So Lost

Every mom has that feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do at first....it WILL be overwhelming when you bring baby home.....but you quickly get into a routine and that motherly instinct comes out! And every mother feels that they aren't spending enough time with their child....I have 2 of my own and work full time....always feel guilty.....but just take it easy and spend as much time as you can with the baby...and remember everything you are doing, working, going to school etc. is all for the baby and to better your lives! God Bless

Hi A.. I understand the overwhelming feelings that you have. I got pregnant at 22 years old and wasn't married. I was extremely scared and very depressed because it wasn't something that I was ready for AND I wasn't even sure I wanted children. Even though I had an extremely supportive family, I couldn't help but worry about how I was going to be able to cope. I went back and forth about adoption and keeping the baby. In the end I kept my son - but I did not bond with him right away. I did not get help for my extreme depression and was not able to be the best mom I could be. Finally after months of suffering I went to talk to someone. It was like a light switch went on for me - I was depressed and that was keeping me from being the best mom I could be. I got the help I needed and now I can't imagine a day without my son - the rewards outweigh the stress of child rearing. Children are such a joy to have in your life.

My point is to be honest with yourself. If you feel that you may be depressed, please talk to your doctor. They can help you sort out your feelings. I hope that my story wasn't too overwhelming for you - but I can promise you that if you are honest with yourself then you will make the right decision. Please send me a message if you feel you need someone to talk to!

A.,
I commend you for planning to make a great life for you and your baby. Congratulations to you!
You are right, many before you have been in your situation and many, many have had success!
O. thing to keep in mind is that you are not expected by anyone (and you shouldn't pressure yourself) to be "perfect."
All you can do is all you can do. Do your best and you will be fine.
You will learn motherhood gradually. I think it's a myth that after delivering a baby you get some sort of cosmic implant of instinct, intuition and motherly wisdom! Trust yourself, you're obviously a bright girl. You and your baby will grow together into the life you plan! All the best to you.

A., you can do this. It will be an adjustment, but you'll find a way to manage everything on your plate. God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

I'm speaking somewhat from experience. My situation isn't exactly the same, but I was a single mom for 3 years. I had 2 small children, a full-time job, and zero help (financially or otherwise) from my ex-husband.

You seem like a pretty independent person, but I encourage you to ask for help when you need it. Will someone be staying with you after the baby is born? You'll be tired and overwhelmed, and it will really help to have someone around.

Even beyond the initial adjustment, you're going to need a good support system. I've never been good at asking for help, but I remember calling my mom one time, and bursting into tears when I heard her voice. I told her I was just having one of those days, and she was at my door within 15 minutes. Do you have someone like that?

It will also help to be conscious of the blessings in your life. You have the means to attend school; you're employed when so many people are not; you're presumably healthy; and you've been blessed with a child. I know I'm stating the obvious, but it's so easy to get overwhelmed and lose perspective.

I truly wish you all the best.

Oh sweetheart, you already have too much on your plate with school and work. Add a brand new baby on top of that and you may emplode. You will be lucky to be there "just enough". Think about how much time you spend at home right now and that is what you will have with your little one. Something is going to have to give and hopefully it won't be the baby. I am glad your family is supportive but you can't completely rely on them for constant care. My thoughts will be with you these coming months because you are going to be exhausted. Try to be strong and make descions that are in the best interesst for the baby. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

I've been there. It can be done! Just remember, once you're done with school you will have more time. Truly it's hard and emotional but it's the best time to be this busy. As the baby grows up they become more active--get into early childhood and you will be all over the place with sports and such.
I was/am a single mom, went back to school two weeks after having my child (when I was allowed to drive again), back to work at 3 months at two different part time jobs totally 40 or more hours a week, and it worked.
I would come home at night and cuddle while doing homework. I always looked at my son and said "This will all be over soon and we will have a great life together!" Finishing college gives you so many more opportunities and more money. That is what is best for you and you're little one. Just keep that in mind!

Everyone has given you great advice that I agree with, but I wanted to add in case it was crossing your mind and you were afraid to bring it up, that adoption is always a choice.

My husband and I are trying to adopt so I've done tons of research about it. Actually, I did a blog post about what adoption choices there are for birthfamilies: http://nealandcarriesadoption.blogspot.com/2010/01/adopti...

Please, please, please don't take this as me suggesting you let us adopt your baby. I fully believe that when the right situation comes up for us everything will work out, but in the meantime if I can help others with the knowledge that I've gotten, I definitely want to! Especially if it can help you feel more at ease with whatever choice you make.

If you do decide to parent your baby, I would definitely take at least a little time off from school at first. Not only is there a huge adjustment period for you (and your baby!), but you will be physically and mentally exhausted and sore. Not to mention mommy brain totally exists... I felt like a complete idiot for at least a few weeks after my son was born. Definitely not a good time to be trying to ace tests and do homework!

I heard this great quote somewhere once that really stuck with me: While you are adjusting to life with your new baby, keep in mind that your baby is adjusting to life!

