So Many Changing ... and Will They Be OKAY??

Oh. My heart goes out to you. You are going through so much. If possible, you and your husband need to find time for yourselves - even if it's a walk alone each night. Take the kids to the park for picnics. Even in this difficult time, keep your marriage strong by loving and supporting one another and keep close with your children by doing family activities. Time isn't expensive, it's priceless. If you and your husband can keep your marriage strong, this is what will bring your children, your family, through these tough times. I'm not sure your religious background but I have found in difficult times, God always finds a way to make things good in the end. Prayer gets me through tough times and a 'grateful' list during my dark moments keeps me faithful. Don't give up, just look for the good. One thing is for sure, your children will see this as a turning point in their lives, and yours. Highlight the good and teach them that good comes even in tough times. I'm sure you know this but love is not about a home, or what you have but about family. Stick together. God bless you! I'll keep you and your family in our prayers.

The children will be O.K. and so will you. Alot of people are going through this with you. Please find a church community to get involved in. They will wrap thier loving arms around you and your family. They also have many resources to help. I don't know where you live, but Calvary Chapel St Pete has many programs (free) and can even offer a half price food program. Not to mention the support and encouragement you need most of all.Hope this helps you!

Mom,

When it rains it pours. I can not help but agree you should try to find a church. Talk to the adults in your life. Depression is a hard thing to go through, but it is even harder alone. Tell your sister and your husband if you feel like the walls are closing in and you need to get out of the house. Try to find a moms morning out group or a mops group to get involved in. I think as you start to spend time with other mothers of kids your age it will help. I also think that you will find out that you are not alone. Not everyone is loosing there house, but a lot of people are feeling the pains of the economy. Times are tough and you need to sacrifice where you can, but you also have to take time for yourself. Make sure your kids know that they are loved and they will get through it.

We lost our home and most of our possesions to a hurricane in 04, we moved in with my in laws for the 9 longest weeks of my life until we could find a place to rent. We had very little money, and very little furniture while we battled with our insurance company to settle. We could not spend money on anything extra because we were still paying a mortgage on a house we could not live in and rent so that I did not have to live with my in laws. My kids knew that we loved them and that as soon as we could we would replace what they needed, but for right now what you see is what you get. They have a tremendous appreciation for what they have. Your kids will be OK as long as you love them and do the best you can. Good Luck, and if you every need anyone to talk to feel free to drop me a line.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I know it's really hard for you to see all the changes that have happened with the house and car and job, but it's really just stuff and it won't matter to the kids if the family sticks together. My family went through a hard time when I was a kid, and I know that my mom taught us that stuff comes and goes, but we'll always take care of each other.

I'd try to keep their meals and bath and bedtimes regular and fun, and if they see you crying at other times, just tell them that mom and dad are working hard to take care of them, but sometimes you get tired and sad--and that you'll always love them and take care of them. Give them lots of hugs!

Maybe you can go to parks or the beach or something free with them if they seem to be missing their activities.

And I agree with the other mom--Dave Ramsey is a great help.

You and your family will be in my prayers!

I have recently had to pack up my apartment in Georgia and move to Florida. I moved in with my best friend and her family.I have a 5 year old Daughter. She had to relocate and change schools. She also went from living alone with me to living with a family of 5, now with us makes 7. I feel that is alot of adjusting for a little girl.She seems to be okay, but I don't really know. I just keep my focus on GOD and know that He has a plan for us. So that is my advice to you as well. Also just let the children know how much you love them , because you are thier stability. As long as they have you they will be fine.

hi there, hope all is well by now. As we all know and need a little reminder but nothing in this life is written in stone. So things go up and down. Id like to remind you of the children and families in africa who don't have clean water to drink, or full meals to eat. You have been blessed with three children a husband who's standing by your side. Be greatful for what you have. Even if things get taugh you make the best of things. I remember my grandma always telling me how taugh she had it when raising her kids she had 4 children (she came from europe) and because they didn't have anything to eat she would split one egg into four parts for the children in the morning. Im telling you this because no matter how frusterated, mad, depressed, angry you are it wont change the fact that your in the situation you are. My best advice to you is be grateful for what you have. How about going to a grocery store and your husband getting a job there as a second job? You have to do your part by looking. And just have a smile on your face because the one who created us would not put us through any test that we could not handol. behind this come great lessons learned. one that i could think of is youd have a stronger bond with your family appriciated the little things in life that truly matter which money can't buy...and that's having your family stand right beside you. Just like everything else... this shall pass as well. Best of wishes.....
A qote that i like(that im translationg)..."when the father is happy and no one else is happy...only the father stands happy...when the mother is happy...then everyone around her becomes happy"

What sort of work are you looking for.... and where.... keep positive.... and have faith.

