Sneaky Sneaky!!

Hi R.,

Don't become the nagging money controller or he won't feel safe opening up to you. Instead (if it were me).....

"Hey, how can I help you resolve this before our vacation?"

"What can we do so that we both feel good we're taking care of this?"

"Do we need to send it some money, becasue if we do, I just need to budget for this."

"We're a team, let's get this off our plate and come to agreement what the next steps should be."

And let the problem solving begin (as a team)

S.

okay - take a deep breath!!! let it out slowly...

The IRS isn't some big bad entity...I had to deal with them..

The letter should have stated what tax year the money is from and a break down of how they got to that amount...

You can call the IRS and speak to them directly....your best bet is to call right now - they are open on Saturday - and find out exactly what is going on. DO NOT wait...the faster you contact them - the faster you can get this resolved...

I had a former friend/boss lie to the IRS about how much money she had paid me...so we get this letter from the IRS saying you under reported! I am like WHAT?!?! Thank God I had saved my stuff and proved to them what she had really paid me...and it was all taken care of.

You don't need to stress over this RIGHT NOW....you have 30 days in which to contact them...if the letter was certified - then I would stress as this means you have ignored previous attempts from them...NOT GOOD...

So, just tell Rob to call the IRS during his lunch on Monday or even today and find out specifics...tell him that you would like to know from which tax year it is from and how they believe he owes this money...if it's a fact that the money is owed, you can make payment arrangements with them and all will be fine with the world!!!

BREATHE!! BABY!! BREATHE!!!

Check out the due date. Usually they give you something like 30-45 days.

The IRS and the states are going after people with a vengeance. My son, 22 yo, serving in the Navy was hit by NC for $650 for a 2008 discrepancy he missed. THey actually paid him $150 that year now they want it back plus fees, plus interest, plus the original amount they say he owes. It's been a mess for him.

Make sure you have all the paperwork. Did he use someone like H&R Block? I think they stand behind their customers.
I did send my son to his JAG officer. And yes he does owe, but we will be helping him out.

You can also contact IRS and set up a payment plan. THey will work with you on that.

.

Breathe :) :) :)

The IRS can wait. In fact, they usually COUNT on waiting a year (recouping from the next year). You won't need to wait that long, as you can get it straightened out when you get back. IF it's not a mistake and he owes 1k, just set up a payment plan... but you'll first need to make sure that he actually owes, and they're not just typo-ing (happens). It'll probably take a few weeks to straighten out if you don't have an accountant you can go "Here :D!" to.

Which brings me to point B:

I can't pay bills on time. Never have, probably never will. When I was sinlge, I took care of that facet of my personality by having an accountant. 10 years ago it was a straight $50 a month or something like 3% of my paycheck. She (or he, I had a couple over the years) collected my paychecks, paid my bills and deposited the remainder in my account and mailed me a spreadsheet. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Adhd-girl-w-perfect-credit.

What I CAN do is financial planning. Short term, long term, THAT I'm good with. But I can't pay bills to save my life.

My husband CAN pay bills on time, but he can't do financial planning to save his tucus. "HON, why on EARTH would you keep money on a card with 11% interest, when we have a card with 8%? MOVE it!!" didn't need to come out of my mouth because I'd "catch" the "dumb" move and shift it, and "WHY didn't you pay your student loans??? The late fee is more than the amount you owe!" never came out of his, because he pays all the bills.

There are many (ahem MANY) things wrong with my 10year marriage, but money isn't one of them. He pays the bills, I go through our finances ever 3 months and reorder them. ((Now, one of the things wrong with my marriage is the DISDAIN my husband feels toward my total and utter lack at being able to pay bills on time / "I wouldn't be able to make it without him"... but that's why I had an accountant. And why, when we get divorced I'll just hire another one. He's periodically tried to "make" me pay the bills (to 'learn me', or something ;), but I dig in my heels. That is NOT something I'm good at. If you want me to pay the bills, hon, I'm hiring an accountant to do it. Period. I'll call all our creditors when you're laid off, I'll consolidate student loans, I'll talk to insurance companies, call the IRS, wade through our finances -things that FREAK him out- but I will not, not, NOT be responsible for PAYING the bills. I don't care how "easy" it looks to him, it's just not easy for me. Conversely, it's SUPER easy for me to make phone calls, harass our medical insurance, etc., although those things give him ulcers. TEAMWORK.))

