Smart Mouth 7 Yr Old

If you like the door idea, you like logical consequences. Letting the consequences of the behavior take place instead of the parent having to come up with consequences. Try reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" - great ideas for preschool through the teen years.

Taking away the shoes left off the shelf is another example of logical consequences.

I have had the same issues with my 4.5 yr old daughter. I now keep a large (and I do mean LARGE) laundry basket on top of my refridgerator. I cleaned up her room and reorganized it so that everything was in its "home" and explained to her that I would start taking her things that were left out and putting them in the basket. She can earn them back with good behavior (especially by having a good bedtime which is a huge struggle.) When I ask her to pick her things up, I only ask once, then walk away for a few minutes...when I come back if her things are still out, they go in the basket. No amount of fit throwing will change my mind. Now I only have to ask her once to clean up AND she has an incentive to go to bed when its time- this solved both of my problems.

I have a 7 year old daughter as well who needs an attitude adjustment from time to time. I use spanking, but usually as a last resort. Other things that have worked -- taking away her DVDs, piggy bank, her favorite pillow, games for a week; talking to her about taking the initiative and how good and proud it makes us feel when we don't have to tell her to do stuff; I also talk to her about being grateful what she has and how other children would love to be in her place. We've even collected a couple of her favorite things to give to the Salvation Army; I have even literally thrown away some of her favorite things to prove a point. I told her if we buy her items, the least she can do is take care of them. As for the bedtime routine, my daughter is in bed no later than 8. We get home, get homeworke done, her "downtime" is dependent upon her attitude. If she's been good, then she gets at least 30 minutes of TV. She eats, gets a bath and then gets in bed. Now I do limit the amount of sugar she has in the evenings and sometimes, depending on the weather and things we have to do, we'll get in some exercise to help tire her out. But usually she's in bed no later than 8 and sound asleep by 8:30.

Ok I will tell you what My In-laws did with my husband when he was acting out and then maybe you can tweak it to your advantage....as this was used about 15-20 years ago when my hubby was your daughters age. Any time my husband would throw his shoes where they werent supposed to be or not pick up his things as he was told to do he would get a good amount of them taken away.....then he would have to PAY to get them back....not neccessarily with money but with chores or doing things around the house or mowing the lawn for his grandmother helping with dinner, things of that nature and he had to do a certain amount of things for each item! Now you may not be able to take ALL of her shoes away but you can take the ones that she likes and replace them with a pair thats not as nice looking or as fashionable......she might be embarrassed into taking care of her shoes, and like i sad make her earn them back, she needs to learn that having nice things is a privallege not a right, and if shes not going to take care of things then she cant have them!

wow! reading both of your questions/statements is quite an eye opener. First of all, Im a 29 yr. old single mother/business owner with all my family living 16hrs away. I have a very strong willed 8yr. old. Basically what im getting at is if I can do it(make my child mind on my own) so can you. It sounds to me that you are letting the child rule the house hold and the sad thing is she knows she can get away with it. People ask me all the time how I control my son and the simple true is i dont give him a choice. Consistancy is the key and unfortunatly you have not been other wise you wouldnt be in this position. Instead of making a rule and keeping to it as far as the shoes go, your catering to her and moving the shoe rack closer, more conventent for her....not you. Whos the parent here?! Have you tried time out when she doesnt put her shoes in the right place? Take tv away. Shes 7yrs old?! if you cant control her behavior now then how you gonna do it at 17yrs? I recently have taken everything out of my sons room for not obeying over a time period of a week and Im making him earn it all back one piece at a time as he earns my trust in him back. Sometimes you have to make drastic measures to get the result that you need. Remember, your in control of her and yourself, the problem is your gonna have to retrain her and yourself as far as dealing with her behavior. As far as bedtime goes, most kids are in bed no later than 9:00 at her age. Part of her attitude may be from lack of sleep. Stop catering to her and making bedtime fun and at her lessure. set up time limits in tub, so many page books, and etc. to keep her on a set schedule for bedtime and let there be a repercussion when she doesnt follow the rules of bedtime. If she tosses and turns at first do freat-she get used to it and i promise you if you stick to it, it will make your life better and hers. She will respect you more and there will be more peace in the home. Your not doing her any favors by letting her rule over you and your husband. This may sound harsh but truth hurts. I see this almost everyday and deal with parents who dont control their children and the damage it can cause a marriage and parent/child relationship in the future. Get a plan and stick to it...good-luck!

So this is the daughter that also does not sleep? Your husband's idea of taking the shoes may work. Just put them up & let her go without shoes...she will get the idea. Make sure all her other shoes are put out of reach too.

My daughter had the same trouble with sleep (and behavior at times) and we relized at about age 16 that she had low blood sugar. Her moods evened out drastically when she had the proper foods at the proper times. She was very moody after eating sweets and needed protein first thing on the morning to even out mood swings. Try watching her sweet intake and have her eat a healthy snack when she gets testy....it may work for you too.

