Smart and Not-so Smart>>

Kids develop different skills at different rates. Sometimes O. child will be more verbal and O. will be more physically adept (motor skills, etc.). Some kids are "late blooomers".

In any event, although children are never "absolute" situations, O. thing is ABSOLUTELY true: Never compare kids. Never. Ever. You cannot generalize because that will lead to things like labeling, too high or too low expectations, etc.

C.:

Interaction has a lot to do with a child's communication ability.

There are some children who are speech delayed...doesn't mean they aren't smart - they can be as smart as a whip - but can't communicate that knowledge.

You might be rushing to judgment. I don't know. Some kids are not "noise makers" others are chatty cathy's - wonderful thing about this world - no one is the same.

Verbal and smart are two different things. Smart doesn't equal competent. memorizing isn't intelligence, it's memorizing. Make sure you're not treating the child who isn't as verbal like he's stupid. That hurts.

I'm just going to confirm what others have said. In my years teaching preschool, I have seen children who have excelled in different realms at different times. Some children are less verbal but brilliant at block building and all the concepts intrinsic to this play (math through spatial relationships, forethought, planning, trial and error); other children can sight-read certain words but need more support in the social development areas. These are just examples. In conferences we focus on both strengths and weakness, because each child has both, if we are willing to examine the whole child and not just one or two aspects of our interactions with them.

My husband is one example of "you never can tell". He struggled with reading as a kid, yet now holds his masters in English.

How we perceive little ones-- and their intelligence-- matters. Negative perceptions should be kept to ourselves. Positive ones, too, should be thoughtfully regarded. My life experience suggests that we all have areas we are proficient at and areas in which we could stand to improve.

First time I realized that all babies are different at birth was when I was looking at 7 or 8 newborns thought the nursery window when my first son was born..... parents will influence some things but they never will be able to dramatically change or enhance those innate characteristics or a child. The children are not those little blank board we can write on (fortunately and not, depending on the case). For me - it is 95% nature and only 5% or less nurture.
Another thing, remember sibling rivalry, siblings in the family will assort themselves like the leaves of the tree, to get the most sunshine (parental approval, attention) so, if one child already took a spot as the chatty one, the other one sees that spot as taken and will be trying to shine in other areas. Your job is to notice which area that is and support and praise him/her :).

Aw, don't look at it like this. If the parents talk to the child and give him attention and read to him, then it's partly genetics, and partly temperment. Also, there are particular learning disabilities that could play a part.

Some kids are incredibly verbally adept. That doesn't mean they are smarter. It just means they have a different way of expressing it. Some kids are quiet, or take longer to develop. Some kids need a little help.

My firstborn was one of those verbally adept kids. My second needed speech and language, and OT help. They were both brought up in a loving home, taught a great deal of stuff from the beginning, exposed to lots of things and people. We lived overseas, traveled a lot and discuss history and current events and the way things work in this world. My older son is gifted - blows me away how smart he is. My younger son is smart and terrific, but doesn't have his brother's raw intellect. It's just his way. We love him for what he is and don't "wish" that he were as "smart" as his brother. He has different "smarts" than his older brother, and that's important.

That other 3 1/2 year old you are talking about may end up being musical, artistic, or a math whiz. Or he might be an introvert who only says something when he deems it to be important. Everyone in my family talks a lot, so I'm not used to quiet kids, but they do exist!! LOL!

Dawn

Ugh, please tell me you didn't use the word "dull" when referring to a child. Is this a hypothetical question, or a based on someone you know question? You know it's not nice to compare kids, right?

Anyway...I think every person has their own thing that they're good at. One child may be super smart, but lacks in social skills, or common sense, be uncoordinated and have zero creativity. One may be average in school, but may be more creative, musical, sports minded, etc. than the other.

In answer to your question, I have a friend, who happens to be a teacher, with a son like the child you described. However, his social skills, at age 4 are dismal. She has a younger son who's under the age of 2, who is more "average" & he excels in many aspects that the 4 year old does not. She believes that her being a teacher had nothing to with the 4 year old's above average intelligence, that he was born that way. She constantly struggles with how to keep the 4 year old happy, entertained, satisfied.

