So, as I mentioned before husbands aunt is in town. Not thrilled. But decided that I was going to suck it up and go with my daughter and husband on an outing to the beach they had planned. However, the day comes and it's rainy and kinda blah outside. So the aunt calls and says, "Hey why don't we just come over after church?" Ummm, ok?
So we begin tornado cleaning. LOL. The house wasn't really in that bad of shape, but we had run most of Saturday and nothing got accomplished. So we get ourselves ready and was just getting ready to make a quick trip to the grocery store, when they decide, nah I don't want to come over, why don't you meet us at a mall instead? Really? So, we change plans, AGAIN, and go to breakfast. At the restaurant we realize we are running a bit short on time. Husband says, Guess we have to eat fast. I tell him I'm not to worried. Last time they said, "Let's meet at the mall" they didn't bother to show up, going home while not even bothering to tell us. So I get "the look".
So I drag my three year old to the mall and after two hours of hauling her backpack, chasing her around, her getting increasingly whiney because she wants to go home, we are both done. My husband can't figure out why I tell him we need to go soon or I am going crazy. I calmly explain that while he has been visiting with the family, I am dealing with an overtired, bored and ready to go home toddler. He did step in a little more after that. Everyone can see that she is ready to go, (as is the Aunts son who is 8) but no we stay for an hour longer. Uggggh....
Now they want to do it again! I told my husband no. We can meet them for dinner, but I have no desire to go to the mall again. Especially when they get annoyed because I let my daughter play in the kid area for a while, even when I told them they could go and do whatever while I stayed with my daughter. But noooo, they wanted us all to go together. They are pushing the mall thing, and I am sticking firm. Am I wrong to say NO MORE?
Diane, Were you following us yesterday? LOL. You described our day perfectly. That's exactly what we did. On top of that she really wanted to ride the train, which I offered to do early on. They said, oh no we are just going to blah blah blah. So later came and then the line was really long, so guess who didn't get to ride the train? Guess who got whined at for a while? Uggh.....
Well, here's what happened. They never called to set up a meeting time, Shocker! But, good news for me. :)
Hubby will understand if just once he has to take LO to the mall without you.
Get a headache at the last minute and stay home while he deals with Aunt, family and child.
I'm with you, hanging out at a mall with out of town family is not my idea of a good time. In fact, I hate malls!! Why not meet at a park for a picnic or something like that where the kids can play and you don't have to be on top of them?
How odd! Who meets at the mall to meet out if town family?
Sorry--that's SO weird to me--so I wouldn't do it again.
Is there do e reason they won't come to your home?
Why in the world would normal people think that 3 or 4 hours in a mall is a good plan for anyone? What's the deal - walking around together? Sitting in the food court? Looking at the fountain? It's not a good venue for a 3 year old as they well know, and you think it would be way more fun for the older people to get together without the distraction of a 3 year old. Period. Either they come over to your house, you meet at a park or a place with activities, or you and your daughter stay home so they others can engage in adult activities. And your husband needs to get on board OR spend 30 minutes chasing his daughter.
If his family wants to meet up with you (who happens to have a young child), they need to make it convenient for you.
Have them come over to your house next time.
That way you have everything you need for your young child: toys, food, bed etc.
Just be firm & tell hubby & his family "No we can't do the mall again. How about you come over to our house?" Then wait for a response.
Even if you have to clean, it's better than being stuck at the mall, chasing after a toddler at the mall, having a tired toddler etc.
Moms aren't martyrs nor should they have to be. We gave birth, primarily take care of our kids etc so we should be able to set some reasonable limits.
You are definitely not wrong. I vote for sending LO with hubby while you stay home and get some well deserved R&R. I'm seeing a candle lit bubble bath or some reading or some uninterrupted TV time.
Oh yes, I see a mini vacation in your future. Please send her with hubby and enjoy your well deserved alone time.
Have you reminded him a 3 year old has the attention span of 3 minutes?
This means they are flitting from one thing to another.
This is exhausting for all of you, so a amount of time has to be decided on before you go..
Also there are some days, children just are not in the mood to be out and about. Sure we have plans and so we go, but this means it takes more effort to keep them engaged.. Just like adults. You may be planning to go to the mall all week, but that morning you wake up and think, "Ugh.. I really do not feel like going to the mall. I just want to be home today and lay about. "
Guess what? Children are human and so they can have this exact feeling. They are many times homebodies. They thrive on schedules and planning a trip to the beach, but then having to go to a mall... just not as easy for children to transition..
She is 3. This will not last for ever, but we try to make a situation a positive experience, not set the child up for failure.
I am with Sandy L. on this one. Let him take DD to the Mall. Three year olds can not sit that long for food! Does not sound like fun to me. You did it once and sucked it up.
If they want to meet up again and just do something that involves walking around and looking at things...
I would suggest a park. Its outside and a change of scenery and you could let your daughter get out and run a bit. If they want to they can sit on a bench while your daughter runs and plays.
Otherwise, let him take your daughter and see his aunt. Then he will understand what you are talking about! I bet he wont want to do it a third time. :)
I really don't understand why ANYONE doesn't get the fact that very young children and malls do not go well together for extended periods of time.
J., you've calmly explained your rationale. You've been more than gracious, accommodating, and patient will all of this and the constant changing of plans.
If you have no more shopping that needs to be done at the mall, do not go. If they truly want to visit and socialize with you, your idea of meeting for dinner or your previous invitation to your home make much more sense.
Stand firm, as you've decided to do, and know that you're doing what's best for your daughter.
Best to you and your family.
J. F.
Okay yeah, kinda weird. First I would say gee, you know we did that yesterday and I don't think DD would be entertained doing that 2 days in a row, you know how 3 y/os can be! :) Then I'd invite them to do something of your choice, even if it's just coming over to your house. If the aunt doesn't go for that and insists on the mall, then yeah, I'd probably just send your husband with your daughter.
I guess I was a mean mom. My kids got in their stroller and did not get out again until we were getting in the car. Period. They could have a temper tantrum, throw a huge fit, but it didn't matter. They stayed in the stroller.
I suggest you find a way to get hubby to understand he's responsible for the child too. Let him take little one to the mall to meet up and you go run a couple of errands to a store that kids can't go to. That way HE gets a wake up call.
Just stay home and let your husband take the child. After he's the one who has to run after her and "try" to keep her clam and entertained, he might not think your just being a nag and trying to avoid his family......"unless", you are trying to avoid his family???
I didn't read your other thing about your husband's Aunt, but here's my thought. It's family. She is from out of town. You suck it up and visit.
I know it's a pain, I just had a bunch of family in town a couple of weeks ago for my brother's wedding and I was EXHAUSTED when they left. I have three kids and was running around after them while my husband chatty chatted with everyone....and it's MY family! I coulda killed him.
But, they are all back in their home states and my kids are fine.
Visit.
L.
Hold your ground J.! I agree 100% with you, and I cannot believe the aunt doesn't, other than it might make her child look more behaved. I would just keep telling your husband that the mall isn't age appropriate for your child. Asked him why he wants to do that again to his little girl? Not to guilt your husband, but maybe open his eyes to what really happened.
Stay strong! You are not wrong! I HATE going to malls. We have a nice one here where I work and I don't mind occasionally strolling through, but to spend hours there? No way!
To me you have a couple of choices - get a sitter and go without the LO or just flat out tell them you're not interested in going to the mall and to call you when they're done and maybe you can meet them for dinner or ice cream or something.
I just don't get what their fascination with a shopping mall is! I know teens and tweens like to hang out at malls, but grown adults? Again, I just don't get the fascination.
