Sleepovers - Haymarket,VA

I'm weary of sleepovers too. My daughter has spent the night at a few close friends houses - and once at the neighbors house right across the street. My parents ALWAYS let me stay the night at friends houses...sometimes w/out even meeting the parents! Actually LOTS of times. I was ok. I guess I have mixed feelings about it because I don't think I'd let my daughter stay the night at a "school" friends house w/out getting to know the family pretty well first.

first thing, just have an unsleepover. kids come in pjs from like 5-9, and do everything they would at a regular sleepover. sleeping bags, popcorn and a movie, makes sundaes, ect. then the parents come back at 9 to get them just as they would be getting sleepy. its a nice way to appease the idea without issue.

now, wow, joe w is(not to sound demeaning) but out of her mind. what she is doing is putting the blame on the victims parents. to say look at the parents and decide if they are weirdos is very ignorant. most child molesters simply wait for an oppurtunity and then begin the manipulative grooming process. they know what to say to the parents and the child in order to gain everyones trust. check our megans law and see how many peoples MO is "to gain access to the child through friend or family member". to even suggest that we can simply talk to and look at someone to decide if they are a danger to our child is idiotic.

reference to joes statement, what about everyone else? would the parents allow relatives, boyfriends, neighbors, friends, co workers to come in to the residence when other children may be there? since these people are trusted by that parent, they would think nothing of it, but the bottom line is they are still strangers to you and your child. what about older children, are their friends or boyfriends going to show up? do you really know who may be around your child?

i agree completely with melanie. as parents, our job is to protect. the only sure fire way to protect is to not allow our children in situations where there could be a problem. as they get older, and can be told what is ok and whats not, hopefully you can give them power and the words to use if they were ever in such a situation, but at 5, the child has no way to get out of it and protect himself.

also, if you pick and choose, you are seriously going to insult a parent when they see that you are not opposed to sleepovers, just the ones they have. the same would hold true if you were the host, what to do when the invite is returned at their house. its just easier to say no all the way around.

besides all that, i still do feel 5 is extremely young for a child to be at a nonrelatives house overnight. you may having crying kids and wet beds at 4am

I tend to be overprotective in this way and allowed sleepovers at our house, because my daughter was molested at the age of 5 by her uncle while spending the night at her grandparents house. He was the very LAST person I would have ever suspected of doing such a thing.

So my advice is to go with your gut on this, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Because sadly, you can't go back✿

No I don't. Being over protective in this area won't hurt him. You can have fun family times and a child can have a wonderful life without sleepovers. You never know if the family would allow stuff that would hurt your child. My kids have done sleep overs with grandparents and cousins but mostly we don't do this at all. They are well adjusted and happy, healthy children even without sleep overs with friends. Good luck!!

My son is 8 and last year we decided for the firs time to allow him to spend the night at his classmates house for his bday. I didn't *know* the parents but called and had a long talk with both of them, asked them everything I could think of and at the end felt good enough that he could spend the night. Well, it was horrible and as of now he will not be spending the night at anyones house until he moves out and is an adult!!!! Nothing really major happened but I guess the 2 boys ended up sleeping in the same bed, which I was told that both boys would sleep on the floor in the family room. The kid had older brothers that played violent video games although I was told the boys would not be playing them, I didnt think to ask if they could WATCH them from the older brothers!!! And I guess the boy thought it would be funny to show my son his dads posters of topless women in the dads office closet. The older brothers kept making fun of my son also and there was a few other things that just did not make it a great experience. So its not just the fact that they *could* be molested but they are away from you with people you don't know and they don't care for your kid like you do. There was no reason my son should have seen and done some of the things he did there. So after my son told me all these things I told him that he was not going to spend the night at any friends house until he is much older. He actually said ok, cuz luckily he gets it! I also told my daughter who for the first time had a sleepover at age 11 just before my son had his and she had NO problems but I told her what happend with her little brother and told her she would probably have to wait until she is older too and I really know the parents. she said ok also since she "gets it" too. So at age 5, no way. Good luck.

Yes we have had sleepovers, probably starting at the same age as your son, but mine are teens now. Why not have them at YOUR house to start out with? Then when you get comfortable with the kids, and you find out which ones your son does best with, maybe he can go over to their house. I know it is hard when they are young, but once you get to know the families better, it will get easier.

I have allowed sleep overs with my boys (ages 2 and 5). They have had friends over, we have let them go to friends' homes for sleep overs. We ALWAYS have known the family very well.