As a parent, I don't just want a kid that's good at one thing. I want a well rounded child that enjoys & is good at several things. Just because a 3 year old is ahead of the curve doesn't really mean he will utilize those smarts or have an easier time in life. He may want to have a blue collar job, or do something creative. You never know.

Simple answer: Because they are two different children with different sets of parents.

My oldest daughter is very verbal. She always has been. She is also smart but not because she speaks well. She speaks well and has a huge vocabulary because her father and I speak well and have a huge vocabulary. We have always talked to her using real words, not baby talk. She knows her colors, letters, numbers, etc. because we taught her those things. She loves books because we have read to her since birth. If she had different parents who did none of those things, then I imagine she would be dull, as you put it.

Ouch, "dull"?? I hope you don't ever share that sentiment in your attitude toward him/her.

Please be sure to give equal love to them, even if one is less outstanding.

IMO it's 80% nature, 20% nurture. Kids are born with innate abilities, and the parents' 20% contribution can either nurture them to be their best selves or screw them up completely. We have a lot of power with our 20%.

That was my son at age 3 exactly...last year in 1st grade he was reading at a 6th grade level. He's just very verbal and smart. This year he is in the gifted program at school. My good friend did all the same things I did with her son...and at age 3 he barely spoke. He would speak like a little caveman (as she used to say). Guess what - by Kindergarten/1st grade they both spoke pretty much the same. He was/is one of the best readers in his class and has really been excelling in school. You can't judge a 3 year old who is slower to talk....they usually pretty much all catch up to each other as they get older.

Varies. My first daughter spoke in full sentences at 18 months, my younger one barely talks at 2 1/2. Both have excellent comprehension, but my younger one is much more physically coordinated and has been doing elaborate dances and climbing stunts when most toddlers her age (including big sis) were still bobbling. Potty training depends on parent and readiness and is also a physical skill, so varies with kids. My aunt has 10 kids and says all the time they all did everything in their own time and none were the same. My three year old son barely spoke until almost three, and he's downright poetic now and very creative with word usage.

And doing things sooner doesn't necessarily mean smarter. I was reading at a second grade level before kindergarten, and I read as well as the next guy now. The "advanced early" stuff usually levels out over time. Average kids can strive to learn and end up just as knowledgeable as geniuses who don't try hard.

The old nature vs. nurture question. Children are born with innate differences, develop at different rates, are raised in different environments. It's both. Also, a more verbal child is not necessarily more intelligent than a less verbal child. Some kids are just more talkative, others more introspective. Doesn't mean they aren't having the same thoughts or have a different level of intelligence.

How did they both come into the world.....were the mothers' diets the same? Did one eat healthy and the other did not? Did one child have a genetic disorder and the other did not? No two children are alike no matter what the age and you can't tell what they will become 3.5 yrs later. One might regress in physical and the other progress, so don't compare them, work with the "dull" one and teach them what they need to know. He/she will develop in time. Not everyone was born to be Einstein.

I honestly believe it has a lot to do with how you rear them from the very beginning.
My kids were speaking and understanding everything at age 3. My granddaughter is the same way.
Some will argue, but if you talk to your baby and toddler a lot and show them things and explain things to them continually throughout the day, you give them the gift of curiosity and the drive to want to KNOW more.
Letting them sit in a pen without much action during the day but some toys you throw at them, no real conversations with them, feed and put back to bed.... well, they arent going to be very bright. BUT, on the brighter side, they can catch up later.

