My daughter, who will turn 3 in March, has only spent one night of her life apart from me. Last night, she and grammie wanted to have a sleep over. So, we packed up my daughter's bag and I prepared her as best I could.
As soon as we arrived home from my p's house, I got the call that they were on their way. My daughter wouldn't say good-bye to us when we left, so I knew she wasn't going to stay. It was awful. She hasn't been napping, so she had a total melt-down. Of course she then kept her 11 month old brother up.
My mother keeps pushing for my daughter to sleep over. My response has always been "when she is ready." My daughter said she wanted to do it, so I said "OK." Problem is, I have no idea if my mom planted this idea in my daughter's head or not.
In January, my son has to have an operation, and chances are, he will be in the hospital for at least one night. We will need to leave for surgery super early in the morning, so chances are, my daughter will need someone to stay with her. My mom had it in her head that my daughter would just go to her, but after last night, hubby and I decided to ask my p's to stay in our guest room in the basement. I know my mom won't want to do that, but I don't want things to be hard on my daughter.
Hubby thinks it's nuts to expect a 2 year old to spend the night elsewhere. I know many LOs do spend the night elsewhere. Is it unreasonable of us to expect my p's to stay here, so my daughter can stay in her own bed? At what age might my daughter be really ready for sleep overs with grammie?
My daughter spends almost every Monday at my parent's house, so it's not like I am not letting her go. I tried getting her to nap there at an early age, it just didn't happen.
In any case, my parents will stay here, unless my daughter decides she wants to try a sleep over again and it works out.
Hi,
I don't think you need the added stress of wondering how your daughter will react to a sleepover on top of worrying about your son. Explain this to your mom and hopefully she will comply to make it easier for you. We started grandma sleepovers very early so my son was comfortable, but also went through a phase of not wanting to at the age of four. I hope your mom understands. You don't need this over your head.
My son is almost six and he's only spent one night away from me. It was a sleepover at his best friend's house before we moved out of state, and when he got home in the morning he cried and cried because it stressed him out so much but he didn't know how to deal with it at the friend's house. My son was always a very bad sleeper and nighttime was difficult for me, I wouldn't have ever expected my mom to deal with it, she already raised her kids! She spent LOTS of time with him during the day, at her house as well as mine, and they have a GREAT bond (even though we are now thousands of miles apart). They don't need to have a sleepover away from home to love their grandparents. If she is more comfortable at your house, leave it alone. Someday she'll be big enough to handle a sleepover and she'll let you know with words and behavior! My son is always asking to stay at his teenage cousins for a sleepover, but I know that would end up in a meltdown come bedtime so I am putting it off for a few more years for his own good. He CANNOT go to bed without our books, snack, tuck-me-in routine, and I know this just would not happen with his cousins. I would think your mom would understand how much stress will be involved with the surgery and would only want to make things easier for you AND your daughter for those couple of days. My mom camped out on our couch when our second daughter was born and thought only of what was easiest for ME during that time - isn't that what a mom should do?
I dont think it's unreasonable. When I have to be out late (I've never spent the night away from my daughter, but occasionally we do stuff where we're out late) my aunt spends the night at our house so we dont have to uproot her. She stays fine at my grandparents house when we're there, but I dont see any reason to force her to stay somewhere else if she doesnt have to.
I would have the parents stay overnight too. Your mom has to remember this isn't about her and pushing you little girl isn't going to make her ready faster.
As a single parent, I had no choice but to let my Mother keep my daughter overnights when she was a baby. I had to work till Midnight at my then job, and it was easier for all of us to let her stay. Your daughter will get used to it. She is not to young for the sleepover, and Adansmama is totally correct that she needs to get used to it BEFORE the surgery.
My daughter has only one living grandpa and not living close, and no close relatives living close by, so she did not have any kind of a sleepover until she was 5 years old. If your daughter is not ready, she's not ready. There is no magic age, it depends on the child. Why create stress? I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a grandparent come to your house to babysit.
