Hi J. :) I am so sorry that you are sleep deprived. I understand. I have a 5-year-old, 3-year-old and an almost 5-month-old. I remember feeling the exact same way with my first baby (that I needed to figure out how to get my baby to sleep better because I was so tired). I learned so much from that first baby! First...you are doing the best thing you can do for your baby...breastfeeding!!!! It will only be a short time before your baby finds his own "schedule." Trust me, nothing lasts forever. Before you know it he will be sleeping better and this time will be a distant memory. Your sweet little guy needs his mommy and his breastmilk and he knows how often he needs it. PLEASE DO NOT SUBSTITUTE BREASTMILK WITH WATER!!!! Trust that your baby knows what he needs and you can provide him with that! Breastmilk is digested faster than formula and at 4-months he is definitely needing to be fed on demand. He knows when he's hungry. Following "Babywise (i.e. the Ezzo Method)" can cause dehydration and worse. Follow your mommy instinct to respond to your baby when he cries. You have those instincts for a reason. Your baby will be happier and more secure in the future because he will learn that his mommy will be there when he needs her. Imagine being left in a room alone to cry when you needed someone? Or worse...imagine being left to cry when the person you love the most is sitting right next to you and won't help! That breaks my heart. Trust me, I understand how exhausting it can be to have interrupted sleep. Hang in there.
I don't know what your current sleeping arrangements are, but have you tried sleeping with your baby? It makes it much easier to continue your sleep while the baby nurses. You will be amazed that after a few times nursing lying down on your side how you don't really even wake up to help the baby latch...and baby learns to latch in his sleep too so there is little to no fussing...just a moan and a latch and both mommy and baby are happy and getting sleep! There are so many non-truths out there about co-sleeping. As long as alcohol and/or medication are not involved co-sleeping is not a danger to your child. Your child picks up your breathing patterns and the risk of SIDS is reduced. Mommies and daddies have an innate instinct not to roll over on their babies. My husband is such a hard sleeper and will sleep straight through a crying baby, but I'll tell you if our children make any unusual noises he is bolt upright in bed to check on them. Another non-truth about co-sleeping is that you'll never get your child out of your bed. Not true. They are out before you know it and then you miss them!
Keep in mind that your son's sleep patterns are going to change many times. It will depend on growth spurts and milestones. Babies know when they need to nurse more often to build up mommy's milk supply (growth spurt coming on) and they also tend to have a harder time sleeping when they are meeting milestones (rolling over, scooting, sitting up, etc.). Then there's teething. There are a myriad of reasons for baby to wake through the night. Please know that I understand how you are feeling. I have had three high-need babies who haven't slept well and all insisted on being held 24/7! There wasn't a gadget I didn't try (swings, bouncy seats, exersaucers) and I finally came to the realization that my child needed ME and there wasn't anything that could replace me! Now, mind you, sometimes I have to shower -- LOL -- and that means my little one might have to fuss for a few minutes. I can promise you that the time goes by so fast and before you know it you'll be chasing a toddler! Do your best to relax and enjoy this special time with your baby. Try not to let other people tell you what your baby "should" be doing, how long they "should" be sleeping, etc. Listen to your mommy instinct. YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!! Something that was helpful to me with my first baby was to turn the clock around in the bedroom and not look at what time it was...then I wouldn't know how much time has passed between feedings. It seems when you count your hours of sleep you're more tired ;)
Anyway, I have so many things running through my head but I guess I'll stop now. The main thing is to listen to your gut...trust yourself and trust that your baby knows what he needs and is calling out to you when he cries (he's smart enough to know that mommy has the milk that he wants...that is why dad can't calm him during these times). Please don't give your newborn water instead of breastmilk he is much too little and this could be very dangerous. Believe that "This Too Shall Pass." And most of all....ENJOY THIS TIME...lots of cuddling, lots of nursing...he'll be onto the next hurdle before you know it :) Good luck! You'll be in my thoughts.
M.
Mommy to Cadee, Connor & McKae
p.s. My son was born August 17th and is close to the same age as your son. He, too, has recently changed his sleep habits at night. I believe (from previous experience) that this is developmentally "normal." McKae doesn't take 30 minutes naps EVER! I am lucky to get 10 minutes here and there (which is why this message is so all over the place and has taken 2 hours for me to finish)! All of my kids have been this way. At around 7-8 months the naps got longer in duration and more "scheduled" (happening around a certain time each day). Trust me, kids will GET THEMSELVES into a routine if they are given the opportunity. Best wishes!