I'm sorry you're going through so much but life is very difficult always, not just today... I am the mother of three grown boys. I have been through so much (including the loss of my middle son two years ago) that I don't even want to tell you about it.
I am not trying to diminish the difficulty and pain that you are going through, it's real and very hard I'm sure. Your husband's job is keeping you all fed right now, your job is trying to stay positive and know that tomorrow will be better. It may take a while but it will get better, it always does. Trust me. But you have to stay strong and solid and look to the future. Instead of thinking about the things you don't have you need to focus on the good things that you do have. I know that sounds trite and I know it's not easy but you are the Mom. If you are happy then everyone in your family will be happy. You have a beautiful family, you are lucky to have a sister in law who is willing to help you and you have your husband who is trying hard to get you through this difficult time. Be thankful and strong and do what you can to help the situation.
My husband and I raised our boys for their first 15 years in a 400 square foot house. It was tiny, we were poor and no one had any privacy at all but the boys thrived there. The result of that living arrangement was that everyone got so incredibly close to each other and my boys are still that way today. I thank heaven that we were forced to live like that because it was the best thing that ever happened to my family.
Be strong. Tomorrow will be better...

Dear M.,

I cannot begin to relate to what you must be going through as I have not walked in your shoes. I do believe that we are only given what we can handle in life and that you will come out of this a much stronger person. My suggestion is to become very involved in a church that offers children's programs. That is a great way to get the kids active at no cost. Also, it is okay to ask others for help when you are down - I am sure you would offer help to a friend in need if they asked you. Most of the time others are too busy in their own lives to know that something is going wrong in a friend's, so don't be afraid to tell them and ask for help. I know that something good will come from this even though it seems hard now. Also, look into as many free state programs (health care for kids) as possible to make it through the tough times. My prayers are with you.

Things will get better. Keep saying it to yourself and to your children. And believe it. Reach out and find help from local/government agencies. There are resources out there. I'm sure there are lots of Mama's out there reading this that will guide you in the right direction. I will hold a good thought for you and your family. You are safe and healthy. Those are the most important things. Stuff comes and goes. But we are all still here. You can do it. Tell your children that everyone goes through tough times but you get through it together as a family. Kids are resilient...often more than adults. A trip to the playground, a picnic in the park, a walk on the beach...this is what childhood is made of.

Keeping you in prayer. I went through a similar situation 2 years ago, and I can promise you, it is only a season. My husband was recruited to come out to Florida for a very promising career, and I knew he wanted to come back here as he's a native. He left his 6 figure job, my dream house, my entire family, and we moved all of our belongings here a couple of weeks before his start date. It was very difficult for me to do, but I did it for him...I had a 5yo, 3yo, and was pregnant. Well, on the day of his open house, he learned his position was no longer available! All of this, and he was jobless! He had already trained his replacement at his job in the midwest, and all of our furniture was on it's way. We were fortunate enough to have his Grandma's small house available to us, and as we were going further and further into debt paying our mortgage payment from the house we left, we just prayed and prayed and prayed. The kids saw me cry sometimes, but you know, looking back it was definitely a time that brought me closer to God and closer to my family. I think they even miss that little house. We spent alot of time at the parks and beaches as others have recommended. I'm happy to say today, even though we're still paying off all our debt, we're renting a home, my husband has a job, and our home up north has sold! Keep your faith...it's only a season.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband's job is very unstable at the moment, so I keep looking ahead to possibly ending up jobless and struggling to make ends meet in this economy (I'm a SAHM, too).

I also agree to find a church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a great church and has helped us out when we were in trouble. I'm not a member, but my husband is.