You do what you're comfortable with. My husband and I have never left our children with someone we and our boys weren't comfortable with. While I know that children are often molested by someone they know or are related to, I'm not going to pack my boys in a cage until they're ready to move out. And before someone attacks me for that, I was molested by my own grandfather, so no amount of yelling at me or warning me or shaking your head at me is going to change how I parent my children. I feel that sleepovers can be important growing experiences.

I think 5 is too little.
Sleeping over at a cousins is different. This is your sister or your husband's family that he is staying with. He is part of the family. Sleeping over at friends is not.
My daughter is 13, my son is 10. We now do sleepovers quite often. THe children are older, can entertain themsleves and get their own breakfasts and lunches.
We have two girls that are here often and my daughter goes to their houses. We are very close to the families.
My son has one buddy with whom he has sleepovers. He is from church.
My older daughter used to have a friend come often when we lived in NC. Long story, I knew she was safe in my house, she stayed as often as she was allowed.

You have got to be kidding. I don't mean that in a demeaning way. You are not talking about your son spending the night with they guy down the street, you are talking about a sleepover with a friend. You can even start with the child staying at your house but then his parents have to trust you.

I guess you should ask yourself, what exactly are you protecting him from. What I mean is look at Jimmy's parents, do they seem like wackos, child molesters who had little Jimmy to lure other boys over to have a foursome? I know I am exaggerating this big time and obviously nothing is obvious. It is just I am trying to make a point.

The point is don't go looking for trouble. There will be enough moments where the hair on the back of your neck stands up. Even then you may be wrong but when the hair is not standing up don't use hair spray for effect, ya know?

We made a rule that no sleepovers ever. If there is a need(parent in hospital), the child may stay at our house. The exception is church or girl scouts where adults are right there at all times in the same room.
My dd is shy and feels overwhelmed by the drama and thanked me.

Can the kids not come to your house for a sleepover? Then you don't have to worry. I would suggest starting small - 1 or 2 friends b/c they are still so young. A lot of 5 year olds in your house would be a bit much. Also, ask your son which children he wants to invite. Then I would arrange a playdate, backyard BBQ, drinks at your house, etc. w/those parents and their child. While the kids play, you get to know each other. I would be honest and say "X is such a good friend to my son, I thought we should get to know each other." Decent parents will understand and want to get to know you as well!

I do let my 5 year old have sleepovers. Hard thing at that age is finding other parents that are okay with it. He wants to have a sleep over bday for his 6th birthday, and many kids haven't started sleep overs yet, so I'm having difficulty finding kids that would be comfortable coming. We have a family friend that started this sleepover thing with her older children, and our 3 year olds have had sleep overs at one another's houses.

There are three families around me that I trust my kids to sleepovers with...if I don't know the families - my boys invite them over to our home....

my kids were young - 3 when they started sleepovers...we were neighbors at the time as well so if there was a problem - no one had to drive anywhere...

go with your gut. if you aren't comfortable invite the kids to your place.

Sleepovers are the first of many steps into the world.
Soon there will be scout trips, summer camps and more.
Talk to your son about private parts, good and bad touching and saying no.
It is CLEARLY documented that most children are molested by family members and close TRUSTED family friends, the risk of stranger danger is very unlikely.
I suggest you read Jaycee Dugard's book. Even though she was one of those very rare victims of our worst fear as a parent, her attitude towards her own girls is that the world is OVERALL a very safe place. Her story is so inspiring!

When my daughter was little, she's 16 now, I had plenty of sleepovers at my house. For some reason, my house was always the place to want to go. Lucky for me, I sent my daughter to live with her dad when she turned 12 and even now when she visits which is rarely, we somehow end up with some friend spending the night. Now, I also have a 6 year old and a 2 year old and I will not allow them to have sleepovers. Call me cheap, but I'm tired of feeding other people's kids and being responsible for them. I've also had my house trashed, kids running out of the house at night when they were suppose to be sleeping, and fights between kids in the morning because they were crabby from lack of sleep. It's just not worth it. Nowadays too with all the hype of sexual predators and such, I'll pass.

there is no such thing as being too protective of your child, before you agree to let your kid sleep over at a friends house, come over several times BEFORE the potential sleepover. does the family have an overly friendly father figure, ( the type that will ask the child in front of the parents about sleeping over)or, is there a creepy older brother or uncle who doesnt seem to have friends their own age, but instead, chooses to be around children, and only children? do they have a neighbor who just happens to stop by every time there are children around ? ask questions, get answers. before you allow any sleepovers.child predators can show up anywhere, even in "nice" families.
K. h.