SLOW To WARM UP, What's a Parent to Do?

Perfectly normal behavior for a 2.5 year old. They do have a fear period going from 2.5-3, and those that are on the shyer will need more time.

F. -- he's only 2, don't worry. He's slow to warm up because he's 2, and that's his personality. It's not a "bit much," and there's nothing wrong with your parenting. What to do: nothing. Carry him and let him cling to you if that's what he wants.

JB's advice is right on.

Please just let him be. He'll be fine, I promise you. My oldest son was slow to warm up too, especially at parties. When we were out running errands he was super-social with strangers. When he played with a friend he would need a few minutes to adjust but was generally fine. Parties? Yikes! Even at his own parties, I learned to invite his best friend over an hour ahead of time so that by the time the rest of the guests arrived, he was relaxed enough to not burst into tears and run and hide somewhere. My family is huge and family functions were stressful to him as well. I am very outgoing and always have been so this kind of clinginess is something that I didn't understand and was kind of embarrassed about.

For my son, it was temperament and once I understood that, I was very matter-of-fact about it and always presented it as no big deal. When we were going somewhere, I would prep him beforehand with what to expect - "you'll see Joey and Will from school but there will be other kids too. There will be a bouncy house and a splash pool" (or an animal guy, or pony rides or whatever). Or for my friends, it would be "remember Scott who pulls quarters from your ears? He'll be there. And remember Karen and Mike, who have the big hill behind their house? That's where we're going." I'd pump him with as many details as possible so that he felt familiar going in.

Then when the clingy behavior started, I would fine a quiet place to sit with him in my lap and would make casual observations - "oh there's Sarah from your class" or "those hula hoops look fun, my favorite is the red one, what's yours?" And when people would say anything or try to "help" I had a scripted response: "oh thanks. C just needs a little time to warm up. We're going to watch from over here and he'll play when he's ready." And after a while, he was ready and enjoyed himself.

The reward for this is that at age 15, he is beyond gregarious and is really very socially gracious. He can talk to anyone. We go to huge family parties and functions and there he is, working the room like a pro. He outgrew the party phobia around age 7 or 8. There were other situations where I really just had to respect that he knows his own boundaries and doesn't appreciate being pushed. When he was 7 or 8, he turned down a deep-sea fishing trip because it scared him. My husband was disappointed, but he really didn't want to go. By age 12, he was ready to go and enjoy it. He still doesn't ride roller coasters or fast rides at amusement parks. You can tease and bribe him all day, but he's not doing it. I know that when he says no, he's not being coy or looking to be challenged. When he says no, I respect that he knows what he wants and will live with the consequence, even if it means missing out on something he might enjoy.

Sorry to write a book about this, but it's something I feel strongly about. I remember fretting over my little boy, wondering what was wrong with him (or me), wondering if I should "help" him by pushing him into things when he was resisting. I think it's something we're all self-conscious about but I swear to you that when you are able to respect your kids for who they are and how they are and are able to meet them where they are and accept them and support them without doubt or apology, they will reap the rewards of knowing that they are just fine. And that security will let them explore their own boundaries and push themselves forward past their insecurities and fears, on their own timeline.

He's so young. No worries.
MOST kids are, 'slow to warm up.'
But, the ideal that most parents want or hope for, is a kid that is perfectly extroverted and social and jumps right in to, activities, going to school, etc.
But that is not real. It is the ideal.
Big difference.
As he gets older, it will be fine.
Really.
He is only, 3. Sorry 2.5 years old.
That is a hard age, and 3-4 is a hard age too.
Both my kids have acted that way too, upon entering a party or new venue they'd never been to before.
No biggie.

Don't rush him.
Teach him to KNOW himself and his own, cues.
Learn, and get to know his own cues too. He is only 3, its not like he can tell you or explain it.
But as a Mom, know his cues.
If my kid acted like that, I would know... that it was too much too soon, my kid WAS tired.
Tell your son things like "I know, too much going on at the same time right now. And its noisy. Eeek. I'll give you a ride in my arms for now..." and make it no biggie.
ETA: and you could have told him something like "yah I know, I've never been here myself. Let's check things out first, together. But I notice you are handling it well, you didn't even pitch a fit instead! Good job, son. I appreciate that."