There are a lot of different answers. Are you asking is it Nature vs Nuture? i believe it's partly genetics, part;y environment, partly different personalities, sometimes health and nutrition have a part. sometimes kids are raised in same house, same parents, etc and are Very, very different. Everyone has different strengths, Some are verbal, some are physically skilled, some are very mechanical, some have leadership qualities, some are very outgoing, others are very shy except around close family, the very verbal one may be less skilled physically or may have a more difficult personality. I have no idea what you are calling dull, is it a child who is just language delayed in which case everything else is normal? Those children usually catch up just fine. my son was language delayed at age 2-3yrs but has a great vocab at age 6. At three there is a very wide range of normal. And some kids who are very advanced at age 3 seem very typical in a few years.

Some extremely intelligent kids don't speak until they're 3 or 4, and always seem to be a little out of step and clueless around other kids, because they're not thinking the same things (or in the same way) that others are. Some kids who are very verbal and outgoing aren't necessarily intelectually gifted, but they've got great "people skills."

Not everyone is, or needs to be, extremely smart. Some of it is simply the brain chemistry they're born with, some is how they're raised, and some is personality based (timid or bold, etc.) We're not all ordered from a factory; we're going to be very different, and that's OK!

Not everybody who IS smart is going to make the best use of those gifts. Working hard counts for as much, or more, than being bright.

Some parents really value independence, and some value being needed by their kids. Kids will pick up on those unspoken feelings and either conform or rebel.

In general, it's best not to compare people, old or young. The fact that we're all different is not a problem, it's the way things are supposed to be.

I have not read the other responses, but isn't this the same argument that has been going on for years? Nature vs. nurture? I mean, all kids are different with different abilities. Some are more verbal or early readers, some are better at math or mechanical things, some have more athletic ability or a ear for music. But there are also kids whose parents talk to them more, who read to them often, who take them places and expose to them to different experiences and stimulate their minds and their senses. And there are kids whose parents just plop them in front of the TV at home all day. Not to mention some kids may have a learning disability that requires special therapy, or might be gifted in some areas but struggle or be delayed in others. Heck, I don't doubt some of it could be related to how the mother took care of herself during her pregnancy - eating healthy vs. not, smoking and/or drinking, etc. All that can play a role in how the baby's brain is developing while in the womb.

One of my friends has 5 year old twin sons...and it's becoming apparent that while one is very smart, the other may be gifted, and is possibly reading at a 5th grade level. And these are twins, born to the same mother, living in the same environment with the same experiences. So who really knows?

My MIL has referred to one of her grandsons (SIL's son) as "slow"...and I don't like that. Labels like that, positive or negative, really don't do any child any favors.

at that age you cant tell anything. My daughter when she was 2 could do math in her head, pretty complicated word problems for a 2 year old...could do the things you speak about, could write about 6 words from memory, and could write all of her numbersand ltetters in upper case, and now she is on track with all of the other kids in her class...actually she excels at math still nd has issues with reading...she J. turned 5 and is in K. Kids change so much, you cant judge them at all at this age.

2 different kids.

Even if they were twins you can have this. Even MORE if the children aren't siblings and have different parents.

Milestones and Personality and Inclinations

Is it Nature? Is it nurture?

The answer is usually "Yes. Both."

And it doesn't have anything to do with how smart either kid is. The wisemouth kid may just be average, and the quiter kid may be profoundly gifted. Now, one kid MAY be smarter than the other... but it's really hard to tell with cognitive abilities because there is SUCH a wide range.

If I described my son in some ways... you'd be asking things like 'do you think he'll ever be able to leave home?'... and if I described him in another way you'd be asking if he's going to be one of those kids graduating college before age 18. Like most kids, he excels in some areas and struggles with others.

There are ALL different kinds of intelligence, and there are all different kinds of performance, and there are all different kinds of expectations.

Just as an example... in my family of origin, we got backhanded if we did backseat driving, or immediately taken home (I will TURN this car around was not an idle threat in my family... it was a GIFT... usually my mum just turned the car around and headed home). In my family, my son can comment all he likes on what's going on in the road. I like the situational awareness, and we play games with it. If we'd both been kids together, riding in someone else's car... guess what? I'd have been sitting silent, or answering after pauses, while he'd be chirping away.

Too many variables to answer your question.