There is always time for mothering. Your life Will be busy and you may very well need to adjust accordingly. With the support of your family, you'll be amazed to see more than enough love going around. Take one day at a time and savor the precious moments you'll have with your baby as you watch him/her grow before your very eyes. God intended this little one to be in your life so enjoy the blessing. After you become a Mommy, you'll get a better idea of what it's all about.

You are putting a lot on your plate. Having a new baby is all consuming, but with so many rewards. Everyone has a different level of tolerance for what they can handle - and you will find yours and what works for you. It will be more work mentally, physically and emotionally than you can imagine. You will likely need to change your schedule/priorities, but it's so worth it. Be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time. Enjoy!

That depends a lot on you and your baby. I think the only right answer is to take each day as it comes and adapt if you need to. If it's clear your baby needs more time from you, you can drop some classes and do what you need to do for the infant. For right now, stick with your plan with school and just see how things go. Schools are usually fairly forgiving when you have something to point to like a new baby to explain your need to change things.

Relax
You will be fine
Once you bond with your child you will find things fall in order
You may not bond immediatly and don't feel bad about that hormones are in control.
We all take on more than we can handle, but some how manage to get it done.
You sound very motivated so I am sure you will do GREAT
Best wishes

How long of time are you giving yourself before going back to school? I'd suggest to take as many classes as you can online. I'm also a single mom and that is what I''m doing currently.
I wouldn't trade the world for the time I've had with my son. I've had the best of both worlds with being able to stay in school but still spend quality time with my son.
I was thinking when I brought my son home that I'd be able to do all sorts of stuff while he slept and what not. No. He demanded my entire attention. Not only that, but I was so exhausted with the lack of sleep from having to hold him while he slept. It truly depends on your baby. If you have an easy baby, then by all means take advantage of being able to further you education. But I know when I just tried to make dinner or even just eat, I was greeted by a baby that needed me all the time.

A., already plenty of great responses here. Just one more aspect: things will be hard at first, but will get easier, and harder again, and easier again.
It will be hard for the first week or two with sleeping readjustments and breastfeeding. Then if your baby is colicky it may get VERY HARD till 3-6 months...If your baby gets colicky, one thing will have to go: school or work (your brain will also be temporarily missing by the way)...
but then things will gradually start to become more and more manageable. You may even be blessed by a very calm and cooperative baby. Until they start crawling they are very easy to take care of actually, portable, feeding is easy, toileting is too. Then between 1-2.5yrs they will need a lot of attention from you while they are learning their physical limits and how to communicate. By age 3 you will probably feel like you are back to your normal self...This may be the latest when you could go back to school, you may even find it possible much earlier than that. These timeframes may seem like very long now, but think about what's three years in the context of your long life:) Try to put things into perspective and plan accordingly, but then be prepared for all plans to change all the time:)
The bad: yes, for next three years you will probably be busy and exhausted. The good: you will learn to be very very efficient and brave, and will actually get things done faster. Having school or part time work can make a good balance for having a baby, not every woman is cut to handle 24/7 babytime. But both school and work may be too much at least till she/he is 1y/o...

A. - I feel for you. If I were you I would put schooling on hold for awhile. It will be a lot. I have 3 kids and am a SAHM. At first I did what you are doing. My kids did not get the attention they deserve. A lot of first time moms make the mistake of over doing it. You will only have this precious time once. Praying for you!

Hi there,

Sounds like you have a lot going on! If you can, take some time off from school or work to be with your baby. At least at the beginning. You'll want that time to bond with your little baby.

I was so stressed about being a mommy, and it took a while for me to really feel like I knew what I was doing. I was more stressed than happy as well. The thing that helps the most is just to be with your baby. To really try to feel connected to him/her. Your little miracle will help you find your way (that sounds crazy, but it's true). Just follow your heart and listen to your little bundle of joy.

Another idea is to try to spend some time with new mommies and babies before your baby is born. A great resource is La Leche Leage meetings. It is a really supportive group of women who are going through what you are going through. And you can get a glimpse of what is ahead for you. Look for meetings at www.llli.org

Don't know if this helps, but just remember that so many mommies feel like you do, terrified! But you will find your way.

Hugs,

H.

Babies take a whole lot of work, especially your first because you don't know what you're doing. I'm sure you need to work full time for money reasons, but maybe you could cut back on the full time school, or put it on hold for a little while? School is very important, but the first year of your child's life is also important and very demanding, and unfortunately you can't reschedule. Of course you can do it all, but you may be miserable with not having enough time with the baby.

I am in a similar situation. I am pregnant with my 3rd and my husband wants a divorce. I am due in June and going back to school full time in the fall and also need to work! I am also afraid that I will not be able to do everything! But I know that I am doing the best thing for my kids and so are you. You have to be able to provide for your child and the only way to do that is with an education. I have just come to relize that I am going to be exhausted, alot, and while I may not be able to spend as much time with my kids it will be about the quality of time I spend with time. When you are with your baby make sure he/she gets your undivided attention and take every opportunity you can even if its just a simple diaper change! All you can do is your best! Good luck!