Snotty Behavior

Do we have the same child?? My daughter is 5 and in the past weeks has become really snotty. Everything is ME ME ME. I would love to know what others are doing. We have just been doing time outs, but it doesn't seem to be working.

I have a daughter who will be 6 in November, and she is very bossy, selfish, and controlling over her siblings and sometimes to adults. My other children are 3 1/2 (triplets). Since they were born, her behavior has been way different than when it was just her. I know that this is due to not as much attention as she received before. Children will get attention however they can get it, whether it be good or bad attention. Your daughter may be feeling the new baby and the two year old have stollen her thunder, or at least the amount of attention she use to get from you. Try to make some special time for you and her alone. When your two year old and baby are napping in the afternoon, make that time for you and her to do something together that she knows she won't have to "share" you with her siblings. With her having that special time, her whining should subside and she won't feel she has to whine to get your attention like her younger siblings do. As for my daughter, i do daycare in my home, and my time is spread thin with my own children and then the daycare children. I try to take her to the store with me, or help me with "big girl" things around the house. We are able to do things together, and this does help with her behavior issues. Good luck- wish me some too.

~T.

I have a step-daughter who did that and when ever she came over to my house and started up with the snotty behavior, I would make her go to her room until she thought she could treat others with a little more respect. That worked for me. The problem with my case is that I don't think she or her brother ever got punished for their actions by dad or mom growing up. They would whine or cry to get their way because they knew if they kept it up long enoug that mom or dad would give in just so they wouldn't have to listen to it. When I came along they gave me much more respect because they know they won't get away with anything with me and their dad is soooo much better now with dealing with their behaviors. :) I have a friend who had to give up her daycare business because she was having some serious problems with her daughters behavior.

I have had that problem with my step children and then again with my 7 year old. The main thing to remember is that it is them learning the concept of respect. First you need to make sure you are talking to them in a respectful manner in order to give them a reference to follow and not to feel like they need to be defensive because they aren't getting respect. Second you need to act like you deserve to receive the same respect. When you ask that they do something like pick up a toy - make sure you say please and if they start returning an attitude give them one warning and the punishment that will be giving if the attitude isn't stopped. With us that usually means turning off the T.V. and taking a time out. Then in the beginning I used the 1,2,3 method and then followed through with the consequence. Now I rarely have a problem but if I do I walk straight to the T.V or whatever distraction and turn it off - I usually don't need to remind her of the possible punishment and she immediately changes attitude or whatever is necessary. The main thing to remember is that you deserve the respect of the action you asked for to be done without the attitude so any whining is ignored and any questions are not answered or only answered with a calm "I think we can discuss that when you calm down." At that stage they are just trying to get you to return the attitude to justify their use of it. I will say that it takes time with some kids but it works and is worth it. Discussing the correct way to treat people during calm times is very important and sometimes gives you clues to an outside influence that may be causing it.(other kids or something bothering them) Good luck!

My daughter did this also, I continued to feed into, then my Fiance let me know what I was doing. Since it has been brought to my attention, I stop it before it startes. When told it was time to do something she would whine about it, now instead I say things like "It is time to clean your room, if you whine about doing it NO (whatever she really likes to do that day). That has stopped that, as far as the argueing I did pretty much the same thing, as bad as it sounds you need to sometimes say "I am the Mom and you are the child, I know better! I literaly turn to her and say "I am not going to argue with you, or stop argueing with me. And when she says "I am not argueing with you, bring to her attention that that is argueing. If you continue to stop it before you get too much into it, she will learn new ways of comunicating. My daughter is 10 and I had been doing this most of her life, it has taken about 1 year but it has come full circle, and she is a real joy to be around now! Stay strong and be consistant, taking away something that she likes for punishment has been the greatest thing, she has learned to make better choices because of it. I also, haven't hesitated to not let her go to something special because of her behavior, I know that it is REALLY hard to do to them, but one time and believe me it changes everything! Good luck! Oh one other thing, I video taped her whining once too, when she actually saw how she looked and acted, she wised up a bit too. Hope that helped!
T.