My daughter is 23, her first sleepover was when she was 17 or 18. My sons are the same way. They like their own bed. I agree with you, have your parents come to your home.
i agree with robin d to an extent - in the end once the surgery comes up you need it to be seamless and the least amount of stress possible. HOWEVER - i disagree with hubby that she is too young to spend the night at grandma's. personally i would make sure she's used to staying with grandma, as soon as possible, so that when the surgery comes she WILL be stress free and it will be seamless for her. the fact that you had barely gotten home when they were bringing her back sounds kind of ridiculous to me. kids are kids. that's why we are here to make decisions for them. my son has been spending the night at grandmas, often a couple times a month, since he was six or eight weeks old. the relationship he has with my mother (and my elderly grandparents who live next door to her) is priceless. your daughter may put up a fuss at first but if grandma can just DEAL with her, get her past her fears, it will be the most precious gift to both of them. honestly, no offense, but it sounds like your daughter has been catered to in this instance. you can either keep catering to her or you can (like all things with kids) put your foot down and solve the problem. wouldn't it be wonderful to send the kids off with grandma and have a night to yourself? why wouldn't you want to encourage that?
Part of me is jealous, gosh my mother never even babysat my two children, lived close enough, she had energy to golf and show dogs, but couldn't help me, so much as cut a vegetable for a holiday. She figured she was done after we (six living brothers and sisters) grew up. She is self centered and beautiful, not a grandmother type. Whatever way your mom is willing have her do it. Of course it will be easier to have her at your house. If she won't do it, but is still willing to take her, then let that happen. LIfe is short, the operation is scarey and one day a sleeptogether with grandma will mean only one tiny part of your beautiful babies lives. Good luck and prayers on the operation.
It doesn't appear that your daughter wasn't ready to sleep at gram's house; more likely that you weren't comfortable with her sleeping over. My grandkids have been staying overnight at my house since they were 2 months old. They look forward to it. Make it an adventure by having your daughter pick out some special movies (I get mine at the library), getting special snacks (we love popcorn and pretzels), and snuggling on the couch under a nice warm blanket. We stay up far too late, stay in our jammies all the next morning, and love spending time together.
I'll send my kids to spend the night at your parent's house...lol
We have no grandparents that would even consider a sleep over...I asked for 2 nights so we could celebrate our wedding anniversary...got no where...asked for just one...they said they'd get back to me...I am still waiting and that was two anniversary's ago.
We both got the flu once and were so sick we couldn't get out of bed...my husband and I were crawling to the bathroom...my brother and SIL drove in from out of town to pick up our kids and kept them for three days...my dad and step-mom are 10 minutes away. They were "scared they would get sick too" both kids had flu shots...my DH and I had forgotten ours.
Please send her and let her have a good time or not...she will be fine.
Oh, growing up I spend every Friday night at my grandparent's house...I LOVED it!! Cinnamon toast for breakfast every Sat...good memories!!
personally i think it's nuts not to be able to let one's kids have sleepovers with grammies (frequently!)
but yours isn't used to it, and needs to have it introduced gently. and you probably won't have her ready by january.
so no, i don't think it's unreasonable to ask your folks to stay at your place during a time that's going to be stressful for everyone anyway. you don't need any added angst then. but i also think it's perfectly reasonable for your parents to long for some one-on-one with their beloved grandkids at their house. i would definitely start encouraging longer and longer stays. probably starting with naps at their house when you're still there would be a good way to start since it's so unfamiliar at this point.
khairete
S.
My grandson spends the night with me quite often. He will be two in January. Our situation is a little different in that his mama (my DD) has some very serious health issues requiring frequent doctoring and hospital visits, and sometimes just plain physical exhaustion that she needs a weekend of good rest.
He has been staying with me since he was about 3 months old. He is very used to me, and loves me. Make no mistake though, just being here puts him off schedule some, but we are building memories that hopefully will be special ones as he grows up. I totally get why your mom wants her there. She wants a special bond with her. The younger it happens, the better. With an already traumatic event coming up, if she can get used to it ahead of time, it will seem like a special time, and not a she's being shuffled around time.
My grand kids were staying with me from the get go, at least one night a week or more. It was never a big deal. I say you need to let go and just let her go and spend the night and get used to it. She is old enough to be going to grandmas for the night and maybe even a few nights in a row.
You and your husband deserve to have a getaway weekend occasionally or a night out. It's okay for her to get used to spending the night elsewhere.
If you just have to have it your way then make them come over and stay or just put off the surgery until she's older and will allow you to do it.
