Snatching

I agree that the jealousy is normal and that your 5 year-old will get through this in time. I also agree there is no sense in adding fuel to the fire by purposely giving him the smaller piece or requiring him to go second ALL THE TIME. BUT it's very important that he NOT feel he is getting what he wants all the time. If he thinks he can have what he wants (be first, get the biggest piece) at home, he will feel that way at school or wherever else he goes. You love him madly (as a mother should!) and try to empathize with him and make things easier; his teachers and the parents of other kids will very likely NOT. Being able to share, being able to give up the biggest or best piece, being able to take turns will make him a better student who has more friends than someone who always demands first/best. My advice is to continue to spend time with him, but also continue requiring him to share, etc. Then absolutely shower him with adoration whenever he gives up something to the 2 year-old. Maybe the extra attention he gets for being "such a kind brother" will help him discover that he feels good when he "gives." It will all take time, but you sound like someone who is working hard to raise good little men. I think they'll both be fine.

I, also, have a 5 and 2 year old, both boys. You absolutely can't treat your children the same. The younger child can't be expected to share as well as the older or do anything as well as a sibling 3 years older than they are. My 5 year old is expected to help clean up after himself, but I don't expect my 2 year old to do much cleaning up after himself yet. My 2 year old just doesn't understand sharing yet, so I help my 5 year old by offering suggestions on ways to handle it when they both want something. There are no rules set in stone, I just try to handle each disagreement on a day to day basis. One day I may require my youngest to share for just a minute with his older brother, but the next day I may just pick him up and distract him with something else. While another time I may ask my older son to take the toy in question to his room and close the door to play with it. Hope something I wrote helps. Good luck!

AA,
First of all, jealousy is normal. Ironically, the better your relationship is with your child, the more they want to spend time with you and the more jealous they get. When children have a crummy relationship with their parents, they tend to have less jealousy and band together against the common enemy. Now don't you feel better?

In addition, your children are at a good age to learn to take turns. I did two things that helped my children when they were about the age of your children. Firsts of all, I taught my children that if he wants to use a toy and another child has it, they could bring the child another toy. If they child becomes interested in the new toy - problem solved (many other moms thought this was unfair though). If the other child was happy with the new toy, I do not see a problem. This distracting technique would be a good one for your older child to learn because it usually works really well on 2 year-olds.

I also started to use a timer set for two minutes for popular toys. People told me that my children were too young to learn to take turns, but it worked. One time, a friend came over who didn't know how to take turns. My youngest son brought the timer to me and took me into the playroom. He couldn't express it, but he clearly understood the usefulness of that timer and could wait his turn without tears.
Jen

Make sure that you continue to talk to your older child about sharing and being kind. I like how another person talked about it from the perspective of school and learning to be kind now will bring more friendships later.
My parents didn't talk to me and it really affected our relationship (my younger brother) for a long time..........and thus affected my other relationships as well since I was pretty spoiled until he got there (4 years younger).

In a word, yes, you are expecting too much from your 5 year old. His world was turned upside down when you had a second child. Now not only is he no longer the center of your universe but is being expected to defer to your youngest child. Most adults would be jealous given a similar situation, let alone a 5 year old child. I went through the same thing when my brother was born when I was 4-1/2. My little world totally changed and it was a huge adjustment. Not to worry, I got over it just as your son will in time. Meantime I know you're going to get some great advice and tips on books to read from this site. Take heart, it is usually about this age when children truly "get" the concept of sharing and taking turns. Once he starts to school he will come out of some of this. As you have mentioned, the two are very different in how they handle things. You don't say it but I sense you are frustrated with your oldest. I may be wrong but if that is the case, trust me, he knows it. You can control the issue with the younger child getting the biggest or getting more...make sure it doesn't happen, no sense in adding fuel to the fire. Sorry I can't name some of the books right off hand. I'm sure others will give you more concrete advice. Best of luck!