I wish we had know this at age 7!!

I have a 10 year old girl. I have found that if I argue with her it makes it worse. I still catch myself doing it.

Not sure of the advice you have been given so far, so maybe it won't be a repeat. I have three children (ages 9, 10, 11), I have had the same problems. Smart mouth, know it all, don't do anything to clean up after themselves kind of thing. Just to be honest with you, if you're not going to do it then don't threaten it, bc then they know your blowing hot air at them. However, I have thrown things away because they were not picked up, catch 9 was it did not get replaced. Try taking things away from her. Buy a plastic box to store it in and when you find it thrown down collect it to be yours, let her know she has to earn it back, even shoes. Set a guideline and point system for her. Example: you have collected several items that belong to you now that were hers, she has to go 1 week without you collecting then she may pick 1 item back out of the box. If she fails to comply then she loses what you have collected and she does not earn any item back that week. Go even further with it, if she does not smart mouth or back talk make that another way to earn some things back. You have to try different things, every child is different. Good Luck To You All.

7 years old must be the magic year. My son hit the sassy stage at 7 too and my niece did as well. I try very hard not to argue and perpetuate the situation. My son loves playing video games so as soon as he starts in I immediately take away video game privileges and he starts thinking before speaking. I haven't found a cure yet so I hope with disciple consistency he will outgrow it.

Hello S.,

Well I tend to agree with your husband to get rid of the shoes; however throwing them away is wasteful. So, take away all her shoes except for one pair for school. She will have to wear that one pair until she is shows responsibility for that pair then she can get another pair of her shoes back. She should only be allowed to get another pair back when she shows that she can be responsible for what she has.
"To those who have been given much - much is expected"

E.

Wow S., Seems like we have LOTS in common. My name is M. and I just left you another message about bedtime problems :) My dauther Sarah is eight and acts like she is 16! She is very sassy and a VERY VERY VERY bad attitude. She talks back every second she can. The only thing that I have been able to do to keep her in some sort of check is being very firm. She gets an attitude I make her give something up that she really enjoys. I make her choose what she likes the most and that is the first to go. Of course as time goes on she knows what she REALLY wants and mentions something else so if I don't agree with what she says I take away what I really think will make the most impact. You have to be firm and make sure she knows that you are boss...not her. Sarah hates being grounded so when I give her a warning she goes to her room and shakes off her attitude and throws it in a box that is designated for her attitudes :) A little something my mom made me do...go in my room and shake it off. She thought it was pretty silly but eventually she started to go to her room by herself and try to get rid of it before I warn her. Sounds silly but worked for her. The only problem we have now is cleaning her room. I can tell her 5 times before I have to take something away. Once I take one thing she jumps to get it done so she doesn't lose everything. Good luck with your little one and just remember to take a breath and realize that she is a child and they lead by example. I know that a lot of Sarah's mouth comes from me. I have an attitude sometimes and when she makes rude comments or says something I don't think she should say, I think about where she would have gotten it from and usually it is from something I have said or a way that I have acted in front of her. I have learned to check my attitude with her as well so she sees that I am attempting to leave mine in a box in my room just like she does. She has had to tell me before to go to my room to shake it off. She tells me it makes her feel better. She will walk with me and I we will do it together so she sees that we all have problems that need to be checked and fixed.

I have a 6 year old that has about the same mouth so i brain stormed with my sister bc i am also not a spanker. we came up with the idea of vinegar. i have about 4 small spray bottles of it around my house (in the living room, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, and one in my bedroom) i spray 1 spray in his mouth everytime he begans to mouth off to me or uses the "just a minute" phrase. he has really learned quick that when i ask him to do something he needs to stop and do it. He has also quit talking about so much to me and also to his teachers at school. I have also started this with my 3 year old daughter when her mouth gets the best of her. There has been so side effects (loose stools or vomiting) like with soap, and vinegar is all natural so it is not going to harm anything. i hope this helps.

Sometimes less is better. I have 3 sons and one daughter. There have been times when I have taken all of James socks away because he cannot seem to find time to put them in a laundry basket. Because he was not being responsible, I decided to take all responsibility away. Every Morning he would have to come in and ask for a pair of socks. He hated me for about a month but my message got a across. We have had to to this a few times, because he would relapse, but each time it was for a shorter amount of time. He is now stuggling with hanging up a towel and putting his dirty clothes in a basket. I hate to say that he has to go to bed a half an hour early if he does not do this chore. He hates to go to bed early so this is pretty effective.

