child knows she won't put up with what mommy puts up with....that's a general statement that applies to practically every kid. Kids are far less likely to test someone else.
I think you should be proud your little boy did so well. I don't think you'd really feel better if she'd said he was a complete monster the whole time.
As a single mom, I didn't go out often, but I didn't pay for daycare because I traded off with friends who had kids. They went out more than I did, but my kids liked being around the other kids and were very comfortable being left with people they were used to when I did go out.
That's always an option. You obviously know other single parents from church.

I'm glad you had fun! I'm sure it was well worth it and deserved.

$7/hr is dirt cheap for babysitting! And it sounds like you may just need to be the tough guy during baths. I know it's probably hard because you don't have another parent to play good cop/bad cop with but think about splitting your duties between yourself (say for bath time and brushing you are bad cop) when my husband is at work for a week or so (USCG) this is what I have to do. WIth hanging out and playing I let things go but with things that are detrimental to routine like baths I hold to my guns. If she's a turd then bathtime is 3 min long (long enough to bathe and wash her hair, no toys, no playing). Good luck I can only imagine what you're going through!