So Confused and Irritated

I think your frustration stems more from the imbalance you feel in your relationship with your husband, the boys just seem to reflect that. When you mention: "I'm always the over-reactive one" and "why do I always have to be the bad guy", these sound like words of a victim. It seems like you've disempowered yourself at some point. If you are having a hard time communicating with your spouse at this point, i suggest seeing a therapist who can be a refery your conversations and issues. If your spouse doesn't want to go - go by yourself. Do whatever you have to do to. I believe that if you don't recalim yourself - you'll spiral to a point where you'll feel very outnumbered and alone in your own family. It already sounds like your frustration and anger is keeping you from seeing the lighness of being a child.

Don't worry H., your not the only one! My little one does some inappropriate things and I feel as though I'm the only responsible one to do anything about it. I would just sit the boys down and tell them that, that's not a nice thing to do/say and go into the respect of others, good touch, bad touch... And OH YES, you should sit down your spouse and let him know how you feel. If he doesn't say sorry, at least he'll know where you're coming from. You both need to be on the same page.
*Best Regards, M.E.

I'm not sure if I'm not reading your post thoroughly enough because I'm having a hard time understanding your frustration 1) with your husband and 2) with your boys laughing at underwear. What is it that you find inappropriate? I guess my initial reaction when I read the post was that it sounds like you feel like the "over-reactive one" and "the bad guy." I'm really sorry you feel that way in your home. Does him pointing out that you can see her underwear strike you as demeaning? I'm asking because I really want to know and I'd like to understand a bit better. I'm so sorry for your frustration!

Jen

I'm sorry. I don't usually say this very often, but yeah, it seems like a bit of an overreaction. However I don't know everything about you and your family so there may be some other reason you felt this way. But this incident alone doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. Do you remember the childish song "I see London, I see France...?" I think that started when I was about 6!

Keep in mind, the more we over react to the things our children say and do the less they will want to share with us as they grow up. I mean if you were a teenager and you had a tough decision to make and you knew your mom would freak out if you mentioned it to her, where are you going to turn? However if you knew your mom would be totally calm if you came home and told her that someone had offered you drugs, she's probably the first person you'd tell.

Hi H.,

After reading your request and the clarification, I totally understand why you responded the way you did. You saw your husband in your sons and it scared the hell out of you. You were probably wondering why a grown a$$ man would even point out a cartoon girl's underwear. Yes, it's odd. But very telling since you mentioned your husbands involvement with 'adult media' and his disrespectful behavior towards women.

You mentioned that you left your marriage, not sure if you've returned. But you have to hold on to what feels right for you and how you want to raise your sons. If you want to raise your sons to become healthy men that respect women, you know what to do and how to do it. Only you know, H..

No, I agree with you 100%. My sons are 8,6 and 11 months. When anything comes on tv like that they automatically close there eyes now. Me and my husband are both on the same page about this. We are teaching our kids early on about respecting peoples bodies. Espeacially since we have a little girl whos almost 4. Be the bad guy and teach your boys now. You'll be happy you have.

It sounds like you might be playing the part of the good guy the wrong way. To make you powerful for good though, which is sounds like you would like to do, there are some great books that coach it.

1. I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better by Gary and Joy Lundberg. This one is SOOOOO good. I recommend starting with this one. It is one of the greatest peacemaking and productive family growth manuals I have ever read.

2. Raising self-reliant children in a self indulgent world by Glenn and Nelsen.

3. How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk-I don't have that book by me right now to check the author's name.

4. Finding the Hero in Your Husband by Julianna Slattery.

5. How to Hug A Porcupine by Dr. John Lewis Lund. He also has another one called Avoiding Emotional Divorce.

6. Teaching Your Children Sensitivity or Teaching Your Children Values by Richard and Linda Eyre. There are actually 4 books in this series. All of them are incredible.