Boy don't we LOVE this stage in their lives??? When you tell her to do something and she says "Just a minute" I would eliminate the problem that is causing the "Just a minute." Is she watching TV? Turn it off. Is she on the phone? Take it away. Is she sleeping? Get her up. Become the leader. If she can't put her shoes up, then she only needs one pair of shoes. And those shoe will be kept away from her and when she needs them, she has to ask. Does old raggady shoes look good with her nice dress? NO! But until she can RESPECT the RULES, she can wear her one pair of shoes. She knows that dad will not throw away the shoes. She KNOWS that. So, why would she obey something she doesn't have to? Maybe not THROW them away because we all know how expensive shoes can be, but they can be taken away. She doesn't need to know that when she's asleep you pull them out of the trash. I also don't believe in spanking. I don't think you should have to strike your child in order to gain respect. But you do have to always follow through with what you want done. And you have to do it quickly. At 7, her attention span is long enough that if you tell her right now to pick up her shoes, she won't forget. But if you tell her twice, three times, four times...she knows she doesn't HAVE to get up UNTIL you reach number 4. Also, if you tell her to do something and she doesn't and you go to take it away and she magically jumps up to get it done....I think you should still take it away. You shouldn't have to make a move to get her to move. You tell her, she does it. If you have to tell her, then move, then she does it, she's still not getting the picture. And if that means taking everything away from her except her bed, then if she's the same little girl that is having troubles falling asleep, I bet if she has nothing else to do....she'll sleep!!

Good luck!

Hi again, S., sounds like she thinks she's the parent here. Actually you could "throw away" shoes. what you do is you leave her 1 pair....preferably the pair that she likes the least. you take the others and put them in a trash bag while she watches, then you let her watch you put it in the trash can that she knows the trash folks pick up....after she goes to bed you go get it out and put it up where she won't find it. make her wear that pair of shoes only until she consistantly puts them where they belong. i'm talking consistantly for a couple of weeks. you can do this with toys, etc. the main thing is that if you don't follow thru with the consequences that you lay out (like what your husband told her he would do) then she knows that there are not bounderies....you should ALWAYS follow thru with what you say you are going to do....that way, YOU are the parent as it should be, if you don't then she knows she can continue with the behavior without consequence.....one of our boys was forever leaving the light on in his bedroom...we just took the bulb out for about 2 weeks....when he got it back....we didn't have the problem any longer...and we did the same thing you mentioned with removing a door....a bedroom door....end of problem....R.

I hope I'm not sounding harsh when I say this, but it sounds like your daughter knows that you won't do anything about her bad behavior. I'm not a firm believer in spanking, especially not at 7, but I do believe in grounding and it sounds like her hiney needs a serious grounding. Also, concerning the shoes, follow through on the threat. Perhaps not actually throwing the shoes away, but take away all except one pair of tennis shoes. Gather them up and put them in a plastic bag and hide it. Tell her that until she starts and continues to put her shoes away that those are the ones she will wear no matter what. The first time she wants to wear a dress and has to wear tennis shoes with it she will learn that you mean business and she will learn the lesson. Once she starts to put her shoes away gradually begin to give her shoes back. If she reverts take away the shoes you've given back for a day or so. She just has to know that you mean business. BTW, I've not read through the rest of the posts so you might have already had a similar post. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this idea.

There is a wonderful book full of creative ideas
Creative Correction by Whelchel.
I have 5 and my middle (son) had some behavior issues and was diagnosed as a medical condition. A well meaning person at church told me to forget the diagnoses and start disciplining my child. I was hurt, but now 4 years later, after taking her advice, i have a MUCH better behaved son. No, all our problems are not gone, but it is not my job to make life easy on him. I have to train him in how to live on his own and catering to him was not helping him.

just because u "THROW THEM AWAY" they don't have to be in the trash shoes cost too much just like toys but when my son doesn't pick up his room i bring our the garbage bags and whatever he gets before i do he keeps.... i then take that bag and stick it in my closet and when he does something good around the house he then earns something back... i don't give it back for no good reason... children today need to earn more so they will respect more...

You need to discover her "currency" and use it - meaning if she values computer time or tv time or whatever, use those things as privileges that she earns for following the rules. Set the rules and, in the beginning, remind her that if she doesn't follow the family rules, she will not have the privilege for X amount of time. Do not stoop to acting like her. Don't act like her offences bother you (even if they do) just keep the "poker face" and do not allow her to do anything else until she completes the task. If she fails to complete the task tell her that she has "chosen" not to have said privilege. After she realizes that you and your husband will not bend on these issues, she will almost automatically follow the rules most of the time. It is your choice of where to keep the shoe shelf and her responsibility to put her shoes on it. You could try keeping any shoes that she doesn't put up in a box for a week before she gets them back. If she cares about fashion like my 7 year old, that will definitely get her attention. You must give her the clear message that you and your husband are the bosses and a team that will always work together. If you cannot control her at 7, she will walk all over you as a teenager. Praise her when she does the right thing, but do not bend on the rules or consequences. If you do not follow through on the consequences EVERY TIME, she will not feel the need follow the rules. It will become a battle of wills and she will try to break you down. You will feel like a drill seargent for a week or so, then it should get tons easier and usually flow smoothly. I taught school for 10 years before having children. All children need clear boundaries and they will test them. Don't ever be afraid to be the one in charge. Raising children is not a democracy, though they shoud earn more and more privileges as they show the maturity and capability. Good luck!

