Social Interactions Amongst 3 Year Olds

When your daughter is greeting those people in the resturants and on the street...you are there...you are her security blanket so to speak, she feels more sure of herself when she is with you...peers can be intimidating and that's okay. I agree to give her the tools to tell her how to aproach someone...and explain if she doesn't speak to them they won't understand that she wants to play...but really she'll do it when she's ready...and that's okay...just think of how big everything is to her...I have 5 little boys, my oldest is extremely outgoing and two of the other painfully shy and the other 2 somewhere in the middle...everyone is different...I wouldn't worry about it too much!

Well what i tell my boys to do , is to go say
HI my name is KOVA, lets play.

And then ususally they play , but not always together,
that takes time,LOL

I mean they are 3

my oldest didn't make really good friends til he was in 2nd grade. which is about 7-8 years old.

I made regular playdates for him, so he had friends, but not any that he'd choose for himself.

they were mainly mommy dates, LOL

And they'd play together at home and for about an hour,

other than that it takes time,

Only children feel more intimidated, as they are as experienced as children with siblings.

My eldest was that way, good with adults, but not as good with kids, he didn't realize you need to follow the other kid around, OR why the other kids were running wild while he wanted to decide on a plan of action,WHY wouldn't they listen to him, ( he couldn't control there every move, like you can with adults )

I suggest giving her more one on one time with kids during playdates, encouraging more independent play, less mommy time.

Don't ignore her altogether, just push her to play with the kids more.

Don't allow her to sit in on an adult conversation

things like that.

Good luck and don't worry too much she will find her place.LOL

M

I have found that first children (or those who live with themselves as the sole child in the house) mostly all do this, unless there is another little one they see very very often. the playground is (dont you remember?) busy, and lots of social stuff happens there among slightly older kids that 2 and 3 yer olds often like best to watch and learn from. my son does this too. and his school/playgroup is all kids who have just turned 3 like him, and almost all of them do what your daughter does. hope this helps!

Hi!
Well, I have to say that I've had the same problem...two times...
My first daughter was a talker, curious and always asking questions, but only to adults. When she was at the park or at the preschool she was quiet and wouln't talk. Didn't interact with the children, nor even talk to them... The teacher told me, at the begining, not to worry, that she'll get more used to it with time..... Then later the teachers satard to worry me. I realized, with time that she was just an observer and enjoyed to watch other kids dynamics and interactions. That they also learn from watching. I try to push the soooo call "Socialization" and to tell you the truth, she was never deprived by it. Some times we just want our child to be what we think of a normal child should be. I felt pressure from the world outside and at the end I undestood (Thank Good) tha it was just her own way or nature to deal with it. She is almost 10 now and even though she is still "careful" whe choosing friends meaning that she won't be in a group of kids if they are too loud or a little out of control. She is very assertive and mature and her teachers and friends love her and you know why? Because I let her be her ownself, not my best friend's daughter, not my nieghbor's kid.
Then, I had my other daughter and her problem was very similar at the preschool. But this time I let nature take its course, I just didn't pay attention to it, I didn't push her like the way I did with my first one, and I didn't pay attention to any negative thoughts coming from other people. And you know what... She is five now and I see how she enjoys being with her friends and her teachers.
So, I would say to you that, as a first mother we tend to compare not only ourselves but also our kids to others and each of us are unique. Forget about all that and enjoy the uniqueness of your daughter. She'll come around and you'll be happy with the results...
Jess

Hi J.,

My oldest little girl is 4 now and I think your little girl is completely normal. My little girl will completely ignore children that she doesn't know even though she's incredibly friendly with her classmates. There were times when she would also walk up to another child but completely refuse to say anything. I think it's a normal stage that they go through in learning how to socialize.

Good luck.

It is wonderful that your daughter is socially outgoing and communicative with others at this young age. I absolutely wouldn't keep her from speaking with adults or listening to other adults converse - that is how young ones learn valuable communication skills, social norms, and expand their vocabulary. However, when she should be with children, as in these circumstances, you want to motivate her to socialize with her peers.

Free play and gym are much less structured and more chaotic than the other situations that you are describing. So that could make it more difficult for her. Also, most children parallel play (that is play next to rather than with) until 4,5 or even 6. Free play and gym are much more physical activities, and she may be figuring out how to interact in those different situations. Many times, extremely verbal children don't really understand the haphazard nature of their peers running around/games where rules often mutate at a whim. Not only have I experienced this with my 3 year old, but I have witnessed it as a Kindergarten teacher.

I think you could help her think about what she could do/say in these situations, but don't push her. Maybe verbalize some observations: Look at Joe jumping on trampoline - oh, he's done, so now someone else gets a turn. Seems like Jane is looking for someone to throw the ball to, etc. The key is to make sure she stays positive about these interactions, rather than avoid them.

I actually have the opposite problem. My 3 year old daughter is the one to initiate conversation on the playground - but she often encounters children who either don't know how to respond or are not yet comfortable with that format of interaction. Or, most likely, they just want to run around and play, and not stand around and have conversation and make up rules with my daughter.