My husband and I are stressed to the limit right now. We have more student loan debt than most people could imagine (if I could kick my 21-year-old self's butt, I would!)... so I continue taking graduate classes so that I can keep mine in deferment. My husband got a good job right out of his BA for someone with no experience and a degree in history, so "good" is relative financially. That was this May. I got a good job as a college instructor, but it doesn't pay that much and there's a commute and a car payment that go with it. I work part time as an adjunct because my full-time contract ends in May and I haven't been able to find a job for either the summer or the fall yet, so I'm trying to save money (what my husband makes pays mortgage, utilities, and his student loan payments-- I make food, credit card payments, gas money, car payments, medical money, home repairs...). We haven't added to our debt since September and do not intend to add a dime more, but we are on a sinking ship. Our mortgage is the same as we would pay for rent in any place big enough to hold us and our 2 cats and a dog (part of the family, even if an added expense, so not an option), and even if we could move somewhere to take the burden of home repairs off, the market right now wouldn't support selling. Because we make "too much", we don't qualify for any help, yet we have weeks of very sparse pantries and we have home repairs that are desperate but not being done b/c we have no money. Our loans mean we can't re-finance the house, either. We have no cell phone, no cable, and we've sold almost everything of value in the house. My husband and I share home responsibilities fairly equally (although we are both very stressed from the tension and occasionally fight about money or responsibilities). The worst part, though, is that our beautiful 3.5 year old son has to deal with our schedules, and he's not doing well. Part of our student loans were taken out in an effort to keep him out of most childcare for the first two years of his life (it worked out well with my husband's degree, too), but now he goes to a very reasonably priced child care center where he's gone since last January. He likes his teachers, and the classes are small, but he hates going, he doesn't talk to the other kids even though he's known them over a year, he sobs some mornings... and my husband is on a rotating schedule with no control over it and I've got killer long days two or three days a week and one short day and then I have a ton of work to do on Fridays and weekends b/c we want to spend time with him and keep care costs low, so we've arranged our schedules and generous friends so he's only in care 25-30 hours a week. He tends to be up nights off and on, and it gets worse when the schedules are bad-- we know it's so that he can spend time with us. And it's not fair-- or fun as a family-- that we often just seem to be passing him back and forth. I know he'll be in regular school soon and he'll have to adjust, and I have done the math and even eating only potatoes, eggs, and apples from Aldi's we wouldn't make it on just one salary... but this seems more like purgatory than living. Consumer Credit Counseling won't deal with student loans, I have applied for many, many jobs (part of the problem that even if I wanted to work non-educationally, I have to a. wait for the semester to end, and b. I am overqualified and underqualified by my degrees for many, many jobs), we have no family to help us, and we don't have many other places with corners to cut! Can anyone suggest anything I may not have thought of? This is rapidly destroying our health, our home, and our family...
Thank you to everyone who responded! It is reassuring, although scary, that other people are going through the same thing. My focus gets too narrow when I get panicked! I have contacted the woman who offered to help, so I'm looking forward to that. I wanted to thank you for your suggestions-- one of the reasons we have not added to our debt since last year is because of Dave Ramsey's books! We don't do luxuries-- when we got our taxes back we used most of it to save for my upcoming unemployment and to pay for necessities (dental visit, eye doctor, car insurance, etc), but we splurged and ordered our first pizza in 6 months! We are very, very tight. Thrift store, Aldi's, pot-luck instead of restaurant kind of tight. As I said, even if we thought we could save by selling our house (the mortgage on it is equal to rent in our lower-class neighborhood, so not much of a point anyway), no one is buying houses. My loans are deferred since I'm in school (and would be more than $700 a month if I wasn't), and my husband doesn't qualify for a deferment since he makes a little bit more than the "minimum wage plus one dollar an hour more" required for a hardship deferment. I did try to attend church, but I found that I was either getting guilt-tripped for not tithing or guilt-tripped for being a working mom (2 different churches), so I started making a point of spending that time as totally focused time with my husband and son. Just doing that made me feel a bit less rotten about how little time we get as a family the rest of the week. I'm just so tired of feeling beat-down, but knowing others are also finding the way through this struggle gives me hope that I can, too! Thank you all for responding and for keeping us in your prayers!
A.
Dear A., Do you have a local church you could attend? Sometimes being with folks who can pray with you and encourage you really makes a difference.
Hi A.,
I think this is the cycle that young couples have gotten themselves into these days, and I can certainly relate to your situation. My husband and I have started Financial Peace University and are learning SO much about relating with money. We don't actually fight over money, but I wouldn't be honest with you if I didn't admit that sometimes I am tempted to. Only God knows how often I have shot a prayer arrow - "Dear God, shut my mouth until I can get over this so I don't make it worse." I've been listening to Dave Ramsey's podcasts too, and it is really empowering to hear what he has to say. Dave really knows what he's talking about and so far when we've gotten outside of ourselves and just done what Dave says it really helps. No joke - I had a big celebratory moment today when (on my birthday!) we paid off the first debt in our debt snowball. (It was the last $34 dollars left from oral surgery I had on my last birthday, no less!)
