Oh gosh! Where do I start? My son has a VERY difficult time falling asleep on his own. He can't seem to fall asleep unless he's being nursed, having a bottle of warm milk, or being rocked in some way. He sleeps in his crib for the first part of the night, usually between 3-5 hours, rarely more than that. Of course, he's asleep when I lay him down because he's usually just finished a bottle. Then after a few hours he wakes up crying, so I bring him to bed with me. I've done this since he was a few months old. I really wish I hadn't of gotten into that habit, but what's done is done! I only nurse him in the middle of the night now, so I don't have much of a milk supply. For the past few weeks, he's been downright impossible! He tosses and turns all night long. When he comes to bed with me, he'll fall back asleep once I nurse him, but once he's drank all the milk...that's just it. He can't get anymore and gets mad and just whines and cries. He'll eventually fall back asleep, but not for long until he's waking up again expecting to nurse to go back to sleep. He also used to go to bed between 830-900 and wake up around 800am. Now I'm lucky if he's asleep by 1100pm. Tonight it's 130am...and he just fell asleep. I've tried letting him cry it out but I'm torn. He gets so beyond hysterical, that I just don't feel as though it's worth putting him through that.
I would love advice on a few things. First, how do I get him to fall asleep without needing me or a bottle? Second, how can I get him to sleep in his crib all night? (This sort of goes hand in hand with the first question) Third, how do I get him to go to bed earlier?
He's not a blanket or "lovey" type boy.
Hi, I also had trouble with my first daughter...have you tried reading "the no-cry sleep solution"? It takes some time, but it does actually work and is very gentle. Good luck!
I am 100 percent possitive that I can help. I read a book called healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It helped me with the same problems that you are having right now. My son now goes to bed on his own and stays there all night. This book saved my life. It was recommended to me by my son's doctor at Children's in Seattle, and i bought it for about 10 dollars on amazon.com. I would say start from the beginning even though your chilc is older that the age group they atart with, just to give you an understanding of what the prosess is that he is talking about. This Dr. did many many studies over a 10 year period to get this info. Plus he gives you options instead of just one way. I hope that you try it and it works for you as well as it has for me. My son can now open doors and he still rarely will come out at night, maybe once or twice a week just because he still wants to play, but i just stay consistant and i win every time. just remeber CONSISTANCY is the key to making it work. He will beat that in to your head too but it tried to be laxed about it and it didn't work, then i was doing the same thing everynight and it worked and has for well over ayear and a half
Hi Ranae,
My daughter Harper is almost 12 months, and she used to only go to sleep while nursing. I was like you, if she woke up during the night I would take her into bed with me, nurse her and she would fall back to sleep. At about 10 months old I decided I should probably break her (and myself!) of that habit, but I was not willing to let her scream and cry all night. A friend told me about something she tried, and it worked SO well.
Harper gets her last bottle at about 8pm - it relaxes her, and then we read a few stories, and at about 8:30pm I lay her in her crib, give her a kiss and sing her a song, then say good night and leave. Now she goes right to sleep, sometimes whines a little when I leave, but stops as soon as I'm gone and is asleep almost instantly. The first night I did this though, she cried and CRIED. I went back in after 5 minutes, but didn't pick her up (this is the key), just laid her back down, stroked her hair and said I love you, total of less then a minute in there, then left again. I set the timer for 7 minutes and went back in again, laid her back down, stroked her hair, etc. etc., increasing the time away from her by 2 minutes each time. I only got to 9 minutes, and she was out cold (it took my friend 3 hours her first night doing this though). I really like this method because they are reassured that you are still there, but they are getting a clear message that it's bed time and that you're not going to pick them up and take them to bed with you. Once you set the boundaries and they know what they are, it is SO easy. I seriously can't believe how easy bed time is for me.
The other poster is right though, it could be an ear infection, or even teething. But if this is something that he has done forever, it is probably just his habit. If he has always gone into bed with you when he wakes up, then of course he'll cry for you when he wakes up. That's the other thing about this method - if Harper wakes up during the night she almost always puts herself back to sleep within a minute or two. But if she doesn't, I do the same thing - go in and stroke her hair but don't pick her up, then leave. I've never had to go back in again though, she always just goes back to sleep very quickly.
One more note though - if there is something wrong (ear infection, teething, sick, etc.), it's ok to pamper and cuddle him. Last week Harper was having a really hard time (her cuspids are trying to come in), so when she woke up in the middle of the night and I could tell that she was in a lot of pain I picked her up and rocked her a bit. It didn't "ruin" any progress we had made, she doesn't expect to be rocked if she wakes up. Kids know that things are different if they're sick - they're smarter then we sometimes give them credit for :) So I would get him checked out just in case, like the previous poster said.
Anyway, good luck!
Is it milk or teething that is keeping him awake. I hate to say this, the only thing that worked with one of my children was whiskey on the gums. A dap on your finger rubbed over the gum takes the pain away. A night of sleep. He is lod enough to eat solid food and be weened if need be, therefore, teething is a more likely culprit. Use the recommended tips, tylenol, Ibuprofin (lasts for eight hrs), oragel, homeopathic teething tablets....if all else fails, try the whiskey. Lot's of luck. I was there...I feel for you.
C.
Wow R., I feel for you! It is so tough to know exactly what to do. I went through this with my oldest daughter. The pediatrician told me to let her cry it out. It was the most difficult thing to do. My husband had to litterally hold me down because I wanted to go to her and just hold her. The doctor told me she was old enough to be sleeping through the night and let her cry it out. She did and of course we broke the habit but it was a heartbreaker for me. If I had to do it again, I would probably go to her and comfort her and let her know I was there so she wouldn't feel like we abandoned her but not pick her up. The doctor told me to not even go into the room.