Its just the INITIAL getting used to things, that MANY young.... kids, go through.
Not only your son.

I just posted something similar about my 3 year old daughter. I think it is a personality or tempermant trait that you need to gradually develop alongside him. I LOVED this book I just read "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron. The defining characteristic is that these people hang back and observe before they get comfortable in a new situation. This behavior is seen as odd in our culture but favored in others. Parenting in a gentle, encouraging way over time is what helps these children become comfortable in their own skin and adaptable to new situations and not too anxious. The book says that 15-20% of people are like this. I HIGHLY recommend the book. If you're interested check out the reviews on amazon. The key is not to push too hard, but not to just give in and stay home either. You have to be just right - good luck :)

There's a big developement surge between 2 & 3. And some kids are more shy than others, and it was a new environment, and you said he didn't have a good nap. Don't worry about this one - it's not a big deal. Think about yourself upon entering new situations - a party, an event, etc. there are times that you acclimate quickly, and there are times that it takes longer.

He's only been on the planet for 30 months. 30 months! He's still a baby and should want to cling to mom's leg for a while. He may be a more cerebral kind of kid - while others may be more social. Now that my kids are 14 & 17 I've finally learned to stop comparing my child to other people's kids. Your child is yours - he's not those other kids. Enjoy these times of him wanted to cling to you - they are gone in the blink of an eye.

I think it's just that he is so little and then it might just be his personality and that is OK.

I have 1 out of 7 that is just shy and slow to warm up still and he is 7y/o...it is just how he is.

It's fairly common.
My son started going to friends birthday parties at 3 1/2 and the first few he went to he spent %99 of the time on my lap.
By the time he hit 4, he knew how parties worked and had no trouble joining right in.
He's always been a 'wait and see' type of guy.
He has to figure out how everything works before he's willing to join in.
It's a learning style.
All through elementary school at teacher conferences after the 1st 10 weeks the teachers would tell me how quiet he is and how he needs to speak up in class.
And then they had a hard time getting him to shut up the rest of the year.
Just be patient with him and don't try to force him to participate before he's comfortable with it.
He'll develop at his own pace.
I think the basic style/behavior will always be there, but it will alter a bit with his age/maturity level and it'll be alright.

My kiddo was slow to warm up when she was that age and now she is a total social butterfly! It made me nervous when she was young and sometimes I would push her- everyone involved ended up being miserable and upset with each other. So I stopped and just allowed her to be herself.

I agree with Kristen B. and the other posts. At this age, you have to find that balance, and that's not always easy. I think you hit it on many levels: no nap, hungry and you can chalk it up to that. I also think that as he matures, he will come around.

Keep the opportunities coming for him to interact and I'll wait for your post telling us you can't get him to LEAVE the party!!! :)

Hang in there. Give it time.....on his timetable.

Don't push.

All kids have different personalities. Some outgoing, some shy.

Don't push a shy kid. It's awful for them.

Take him to outings like this but let him enjoy it in his own way.

My sibling was shy her whole life. It was difficult for her. But guess what?
By her mid-20's, she was coming out of her shell. By 35, had a huge
circle of friends, fun times, enjoying her life, having a ball, outgoing and
all.
Let it happen naturally in his own timeframe.

Don't push like an overbearing seargant but encourage like a loving parent and they will surprise you OVER TIME.

It's all good. It will be fine. Everybody is different. Let his personality develop slowly. You will see a bright, young, cheerful, fun-loving young
child develop. :)

They grow up a lot between 2.5 and 3.

He is 2 1/2. What do you expect from him. We all can't be social butterflies upon walking in a room!he may be like that the rest of his life. So e people just do not ju p right in! Let him be.

My oldest is 8 and has always been that way. We try to be the first at parties and take a quick pre-visit to classrooms before school starts so he can warm up more quickly. I've read that this is normal of 1st born kids.