Also the advice to find multiple part-time work is a good one. You may not have benefits, but there are programs to get the kids on for health insurance and hopefully Obama will come through with an affordable national healthcare program.

Check online for jobs, too. There are work from home opportunities. Working evening shifts at a call center or group home or waitressing might be away for you to bring some income in in the meantime.

Just remember, this too shall pass. This is a temporary low and your family CAN and WILL get out of it. Try to lift up your chin, focus on the things you can do something about and take action. I agree that if your family sticks together, your kids will be okay. It's an opportunity to teach them about the things that really matter in life.

As far as their activities, a trip to the park, play structure in the mall, friends houses, beach, etc. will keep them plenty busy without costing you anything extra. You will get through this. Just keep those eyes open for opportunities and grab them when they come. Be optimistic and cling to your family. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Dear Mom of Three~

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. You are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers.

Blessings,

G.

The kids will be fine...they are so young they will likely not even remember this. On the other hand, you have been through so much, and possibly are dealing with post-partum depression on top of it all.
Our kids are much older (15, 12 & 6) but we have been through the same thing over the course of the last two years. We are in a rental house now and my husbands new job just cut out all over-time (which we depend on) so I am always worried about what the next day will bring. What has helped me is to just LET GO. That is the hardest thing to do, but I have focused on what we do have. In your case, you have your family, including three beautiful kids, health, a place to stay, sounds like a cozy bungalow, and the kids are taken care of.
There are plenty of free things to do, does Chuck E Cheese still have the tunnels and play area for free? I know some of the malls have indoor play areas. There is always the beach and parks. Going for walks or a family bike ride is great fun too. As for sports, many programs offer scholorships. Don't be afraid to ask. Also, if someone offers you help, please accept it. (We have had a hard time with that one!)
If you have the potential to make money, maybe you could work around your husbands part time schedule. That way one of you is always home with the kids and working could take your mind off the problems for a while.
Also, if you haven't already done so, talk to your dr about an antidepressent. I am not a big advocate of medication, but it has it's place. And it could really help.
Lastly, the thing that has helped me the most is God. I try to give my worries to him on a daily basis. There are a lot of bible scriptures about going through hard times and God will see you through. You may be amazed at what a little prayer will do. (We MIGHT be recieving a free car next week...)
This is a really hard time for a lot of us, and sadly we have a lot of company. But this can't last forever, things will turn around, things will get better again...
Please feel free to e-mail me privatly if you want to. I also was a stay at home mom (and loved it) and we lost everything too, including my part time job...I feel like I can really relate to what you're going through. : (

You are not alone. I read the replies to your post with interest, because I have been feeling great anxiety about money for the past couple of weeks. I am a SAHM, and my husband's job has rapidly become very unstable. We are officially "upside down" on our mortgage, which means our house is worth (considerably) less than what we bought it for. But even if we had the money to pay back the bank, I don't think we could sell this place. There are about 18 identical condos for sale in our neighborhood. Anyway, my kids are 5 and 1. I am so thankful that they are really too young to know what is going on. Frankly, I don't think they really miss some of their former activities. Sometimes it is more our desire as parents to sign them up for ballet and piano et. al. because that's what we think they should be doing. But really, they'll be happy to run around outside. And I am thankful that they are healthy. I am doing my best to take care of myself, and you need to do that too. The nights are looong when you can't sleep, but each day brings new possibilities. We are so lucky in Florida to have so much sunshine. What a blessing! I play upbeat music in the house and dance around with the kids. It really makes you smile. I try to put my nervous energy to work cleaning the house. If you can do this, it'll make your sister-in-law happy, and your stay with her more pleasant. Yesterday, our new president said in his inaugural speech "Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin the work of remaking America." I felt like he was speaking directly to me. Regardless of your politics, America starts at home, and nurturing your children to dream big and work hard is so important. Bad things do happen to good people. But what you do about that is what's important. Other respondants have mentioned the big picture (God), so I'll suggest some smaller stuff to help get through each day: wear a bright color, smile at other people (it can make you feel happier), play music and dance, and spend time with your husband. Be glad you are in partnership together! (And sex is free - but use birth control!!!) Best of luck to you!