((Ahem. With Dawn on this one. MAIL IS TO BE OPENED BY SHE WHO PAYS THE BILLS. Period. No such thing as private mail in a marriage.))

If I may make a suggestion... use the vacation to spend a few hours figuring out WHO is going to be responsible (on a trial basis of 3 or 6 months) for handling your finances. You may set it up like us (he pays the bills, I organize and plan... might mean YOU do a and he does b, or you do b and he does a), or you may take on everything yourself, or you may decide to hire an accountant for part or all of the above. REGARDLESS of which you pick, it's NOT a slight on anyone. :) No nagging necessary. It's like car repairs. If one of you is good at them AND enjoys it, let that person do it. If neither of you are good & enjoy it, you take your car into the shop.

_____________________________________________________________

One last thing to consider: (NOT saying you "should" just how we do it)

We have SEVERAL checking accounts through the same bank.

Checking
_________
- Incoming money/Deposits (all our checks, returns, financial aid, ANY incoming gets deposited into this account). We don't ever use a card on this account. Money gets distributed into other account FROM this account, but never directly spent.

- Mortgage and Bill Pay. From the deposit account, straight off, we pull the mortage and bill money and stick it there.

- His Money

- My Money

- Kiddo's school expenses

Savings
________

OSF (Oh Sh*t Fund). Every paycheck, we drop money into this account. It's to cover the random things that ALWAYS happen. Car repairs, roof leaks, dishwasher breaks, birthday presents when we're strapped, medical expenses... the extra expenses that just NEED to be spent. Oh shoot, just had to pay $100 at the ER out of "my" money. Okay, get home, move $100 from the OSF account into my account with the note ER 7/3 asthma attached to it. Oh shoot, Dishwasher breaks. Well, we don't have the money in the OSF account, we'll be washing dishes by hand until we EITHER AGREE to move more money into it, or it builds up naturally.

My savings

His savings

OUR savings

MY & HIS money is inviolate. We can spend or save our individual money HOWEVER we want to, whenever, with no questions asked. We each "get" the same amount every paycheck and every "windfall". I staked 2k away at one point to buy a macbookpro. Well the durn dishwasher broke. So we washed dishes by hand, because spending 500 out of my 2k was NOT a (resentment filled) option until we had 500 in the OSF account. Ditto, when I had something like $3 in my account and he had 1k and we needed the brakes done on my car, I rode the bus until we'd staked $275 into the OSF account. BUT BUT BUT in either case we COULD have agreed to dip into long term savings (OUR savings) to get a new machine or fix the breaks. We decided we didn't need to. The dish scrubber and the bus were viable options. Now... when we had to pay some medical bills... we decided to pull from EACH mine, his, and ours. Keeping things separate keeps things "equal" and keeps everything above board/ resentment free.

The accounts are all linked. We just sort it all out every 2 weeks. We know $300 for groceries (cash), $100 for him, $100 for me, $50 for kiddo's school account, $1500 for the mortgage and bill pay, and then the remainder sits int he incoming account until the END of the 2 weeks and we move it into the OSF account. Every 3 months, we move half of the OSF into "our" savings. When we get a tax refund, "job" money (whether it's $100 or $1000) we split it in half and we each "get" half of the half, and the other half stacks into the various accounts.

But he pays the bills. I "just" organize everything.

I dont think you should ruin the vacation over it. Make it a task to tackle AFTER the vacation. The IRS waited this long to send him the letter, you can wait a bit to respond too. Figure out what year they are talking about and pull out the necessary paperwork for it when you get back. It's not like youre gonna send em 1000 bucks today anyway, I'm sure a payment plan will be in order once he makes the call and the arrangements. You better help him out on this, I wouldnt leave it to my husband to figure it out on his own since it involves both of you.