The "my ears only hear nice voices" tactic has worked for me. Also training my kids to say "yes, mom" instead of "why?" Chances are you are getting worn out from all the arguing and whining, which (from my own experience) can easily lead to giving in to poor behavior. Hang in there and be firm. I love watching "Super Nanny" how she uses the Naughty Spot for discipline, it seems to work wonders, but always kids have a hard time adjusting to the idea that mom is the one in charge now, not me.

The self-centeredness could be a result of her feeling like she isn't getting her love language met. Especially with a new baby kids tend to act out even if they don't know why. I would reward good behavior with more quality time, words of encouragement, etc. Can you have dad take care of the younger two while you take her to pick out the movie rental of the week, or help her with her homework? Of course, don't do this if she has acted out, act first to stop the cycle.

Hope this helps!!! (I'm the oldest of 9, so have done all the behaviors your daughter is doing : )

My 4 year old likes to be mouthy and talk back. It gets her a quick trip to the corner or to her bed if it's really bad. You have to show them who the boss is and be consistant with punishments or they'll think you're a pushover and totally take advantage of that.

My six year old daughter is doing the same. And since I have been giving her 15 minute time outs for each and every form of arguing or back talking it has curbed. I give her a friendly reminder in the am and then I act very matter of factly to her negitivity. She is starting to get it. Oh and all the lecturing I did, did not work.

My daughter is 4 and she is starting to do the same. I've learned that kids really act the way they see others acting. Does she have any friends that act this way or anybody else she would see behaving like this? With my daughter I know she's just like me and I can be quite saasy at times and I have really had to curb this...because my daughter picks up on things immediately. I hope things get better...just stick to your guns and don't make idle threats. :)

A.,

I can very much relate to what you are experiencing with your daughter. My fiance's daughter displays similar behavior and is also six. It is difficult sometimes to stay calm with her! She is contrary to just about anything that we say, although in our case it may be that she is trying to compete for her father's attention.

I guess my tactic has been to try to ignore the contrary attitude and get her interested in other things. And I battle a lot of the snotty stuff with humor. Getting her laughing seems to distract her a lot of the time. I try to save putting my foot down for things that are really important.

My emotional response is to want to argue back to her, but I I know is really the least effective thing to do. I mean, I'm not six after all. It's also hard when she is behaving this way with other children and adults and we are sort of embarrassed about the way she is acting. She behaves this way, asking for things a million times, most in front of her Dad in an effort to compete with me I think. Perhaps your daughter is having to compete for your attention given you have two other children? Attention is a powerful motivator.

I would do your best to be firm, but loving. I think you have a lot going on with three children so if you need a break from her and it is possible, take a few minutes away for yourself. It might refresh you for going back to her and having the energy to deal with her without taking what she is doing personally.

I know this will sound cliched, but my own daughter who is 11, has grown out of a lot of that. Now she whines, but for different reasons :) Middle school!

Take care and good luck!
S.

I am a 24 year old mother with an almost 8yr old daughter. I think that girls all have a little bit of spice in them but you really have to nip it in the butt or it will spiral out of control. My daughter has a "tough" mom but is always complemented on how well behaved she is. I have friends who will ask me to help them with their kids because they are misbehaving and are becoming a hand-full. Now, don't get me wrong I am not saying that your daughter falls into this but I find that if you stay firm and explain to her that there is a right and wrong way to speak her opinion that will clarify a lot for her. And the key is to never, under no circumstance let it slide. I hope that is not too harsh but trust me it will work and a lot quicker than sending her to a time out chair! Good luck

my kids talk back once in while and i use my bottom step as a time out spot. and if im at the park or somewhere i cant do that i put them in the truck. for 5 mins till they learn that they cant talk back. you have to remind her talking back is a no no. keep on your toes and keep trying. i have learned the time outs have worked as long as there not longer then 5 mins at a time without going over there and talking to him bout it. good luck

The love and logic series offers great advice for problem areas like this. They offer this website http://www.loveandlogic.com/
and sell cassette tapes and have books in the library. I've found it really helpful. Good luck at helping your 6-year old let her true heart of gold shine through!

sounds like my 5 year old son:) i find that when i take him out for a mommy/son day he acts better. he just needs some of his own attention sometimes. keep your head up!:) i'm sure she'll snap out of it soon:)