Slow Growth in Daughter

C.,
You must be a great mommy to have noticed all these things about your daughters development. I see some marvelous pieces of information in your post that lend great hope that your little girl will catch up! All the reasons you listed may have contributed to some of the delay. I find myself concerned that no tummy time may not be all of the reason you are having trouble. My daughter walked at 17 months and is still to this day at age 3 seems to be a bit clumsy :-) She is just now starting to talk in work combination with the help of some very dedicated speech therapists. I want to encourage you to seek help and have her development evaluated... I know all states have what is called early intervention programs (until age 3) where at least the evaluation is completely free and in some cases they don't charge you for the speech therapist and others to come to your house to work with your baby and teach you how to help her. If this turns out to be nothing you would have lost nothing but if she can be helped I know you would want that for her. I have a good friend that told me recently that she knows of parents that are unwilling to see that something needs to be done. Maybe denial or some other issue they just don't want to deal with. She mentioned that if your child fell and hurt their arm wouldn't you take them to a specialist just to make sure it's ok... You are on the right path. PLEASE listen to your gut and ADVOCATE for your baby. You are her parent and the one who knows her BEST so insist on doing what YOU think is best after all it's your family and the decisions you make today will carry in to your futures and not your doctors...
Hope it helps. God Bless and I will pray that all will work out soon.
L.

Here are my concerns: My neice had the same issues you are having, however, she also didn't startle at loud noises--come to find out she is severely hearing impaired. She would babble because she heard some, but nothing clearly. at 18months she began to walk, she didn't speak at all on a regular basis until she had her hearing aids done at 2 years old (she's now 4.5 and speaks at between a 3.5 an 4 year olds level, so great improvement with hearing aids and speech therapy). She's very small, only 35inches tall and 26lbs at 4.5 and has been since about 6 months old. She does have some reflux issues still, but not enough to cause her to be this small...doctors have tried lots and are just relating it to her being hearing impaired, though I don't know why. I would look into having her hearing checked at a specialist--not a tympanogram to check for fluid...a real hearing test...if their ears are messed up it can cause stability issues--like not being able to sit up at "normal" time, not being able to walk/not wanting to walk and can cause them to have a preference for leaning back/being held to where their heads are upside down.

Was she full term? If so, did they consider her IUGR? Often IUGR babies take a long time to catch up. What does your Ped suggest as a next step? I would hope they'd do additional genetic testing. I'm sure it's nothing you did! But there are plenty of books are resources out there on child development that may help you in the future.

My 3rd DD was 5 lbs 9 oz, 17.5 inches born at 36 weeks & she has continued to be small (she was not IUGR). She was 17.5 lbs, 27.5 inches at 12 months & 19.5 lbs, 30 inches at 18 months. So she's only gained 2 lbs & 2.5 inches in the past 6 months!

The Ped isn't *too* concerned but she did have us add Pediasure for 1-2 bottles/sippies a day instead of whole milk or juice. But she started walking before her b-day & is talking up a storm so she's just on the small side. My other girls were small, just not quite *this* small.

I apologize in advance for the long post!!

1) Some kids are just small. My eldest son was 5 lb 5 oz (partly due to prenatal complications we were unaware of until my 37 weeks checkup). He's super healthy and active and smart, but hits developmental milestones about a month or more after "average". He's still on target for himself, though - his "curve" is consistent. Remember that "average" includes all outliers on the spectrum and just because your child is not "average" does not mean there is anything wrong. And even if something IS wrong, it is most likely not YOUR fault. You do have enormous influence, but you are hardly responsible for your daughter's genetic programming or personality or the choices she makes. Like another woman said, though, it might be worthwhile to have her hearing checked if she's not making word-like sounds at this point.

2) My 2-year-old didn't actually switch over to walking until during my hospital stay with our second child (they are 18 months apart). And while he was making word-like sounds, his language didn't explode until perhaps a month or so ago, right before he turned 2. Now he makes three-word sentences, identifies books and such by name, and tries to sing along with familiar songs. But then, my mother didn't start talking until she was three, and then it was in complete sentences.

