Sleeping with My Husband and I

Updated on October 08, 2009
S.F. asks from Aurora, IL
11 answers

HELP!!! My kids go to bed perfectly fine in their own toddler beds but dont stay to sleep in them. They use to sleep fine through the night in their beds, until the last 2 weeks. It is almost like a ritual that one of the twins comes in the room between 1-3 and wants to sleep with us. WHich would be fine, but either A, their screaming, B, moving to much then want to get out of the bed C, refuse to be sleep with my husband, only mommy. And it is just turing in to a mess!!
So here is my question, should I start shutting their door at night? Nightlight? Putting them back in their cribs is not a question, they can climb out of that with no problem.. Any other suggestions.. They have been sleeping through the night since they were 2 months old, and I want to get back to that. Thank you!

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone.. I am going to try walking them back to bed. I appreciate all the responce, I had no idea what to do!! I am hopefull that this will soon be over :)

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

IF you do go back to the crib there is a Crib tent, that will keep them from climbing out. Or just like the others said. Keep putting them back. Eventually they will learn. All kids go through phases.

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

This is what I would do (have done). Before bedtime, remind them that they have to sleep in their own beds and that they will not be allowed in your bed if they wake up at night. Tell them that you will direct them back to their beds. Then, that's just what you do. Lather, rinse, repeat until they don't do it anymore. Could take some time.

Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Chicago on

S., I strongly urge you curb this now or you will be paying the price for years to come. My husband and I thought it was so sweet that our daughter wanted to cuddle with us and we let it get out of hand and now she is 7 and still sometimes crawls into bed with us and it is terrible, we don't get any decent sleep because she tosses and turns all night and pulls the covers, etc... Every book I have read and every Nanny or child care expert says the same thing if you want it to stop, you have to walk your kids back to their beds without saying a word, you have to be consistent and if you have to take them back to their beds 10 times, then so be it. You can't let up and they will eventually stop, it could take 2 nights of this, it could take more, but if you want your bed back, you will find a way to do this. Just know that doing this allows everyone to get a good night's sleep including your boys. Good Luck!!!

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A.M.

answers from Chicago on

They will continue this for years if you let them ahhhh. I would get one of those child proof locks or a hook and eye for the door so they can't get out. the first night one will wake the other and there will be a lot of crying. By third or fourth night, they will know they have to sleep in their own bed. It may seem hard but if you don't set the limit now, you will all be sleep deprived for a long time. I have a lot of experience with this and while it is lovely to snuggle, it is bad for everyone in the long run. Good luck.

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B.G.

answers from Chicago on

Hi S.,
There is a section on this in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (Weissbluth). We had an almost identical problem with our younger daughter (now 5). After repeatedly putting her back to bed "with no emotion", we coupled a step gate with an almost closed door, so she could open the door but not leave the room. Yes there were some "cry it out" moments, but she eventually just stopped walking the floors in the middle of the night. About a year later, it started again, only she'd choose a new spot on the floor to sleep, in the hall, next to our bed, etc. Eventually we bribed her with donuts! If she stayed in her bed all night, she got to go to the donut shop and pick something small out. Sounds absurd, but it worked.

good luck.

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A.A.

answers from Chicago on

ditto what Julie said....lots of kids will go through periodic phases of this. Don't argue with them in the middle of the night, just calmly walk them back to bed and tuck them in. They will get the point eventually. I know its exhausting at night and sometimes you just want to roll back over and let them climb in with you, but as long as they know they even have a small chance of success (getting to sleep with you), they will continue this. One other thing I would do is have daddy get up and take them back to bed, you just pretend to be asleep and not give them any attention. Sounds like they mostly want you, so it will probably stop sooner if they realize they are just going to get daddy walking them back to bed in the middle of the night. Remember to give this as little attention as possible, no drinks, no scolding, etc...Just silently walk them back to bed and leave the room. And definitely talk about sleeping all night in their own beds like big boys when you tuck them in the first time. If they need a nightlight or a little background noise (like a fan or humidifier) I think thats fine. My daughter goes through this every once in awhile too, hope this helps!

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L.L.

answers from Chicago on

This is a phase that shall pass. What we did is tell them they can't sleep in our bed but on the floor. You don't want to make it very comfortable for them. But walking them back to their room is probably the best option if it works.

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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

Simple, you are the parents and you need to take control, discuss this with them and if you do not want these sleeping arrangements take them back to bed. DOn't let tears get in the way. My nephew would not sleep by himself and my sister and brother-in-law gave in when he was little but it ended up being a nightmare for my brother-in-law. They ended up buying a full size bed for their son so my brother-in-law could sleep with him otherwise he would just have a fit all night long, every night. It stopped when he went to Junior High.
My husband set our house hold in a total different direction. He said from day one I will not have our son sleeping with us every night. Don't get me wrong there was nights when he did crawl in bed with us for a short while and that was OK but usually my husband would talk to him and take him back to his room.
We did a few fun things is his room to make the room brighter and not to dark. We put glowing wall paper on the ceiling. It had stars on it so it looked like he was camping. When he was old enough we got a bed tent that he could sleep in. Maybe that is why he now loves camping. We also got a nightlight lamp, that he could turn on or off. You can now buy a touch lamp that does the same thing. Our son also had all his stuffed animals in bed with him to make a fortress. They were his army of guards that protected him and lastly he had a guinea pig in his room that was right next to him bed on a table or the cat that often slept in his bed. That guinea pig and cat were great comfort on those nights when he maybe could not sleep.
Just a couple thoughts. Good Luck

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

A night light is a great idea. I think this will pass. My girls go through spurts of one or the other coming in to our bed. (both since they came out of cribs) Then it stops. Nothing for weeks, then boom! someone climbs in to the bed! Both have slept through the night since 6 weeks of age, they sleep in different rooms, both have night lights, and they are three years apart (3,6). There doesn't seem to be any real reason for it, so I think it might be dreams. When they are awake (during the day) talk to them about it. First tell them that Mommy and Daddy share a bed and if they are not happy with both of you in the bed then they need to stay in their own beds. Second reassure them that if they have a bad dream that you are right there and they can come in if they will lay quietly. They are just trying to see what they can get away with. There are nights when one of the girls will climb up in to bed and we are so tired that we don't even care. Then there are nights (like you said) when they move around so much that you have feet in your face and you just say enough is enough and you put them back in the bed! That never really makes them happy, but our girls learned pretty quick that if they want to stay in the bed they need to be as quiet as possible or they will get the boot! Your boys are only 22 months, mine are 3 & 6 and it still happens sometimes. Get control now because it will happen on and off and you never want them to feel that they can't come to you if they are scared.

Good luck :)

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I would either put a hook and eye on the door or get a babygate. My suggestion is the gate as you can see in but they can't get out. Make sure the room is totally safe for them. be prepared to find them asleep on the floor. we did have a fright one night as we couldn't find my son the next morning and he had went to sleep in his tent. another day we went in to get him the next morning and could here him but not see him he had climbed into his toybox and slid the little door sideways to hide. good luck. i would stop the climbing into bed everynight thing right away. good luck

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R.P.

answers from Chicago on

I would put them back into their beds when they come in at night. Unless they are genuinely scared they can be in their own bed...I would take them back to their bed tell them they are ok leave the night light on and close the door making it clear that it is bed time and time to sleep. Good luck.

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