I will say that I work from home, which saves the money for childcare and professional attire. It isn't for the feint of heart though... especially with a toddler. There are days I wish I could go to the office just to get away, but I know that even for all the stress of having to wear those two hats at the same time I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Keep on keeping on! You are in our prayers!
Hi sunshine
I am a grandmother and I really know your pain. Life can be tough but that to will pass. Just put your best foot forward
and everything will work out. I am an office mgr. for a dental office in Prairie Village and wanted to meet other ladies to socialize with and to also earn lots of extra money.
I opened my own business. I am an independent jewelry lady w/
Premier Designs and they pay me 50% immediately when I do a show and they pay the hostess w/ free and discounted jewelry.This will solve any money problems. Just check out the Premier designs website www.premierdesigns.com or e-mail me. ____@____.com Best to you M.
A., I don't know of anything because your story is familiar. I did want to tell you I know how you feel and I feel for you. I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I am sorry it is not a better response.
I HEAR THE STRESS! YOU NEED TO GET OFF 'THE MERRY-G0-ROUND
AND INCREASE YOUR ABILITY TO SEE YOUR OPTIONS IN AN
ORGANIZED WAY. THERE ARE MANY SUGGESTIONS I CAN WRITE,
BUT I WOULD RATHER TALK IT. NOW, I KNOW YOUR TIME IS
ALREADY EXTENDED, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO GET A HANDLE ON IT.
MY BACKGROUND: UNDERGRADUATE IN BUSINESS, DEGREE IN
ACCOUNTING; MA AND PhD IN PSYCHOLOGY. I HAVE WORKED WITH
DISTRESSED BUSINESS OWNERS TO 'PULL' IT TOGETHER, WHILE
WEARING S SECOND HAT LOOKING AT THEIR BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSES
THE 'TURMOIL'. THE BEST OF IT ALL HAVING A LIFE EXPERIENCE
AS A BUSINESS OWNERS WITH DISTRESSED COMPANIES. AND, ONE
THING I KNOW 'FOR SURE' YOU HAVE TO TAKE TIME TO PULL
TOGETHER A SHORT AND LONG TERM PLAN TO CURE THE SITUATION.
TRACK THE PLAN, AND CHANGE IT WHEN IT IS NOT 'WORKING'
FOR YOU.
I LIVE IN GRAIN VALLEY, AND, I AM WILLING TO MEET WITH
YOU OR TALK WITH YOU ON THE PHONE (AT NO COST) TO GIVE
YOU SOME VIABLE OPTIONS FOR SOLVING SOME OF YOUR PROBLEMS.
MY E MAIL: ____@____.com; TELE: ###-###-####.
YOU MAY SEND A E MAIL WITH YOUR RESPONSE, GIVING ME YOUR
PHONE #. I CAN CALL YOU AT NO COST ON MY PHONE.
THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO SOLICIT A CLIENT, JUST GIVE YOU
SOME INFORMATION THAT MAY HELP YOU SEE YOUR OPTIONS.
MY BEST, N. J ANDREW PhD
A.:
Trust me you arent alone in this situation. I to am a working wife and mother, and i do live pay check to paycheck and i to have a tremendous amount of debt. I will be honest i am the one that put us in debt with credit cards and then with the move that we had to do and everything. I understand and the only thing that has worked for me is this.
First and foremost, GROCERIES, not what i want but what i have to have to feed my kids. Two any little money put it towards a bill that you owe little on. And it will take time but that bill will get paid off.
If you ever need to talk or to vent please dont hesitate to email me at ____@____.com
hi!! i could say i know how you feel but that makes no difference and is of no help to you. i think you should sit down and seriously evaluate what you NEED an what you WANT. a lot of times we we think we need something but really it is something that we want. i have been a single mom w/ credit card debt, student loan debt, car pymt, etc,etc.thank God i got away from it!! i have NO credit cards and instead of financing or leasing a car, i will only buy it if i can can pay for it. thats w/ anything. if i cant buy it w/ cash i dont buy it at all.and, think about this. how many times do you eat out because you are tired or its more convenient?? how many times do you stop to get gas and get a cappuccino or a snack? cut out what you dont NEED!!
Have you already used up your "economic hardship" deferments? I was able to do this with my Stafford loans. Would your student loan payments be more than daycare? Is it not cheaper for you to work full time at a job with regular hours, other than run around between work and school?
We live in a tiny (less than 900 sq. st.) two bedroom, one bath house, and only own one car. This is what lets me stay home with our kids. Our credit card debt was getting out of control, so I started working part-time at the mall for min. wage after my husband got home. This way we don't have to pay for child care. I now babysit 5 days a week and sometimes work at my mall job to make extra money. This is how we get by. It is still paycheck to paycheck, but we get by.
There are different types of deferments you can look into. You might also be able to declare bankruptcy on your credit card debt. Hang in there. We have also hit some financial lows and we are still fighting to get out of them. Do what you can to spend more time with your child and make the best of what time you get to spend together. Good luck.