I saw this happened with someone else's son. My son was in the Navy and ended up owing about $600.00. In some cases novice tax doers (for lack of a better term) do not know all of what they are supposed to do. I myself didn't know when I got divorced years ago that money in a profit sharing account was penalized and I owed $3,000.00. It was awful. I had already purchased a house. Boy was I dumb. And even lately I found out that I took money (about $300 some years back) from a municipal retirement fund. Now if I ever want to retire (dream on eh?) I have to pay back $750 ish BECAUSE THERE WAS INTEREST ON IT. But I didn't know and was young.I was certainly not thinking about retiring. Be sure YOU call the IRS. Unless you don't do your taxes as a couple. They are actually very nice. Usually.

I'd call him and ask him what this is about, why it happened and how he intends to pay for it. Ask him to call them immediately and deal with it (work out a payment plan, take it from his paycheck, whatever).
This is a BIG thing.
In his defense, he may not have know anything about it, OR he may have ignored the IRS's previous attempts to contact him, which means he did know and kept it from you. Not cool and deceitful.
No O. wants to look at their husband and think "What else don't I know about you that could DIRECTLY affect ME financially?"
Hopefully, you can count on him to handle this on his own. Let him know that is what you expect him to do -- today.
Good luck!
ETA: I don't see what this could have to do with nagging. Except it doesn't have to be tied up in a bow by Weds because that's what you 'deem'....now THAT would be nagging.
Expecting him to handle his business as an adult is not nagging.

Go on your vacation and table this issue for when you get back. You guys need this time to recharge. Don't let $$ get in the way. Pull a Scarlett Ohara on this one - tomorrow is another day.

It could be an error on the part of the IRS. I got a letter from Kansas saying I owed, like, 1200 from 2009, and then it turned out they actually owed me 125, which I never would have known if they hadn't sent me a bill!

Maybe he didn't want to worry you if it was their fault?

First off, I wouldn't call him "sneaky." He left it right out in the open for you to read once he opened it.

Secondly, it could very well be a mistake on the IRS's part or due to some form not making its way into the tax return. If a 1030 or whatever was missing, then that likely has to be updated in their records and it's possible that the $1,000 isn't actually owed.

Thirdly, we've owed before. Last year for the first time ever. It turns out that my husband didn't have quite enough withdrawn especially since some of the guidelines/tables had changed and he didn't account for those changes. It sucked royally.

Lastly, when I do the taxes and go through all of the documentation, it gets done more quickly and we get more back. I'm just more organized about it. I make sure that every single document addressed to both of us goes through my hands. But I also make sure that after I initially do the taxes, I go through them with him as well step by step to make sure that he sees what's going on and we serve as checks and balances for each other.

Now, I will not open his mail and I'd be pissed as hell if he opened mine without asking me first. But if something comes in that's banking related or tax related I call him or stand in front of him and either ask him to open it in front of me or ask him if I can open it right then and there if he's not home. He does the same with me. Otherwise he'd feel comfortable opening my personal, private mail like birthday cards and taking gift money and using it to buy gas for his car.

You should definitely mention it and tell him that he can't keep things like this a secret from you. You are his wife and you will be held liable for his debts so this does affect you! They will end up keeping future tax returns if he doesn't get this squared away. Not to mention, the longer he puts this off, the more expensive it will be. The IRS levies ridiculous penalties and interest!!!! Call yourself - as his spouse they might talk to you. If you don't have the $, get on a payment plan although I've been told by someone in a similar situation that the IRS agent flat out told them to borrow the $ from a credit card if they could b/c it would be cheaper in the long run (b/c the IRS charges such crazy high interest + penalty fees)!

Oh R., this happened to me last week! I thought were doing great with our finances, and I was planning a beach vacation, and then I found a letter from the debt collectors threatening us to pay up or else! My husband owed $1800 in past due taxes that he had not told me about. There goes the savings account I set up at the beginning of the year for a vacation, and there goes our vacation. I think I will regain control of our finances. Good luck with yours!