3) Our Baby is chunkier than our Toddler. We think he got his father's size and metabolism, while Toddler got mine. Toddler has a huge head and a tiny body, which I recently learned makes him the spittin' image of my father! Who knew?? (There was concern he had hydrocephalous, but no, he just has a big brain. CT scan says so. *wink*) However, Toddler can still wear pants that Baby's butt is too big for.

4) Baby didn't spend much time on his tummy because he always spat up so much and so often. I wanted to keep as much food in his tummy as possible. But he's still developmentally on-target. What motivates a child to crawl and walk and such is when they are curious and want to get something for themselves. I think motor development tends to follow after visual development, since they can see clearer and thus know there's more to explore. It is possible, however, that your child is reluctant to "up and move" because you have trained her to cry until you do it for her. That is not a problem with her, so much as a reluctance on your part to allow her to learn how to deal with frustration. Letting a child cry does not mean you are a bad mother. It's hard to do and grating on the nerves, but some salutary neglect is good for a child.

5) I saw some book suggestions in another comment. Here are some more, from a different perspective. (In case you're worried, my kids are very well behaved, sweet, and cheerful, and kids and adults love to be around them. At least, that's what they tell me.)

Advice:
** "Baby 411", by Fields and Brown; also "Toddler 411"
** "A Family of Value", by John Rosemond
** "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!", by John Rosemond
** "Einstein Never Used Flash Cards", by Golinkoff, Hirsh-Pasek, and Eyer
** "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", by Marc Weissbluth

Overview Texts/Commentary:
** Dream Babies, by Christina Hardyment - compares and contrasts 300 years of parenting advice
** Paranoid Parenting, by Frank Furedi - as in, how not to be a "helicopter" or "hovering" parent

Good luck! I'm sure you're doing great!

Have you gone completely green in your home? I ask because reaserchers are finding out that some common house hold products contain chemicals that are endocrine suppressors. The endocrine system controls how much of what hormone we generate at any given time, including growth hormone.

The most recent to make headlines is a chemical used to soften plastics. We take in this chemical when touch soft plastics or put soft plastics to our mouths. It suppresses the endocrine system and doesn't allow the body to make the right amount of estrogen.

If you reaserch this topic on the internet you will find information and studies from the American Journal of Pediatrics, Cambridge and Standford Universities, to name a few. The side effects of many of these chemicals are wide ranging, depression, ADD, rage disorder, low birth weight, and developemental disorders as well. They are in food as well so if you can't pronouce it google it and learn about what kind of impact that chemical can have.

Remeber doctors began to report the dangerouse effects of cigarettes in the 1950's and our government didn't put a warning label on then for over 40 years! So if you are reading this and thinking it sounds unbelievable I don't blame you, but know my nephew is on growth hormone shots and he is the first of any child in either side of the family to have any physical develpomental problems.

Don't blame yourselves just get educated, so you can do better.

Hi C.,
I think if you are worried and your doctor is that you should pursue some more testing. It could be nothing and she may catch up, but it doesn't hurt to check some other things out. Has your doctor referred you to a developmental testing clinic? I'm not sure at what age they can refer, but you should ask. I know that my two year old son is behind verbally, though he does say single words. I talked with my doctor about it at his 2 year check up and he immediately referred him to be evaluated even though he said he was not worried about it. I haven't had the appointment yet, because apparently it takes quite a bit of time for them to get an appointment because of a long waiting list. Hopefully it won't be such a long wait in your area, but I would go ahead and request this if your doctor has not already suggested it. I know the clinic we are trying to get into can do evaluations on their speech and development and would be able to give you other ideas of things to check I am sure. They take a whole morning to observe your child, which is probably why it takes so long to get an appointment. :)

As to the weight gain, it could just be that she is small. My daughter is routinely in the lowest percentiles on the chart, but is healthy and the doctor says she is fine. But if your doctor is worried about it, ask him if there are any tests to be run to check for physical contributing factors, like a heart issue.

When my son had his 2 year check up, I mentioned to the pediatrician that I was concerned he wasn't talking. She offered a speech pathologist, but we were going to wait one more month. 2 weeks later, he started talking in 3 word sentences. Don't stress yet, but voice any concerns with your daughter's pediatrician. As long as she is hitting milestones on her own time table and is growing regularly she will be great.