I think that the advice about taking all but one pair away is really good. Maybe you could give pairs back as a reward...like she puts her one pair on the shelves everyday for a week and then she gets one pair back.

As far as slamming the door. My friends grandmother had a solution for that...If you slam the door you have to stand there and close the door the correct way 50 or 100 times. She would make you start over if you made faces, rolled eyes, etc.

Hope things work out.

First lay down the rules no exceptions no compromise.
1. Mind the boss(bosses are people who have your best interest at heart i.e. Parents sibs teachers)
2. Be nice.
3. Take care of yourself.(i.e. Brush teeth ect.)
4. Take care of your stuff. All of it.
5. Work before play. ( i understand you would like to read but your shoes are still in the floor. If you dont pick them up they will be mine and you will have no shoes to wear. Then stick to it.
Do not answer her when she argues however if she keeps saying in a minute. Go turn off the tv or take the book stand her up and send her to do the chore. If she still refuses take the shoes or what ever and dont return them. "say maybe i was wrong and you arent old enoungh to take care of your stuff so we will have to reevaluate your perks and down size them to the age level you are acting like. I am a granma to a 7 year old and it is working you just have to perservere.

Keep out one pair hide the others until she earns them back. This means even sunday school or specail occassions she wears that peticular pair of shoes.

Hi Sherri,
Hmmmm, sounds like you have quite the little diva on your hands. You mentioned that your DH has threatened to throw her shoes away, but nothing actually ever is done. Well, that may be one of the issues right there, she's smart and has figured out they are empty threats, so she continues to do as she wants. Perhaps what can be done is that instead of losing money by throwing away her shoes, simply pick them up(her favorite pair of course) when they are on the floor, but not when she is around to notice and simply hide them on a high shelf in a closet or somewhere that you know she can't find them. When she asks, tell her, well you didn't pick them up so we threw them away. I 'm sure this will be met with screams, crying, drama, etc. but be strong and hang in there. Tell her that if she will just put her shoes away it won't happen again. I would continue to do this with each pair of shoes until she starts to pick them up. HTH. Good Luck.

you take all her shoes but a couple of pairs and take the rest and put them up where she cant find them. let her earn her shoes back.that is what my grandma would do with my toys when i was younger.it helped me keep my room clean.

Hi S.-

One thing that might work is for you to surprise her one day after school by putting all of her shoes in a garbage bag and hide them. Tell her that she can earn a pair back everytime she is able to put the ONE pair she has on on the shelf. It's just an idea.

You could try giving her a deadline and then hiding the shoes when she's at school or out of the house. Pretend for a day that they are gone and make her go barefoot (or wear only her least favorite shoes or slippers) and she may change her tune. If she can do well with the only pair you leave her, then she can "earn" back a pair every day or so as long as she keeps them neatly. Just an idea.

I have a a daughter that will be 10 in May and understand exactly where you are coming from. The only choice you have with the shoes is to make them disappear. That is not to say that they are put in the trash, but make her think they are soon she will have no shoes to wear. At that point you have to hold strong and make her earn back 1 pair at a time. If she is like my girls it will take her some time to figure out that her shoes are missing. You could give 1 gentle reminder to pick them up. If she does not pick them up, after she goes to bed just go pick up the shoes and hide them. It sucks to have to do this but it may be the only way to get the point across. You might want to also let her know if she leaves them out they become yours. If you really have to make a point talk to her teacher. If she runs out of shoes she may have to go to school without shoes. Just riding to school without shoes may be enough to get the job done. Peer pressure is a great tool to use in your favor. Rember to be more stubborn than she is. Good Luck

Just because you "throw the shoes" away, doesnt mean that they need to go in the trash... my 5 y/o started the "whatever" replies after making friends with a child at her school, and when asked to pick up her room, she would reply "Whatever" I told her "I asked you nicely to pick up your room, if you dont, then I will...and you wont like how I clean a room" She didnt understand what I meant by that untill she saw me with a black trash bag and started to pitch her things into it, all she knows is, the black bags go to the curb and the trash man comes for them... I never threw them away, I just put them in the shed for about 2 weeks... then slowly brought things back in... she didnt like the idea of her things beng "thrown away", so I explained "If I ask you nicely to clean your room, then I would like for you to do so..or would you rather I pick up your room?" She has YET to smart back and her room stays pretty much neat.