Snowman Vandalism- What Would You Do?

You are really this upset that your snowman was destroyed? Clearly it's not very nice of the 5 year old to knock it down, and I'm quite sure his parents told him that. But don't you think you're going a little overboard? Vandalism and trespassing? Give me a break! In a couple of years your son will be Running around in the snow smashing everything, too.
Your post reminds me of the ridiculous toilet papering discussion a while back, but at least that damages property and involves cleanup. A snowman? Come on. You have to pick your battles in life. Get over it! Don't teach your toddler to freak out every time something doesn't go perfectly his way! You sound like you're having a tantrum. Sorry to offend, but really?

I would be upset too. And I don't think you're over-reacting either. (By the way, anyone who posts on this message board is not looking to get slammed by other moms' responses. Sorry you received some harsh words from another mom.)

What would probably be most upsetting to me would be the realization people in your neighborhood don't care about your property. Any parent who lets a kid walk into someone else's yard and destroy a snowman is an idiot. And your neighbor who witnessed the kid destroy your snowman didn't stick up for you. That's annoying too.

If I saw that happen (to my own house or my neighbor's house), I'd like to think I would have said something directly to the kid. If the parents had any shame, they would have made the kid apologize. More likely though, they probably would have defended their kid and verbally attacked me. So I guess it's probably a losing battle. Sorry to hear this happened to you. Bah humbug, right?

I'd be sure to build our snowmen in the backyard from now on. I'm sorry this happened to you, but in the grand scheme of things, there are worse things that could have happened.

If it happened in front of me, I would definitely have stepped up and spoke up to the kid and his parents, but since you missed it, there's not much you can do.

T.

The responses on this topic really display the wide range of parenting approaches. I, too, would be disappointed to have anything on my property (including pumpkins or a snowman) destroyed or vandalized. And hearing that the child’s own parents observed the event is just disheartening. Some responders, like Carolyn, seem to be okay with this.

Even as toddlers, I expect nothing less of my children than to respect other people – and that includes other people’s property. Just because there is no financial damage does not mean that the act wasn’t ugly or mean-spirited. And I do not wish to raise mean-spirited children. That’s my choice. Unfortunately, other parents may not feel this is a priority.

I agree with many of the other posters -- your reaction to the event in front of your children will be the key. I recommend not sharing your personal thoughts about how wrong the world can be, and instead be matter-of-fact about it so that your children can learn about the world in a healthy way. “Wow. That wasn’t very nice, was it? I wonder why someone would do such a thing?” And, yep…I guess you’ll have to build your future creations in the backyard to avoid the nasty actions of others. But even that will be a nice problem-solving lesson that your children will learn.

Without a doubt, I would privately contact the parents of the child, let them know another neighbor (don't name names) saw the event and ask if something is going on. They will probably be defensive...but give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't confront or get angry -- just let them know that you know it happened and you were quite surprised by it.

I have to agree with Carolyn for this one. I don't think her words were too harsh like others said. Things in life aren't always puppies and rainbows.

How do you know the parents did not have anything to say about this with their child? I would guess that the parents did say something but I don't think it's the type of offense that would require going to your door for an apology.

You teach your child with everything you do and how you react to it in front of them how you should behave and handle yourself. If you wish to talk to parents of the child that did this, you should find out from your neighbor who it was and go and talk to the parents without the children present. I however would simply use it as a learning lesson for your child and teach them that sometimes people will ruin your "stuff" but in the end it's how you behave and can look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day that makes you the best person you can possibly be. Also I'd talk to the neighbor that said nothing and did nothing. Ask for that neighbor at the very least to give you a call right away if they didn't want to yell themselves, neighbors should help neighbors. My kids know that if they are in the yard and our neighbors see them do something either that neighbor will stop them or I will know about it before they get a chance to come in the door. So they behave. Good luck and hopefull the old snow will melt and we will get a good packing fresh coat and you can enjoy building another memory with your child.

Like you, I would be just as upset. Use it as a learning experience for your son as what not to do and explain to him that there are some kids in this world who don't respect other people's property. RESPECT is a huge word in our house and one that we try to teach our daughter on a daily basis. The kid did not respect your property - and yes, it IS your property. And with his parents standing right there! That pisses me off just thinking about it. BTW, I do NOT think you are overreacting. I would feel the exact same way.

Every neighborhood is different, and it's wise to know what's likely to stay up, being worth your effort, and what is not. A friend of mine not far away, put lights up outside to decorate their home, and when they got back from an evening out, all the lights were cut, at just about the height of a teenager. Now lights are only on the inside. When PARENTS allow a child to knock down a snowman that's in someone else's yard that the child didn't make, they are TEACHING lack of respect for someone else's property. It is NOT funny; NOT cute; NOT teaching thoughtfulness, or kindness, self-control, proper evaluation, and creating problems for themselves down the line. If I looked out and saw it, I would come out and speak to the child, eye-level in the presence of the delinquent parents. I would ask quietly and firmly, "Is this your snowman? Did YOU make it?" NO. "The rule is this: if YOU make it, YOU may knock it down. If you did NOT make it, you may not knock it down. What you did makes me very sad. You made a poor choice. Did you make a snowman at your house? If you did, would you like me to come knock it down?" That's also enough to rebuke the parents. The point is not to have them LIKE it, but to speak what they need to hear. If the parents haven't left, I would introduce myself and offer them friendship, since they sure need some help if they're open. I don't offer advice off my property unless asked, but I have a right to speak to a child's heart if he/she is on my property.

I would be pissed also. If I saw this happening I would most likely open the front door and yell out to them asking what the hell they were doing. Obviously there are going to be kids/teenagers that do stuff like this on purpose because they think it's funny. There is nothing you will be able to do now or in the future to prevent this stuff. But as your child gets older you can for sure use it as a teaching lesson of what NOT to do. And I understand your point of 'what kind of parents would allow their kid to do that'. There is no telling that those parents reprimanded the child. Then people wonder why there are so many bratty kids out there that don't listen to authority figures!

What would I do? Nothing. I'd build the snowman in the backyard from now on.

I suppose you could mount outside security cameras, but really, I wouldn't be so upset over a snowman.

It's not clear from what you wrote if you can identify the child or know the parents, but if yes, I would call or stop by and let them know that your child is upset and can they please talk to their child about it. It's a mean-spirited thing to do.

I was shocked to see how many jack-o-lanterns were broken on the street this year (not my street, but as I was driving around that week). I don't know if it's the economy, but petty crimes and robbery and vandalism seem to be up. Depressing.

M.-

I too would be upset if I were you! But I think that it would stop there. I would take this as a learning exp. for your child on what NOT to do to someone else. :)

P.S. I think that Carolyn's response was a bit harsh!

Enjoy the winter!

a little over board.
i would be sad that something my kid worked hard on was destroyed by some bully kid.
i'm sure it will eventually happen to your pumpkins too LOL.
I think there's irresponsible parents everywhere and there's gonna be undesiplined kids everywhere as well.
i'm sorry that happened.'
i'd just tell my son i was sorry and they are mean kids, but sometimes its fun to smash snow and maybe try and have fun smashing the rest
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