Did you get any treatment for your hyperemesis gravidarum? Just be aware that there are drugs and treatments available, in case you want to have more children in the future. Biofeedback and acupuncture help; conventional medicine tends not to be as effective, but there is one medication that can help a lot.

You said one thing that really hit the nail on the head for me: "We being clueless on what children need to do...." Have you been using any baby books, or have you been pursuing more of an instinctual approach to parenting?

I've found, actually, that very little "instinct" has helped us with our daughter. I think the reason is that, while it could be great, we live in a society surrounded by unnatural things, so I think it's hard for us to really discern what our instinct is telling us and what our unnatural environment requires of us.

There are so many pediatricians, psychologists, teachers, and other experts that are the top of the line in child care issues, while there are so many experts in other realms of life. Our knowledge of so many things has updated and become so much more sophisticated and helpful to us in so many areas of life, and child care is, I think, one of the most important areas to keep our knowledge as up-to-date and full and well-rounded as possible. If we know the latest on how to lose weight or get our finances into shape or how to buy a car, or gardening techniques or household gadgets or electronics, we can just as easily learn the inner workings of a child's mind, how to interact, what best treats colic (no instinct will tell you to lubricate a thermometer and insert it into that baby's rectum!), and of course, milestones.

So. As soon as you can, go to your nearest library and get some books - not just on milestone sorts of things, but baby stuff, all things related to toddlerhood.

Here are some books that I've found very helpful:

The Sears Baby Book by Dr. Sears
The Sears Discipline Book by Dr. Sears
The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey
The Sears Nighttime Parenting Book by Dr. Sears

I'm not saying your baby has discipline issues. These are just great books and they talk a lot about what goes on in those little heads of theirs. So they're great for just understanding how babies "work."

You will love them.

L.

PS Hi, C., I just came back and read what I wrote, because I had written it in a hurry and had a feeling it might have come out wrong. I'm not saying that you're not doing enough as a parent. I'm responding more to people who tend to pat a parent on the knee, at least figuratively speaking, and say "it'll all sort itself out, just relax and enjoy being a parent" when there are resources out there that are available to us. I think Lena's suggestion, for example, was great! (I just always think in terms of books ;) I think that what I was trying to say was, do whatever it takes to give your daughter the best this life can offer.

Also, there is information about hyperemesis at helpher.org where they talk about studies involving the effects on babies of moms with hg. Sorry, I forgot about this earlier.

PPS about her speech delay, get the book BabyTalk, which describes a very simple program for babies, toddlers and young children that, studies have found, helps them to develop their speech/language at accelerated rates, and many children who started out behind even end up in the gifted range. It's also great for emotional growth and discipline - you'll see. Get that book, it's marvelous.

Don't blame yourself. A lot of babies hate tummy time and therefore don't do it. I did not force either one of my babies to do tummy time, however they both developed normally. I would not blame the issues on lack of tummy time. IF there is something wrong, there is a good chance you had nothing to do with it.

I think it would be worth your while to see an endocronologist regarding her growth. My 27 month old was followed by an endocronologist for a year after his ped had concerns about his lack of growth. We ran several tests and determined he was Growth Hormone Deficient. In June we began Growth Hormone Therapy. His growth since has been much better. Children with growth hormone deficiency sometimes present with weak muscle tone as well, which is something to look into if you find this is the case.

Also, we have a program in Alabama called Early Intervention that is free where someone comes to work with your child and can also refer for further therapy. We also take my son to an occupational therapist who does a little with his muscle tone (exercises to help his core that is a little weak). Your ped should have information on programs available. We have also worked with speech therapists as our son had some speech delays. He has blossomed after working on this.

Wishing you the best!

I think you should get a referral to an early intervention therapy clinic. I have a therapy background and think this should have already been addressed. Being behind on a couple of milestones by a little is ok, but it sounds like there might be more to it with your case. Insurance almost always pays for both the referral and therapy sessions...I don't think you did anything wrong, so don't blame yourself!