Wow. There is WAY too much of that happening in Florida theses days. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Not that it helps, but on some level, I think most of us Floridians are struggling to make ends meet right now. Hang in there and remember that things will improve. In the meantime, since you have access to a computer, it's a great place to look for work anywhere in the country. Just Google "employment" and you'd be surprised at what you'll find. There IS work out there. It's just harder to find right now and it's probably not in your "backyard".

As far as being able to continue to provide your kids with ballet and sports programs, I'm a board member with some of the SW FL arts organizations and I can tell you that a number of them offer scholarship funds to kids in need. The Gulfshore Ballet, Lee County Alliance for the Arts and Dance Bochette are just a few arts organizations you might want to contact for assistance. I would think that children's sports programs would offer the same thing. You may even be able to borrow or receive "hand me down" uniforms and shoes for the sports programs from other parents. (I know Gulfshore Ballet has implemented a dance shoe trade off program for the little girls who outgrow their shoes before they're worn out.)

Things WILL be ok. They have to be, because you have three beautiful little people depending on you. Your love for your children will pull you through and give you strength you never thought you had. Good luck.

Hi-
This is easy for me to say, I'm not going through what you are. You sound so bummed out though, I had to write... You just need to hang in there. You've got 3 kids to take care of. Maybe you need to get mad about the events happening and decide to be a survivor, not a victim. Mad enough that you're going to say "I'm NOT going to live this way" and do something about it. You can't sit there and be depressed. It's not helping. There's gotta be something you can do to also help bring up your income. Can you wait tables in the evenings, or clean houses? Sell stuff on Ebay? What if your husband works 2 or 3 part time jobs? I know it'll be tough, but now is the time, while living w/ sister in law, to stock pile some money. Your older 2 kids (although I know are still young and you'd probably hate to do it) are old enough for Pre-K. Or VPK. Coordinated Childcare may be able to help with the cost, if any, VPK is free. Have you asked your Moms club group to barter child care for the younger one while you work? (Maybe they need a housekeeper?) Don't under estimate those bonds you made w/ your Moms club. Those women can be a huge support in more ways than just help w/ childcare. Someone may even be glad to come pick you and your kids up to attend a gathering. They may even take turns every week. Just ask. Your situation could happen to any of us. Chances are your Mom friends will rally to help you. Alot of us face difficult times every now and then, but the world doesn't stop for our grief. You have to keep moving forward. You'll be stronger because of it. So be strong now, and get busy. You can do it!
Also, I've found Dave Ramsey very helpful.(www.DaveRamsey.com) He was recommended to me by a Mom on this site. I'm changing my life/ lifestyle on his advice and it's been great! Listen to his radio program 2-4 820am and you'll hear people who have had it much worse than you, and they've succeeded. It can give you hope and ideas on what else you can do to pull up your income.
Good Luck, you'll be ok, just hang in there. Times change and things get better.

J.

I understand how you are feeling. My divorce will be final tomorrow and when I left my husband it was on a violent note and ending up going to a domestic violence shelter for 6 weeks. I then moved in with a roommate situation who in turned moved her "girlfriend" in and that turned violent real quick. I was able to get a 1 bedroom apt with my two girls (now 3 and 16 mo) share while I sleep on a couch in my living room. I have met an amazing man and ended up pregnant (now 10 weeks). This has all occured in 6 months time. I cannot say I've had it all, but what I can say is that I've been through alot as well in a VERY short amount of time. My soon to be ex-husband left the state for LA 3 months ago, so I have a angry 3 yr old on my hands.
6 months later, today, I stand with my head held high and pray every night that things will work out. And they have. 2 weeks ago my car transmission went out and I wasn't sure how I was going to get to work, but I've made it ( I work in Bartow and live in Lakeland). Life gets tough and through all the tough times there are lessons to be learned. Bond with your family. Take this time to teach your kids that life is tough but there is a light at the end of every tunnel. Because your kids will have tough times too. My girls are starting to settle down and there are days I've gone out to my car and cried my eyes out because things seem to tough. My girls have seen me break and they've given me hugs. We are only human. You can stay as tough as you can. It's okay to falter. Don't be so hard and understand that you and your husband and your family have to pull together and YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. You are welcome to email me anytime for some support. I've been through a lot more than this and I'm only 27. It does get better. I'll hold you and your family in my prayers.

A.