We did have a set time for bed each night and wouldn't let her deviate from that. If she cried when we put her down, we would let her cry. I know it sounds so harsh but it really helped her to be a great sleeper. She would go to bed at 8 and wake up at 7 or 8.
If your son cries hysterically, then let him know you are there but that you he needs to sleep and so do you. I hope this helps.
Best to you all.
My position is that you can't "try to let him cry it out." All that will do is make him shriek longer and louder in the future. If you really want him to go down and stay down you have to make the committment to follow through; otherwise you should just keep doing what you're doing and wait until he is able to sleep all night by himself before you have baby #2.
I had to do the "cry yourself out" with two of my three children and, I'll be honest with you, I'd rather have a root canal. It is a miserable experience for everyone in the house, but it took one night for one of my children and three nights for the other one. (The second and third nights weren't as bad as the first night.) But it is well worth it. All three of my children go to bed at the same (early) time each night and they all including the 14 month old twins) sleep through the night (unless they're sick or load a diaper, of course!) None of them use a lovey, either. I just give them kisses and snuggles before bed and pop them into their cribs/bed. They're asleep without a fuss.
If you really want to have a little boy who goes down at a decent hour and who stays down without a bottle all night, you should put him to bed at a decent hour and let him cry himself to sleep (while you are crying in the other room . . . if you're anything like me!) When you feel as though you just can't stand it for a second longer and you just have to rush in and scoop him up, go and take a long shower to decompress. But don't do this if you can't stick to it; otherwise your poor little guy will get all kinds of mixed messages!
Try working on naptime first. Have him put himself to sleep... Then, once he "gets it", try bedtime.
I used to bring my daughter (8 mos. old) into bed exactly like you did, in the middle of the night.. one night, I just refused to do it, I wasn't sleeping well and thought maybe our sleeping noises and movements were keeping her from sleeping well. I went into her room and nursed her and she went to sleep in her crib. That was the end of coming into our bed. We're still up 3-4 times every night, nursing (not good), but can't figure out anything else that works. Usually babies don't sleep so great when they're "working on something" (getting teeth, crawling, standing etc).
Good luck!!
Hi Ranae,
It sounds like you are confusing sleep issues related to nursing with a probable ear infection! My son went through this type of thing and it was always an ear infection. The nursing and sucking action relieves the pain for them. They fall back to sleep and are awakened with pain and want to nurse and be comforted. Try a visit to the pediatrician just to check it out!
Also, if it is an ear infection and you treat it and the behavior starts almost right away after treatment the cause is probably an allergy to dairy or wheat which cause recurrent ear infections. It took me a year of solid antibiotic treatments to finally say, wait a minute, there has to be something causing this. I visited a naturopath and took my son off dairy and guess what? He never had another ear infection.
Hi R.,
I just wanted to say hang in there! Children go through all sorts of stages and some of them are really rough on the parents, but I know he will grow out of this one too! I remember going through this myself with my now 3 year old. At different times, we have had different variations of sleep issues and they have all been corrected. When my son was very young as yours is, I did the method described by the last woman. I think it is the Ferber method? Anyways, it worked for us as well. It is something that you have to commit to doing all the way through, so pick a night where you feel emotionally strong enough to follow through, not a day where you are drained emotionally, physically, etc.
You probably have a routine already for bed time, but that is equally important to getting the child to bed as well. For instance, our nightly routine is and has been from a very young age: 1. Bathtime (whether or not he needs it, this really helps to calm them) 2. Put on lotion, jammies, brush teeth, hair etc. 3. Story 4. Song in my lap 5. Then to bed (I stay w/my son for exactly 5 min once he is in bed)then it is time for me to leave. This would be the time where I would begin the (Feber) method. Leave for however many min you want, 2-5 probably, come back in, reassure him that you are there(don't pick him up) and let him know that it is time for sleep, leave, add 2-5 minutes to the previous amount of time, and keep doing this until he's asleep. I hope this works really well for you! You can also do this in the middle of the night when he wakes up. Maybe come in when he wakes up, nurse him, then do this method. It might make for some sleep deprived nights to begin with, but I think it will allow you to sleep more in the long run. I came to a point with my son (who I nursed until he was 2 1/2) that I no longer nursed him in the middle of the night. He would be nursed right before bed (till he was drowsy, not to the point of full on sleep though whenever possible), then, he was allowed to come in to my bed in the morning and nurse. Usually at such a young age, that was more like 6 am and we would fall back asleep together. This made for much better sleep for me! I could get a good long stretch of sleep which is what we all need!
Good Luck and remember, this is a process...hopefully, you'll be through it in just a night, but it may take some time for everyone to get used to, but in the end it will be worth the commitment.
M.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this! Sleep issues are hard.
I guess my advice comes from some experience, but, also, everyone is different.
We co-sleep with out baby, since birth, and she has slept well ever since. After I delivered, I held her in my arms (the hospital nurses were good to help me) and I nursed her. Then, when we came home, she slept between my husband and I. She slept 5 hours the first night! I woke her up to nurse.
Now, she is 16 months old. She will fall asleep with me on the bed. I usually go lay down with her at about 9, and I turn off the lights, and make the room very quiet, and we do quiet things, such as talk in whispers, or I sing her a lullaby, etc, until she drifts off. Sometimes it takes longer than others, and sometimes I do have to give her a warm bottle to soothe her.
Children find different ways of soothing themselves, and sometimes they have a hard time "winding down". Look at your child's day. Does he have a lot of things going on around him? Does he get wound up right before bed? I know it can be hard to change routines, but maybe starting the "quiet time" about an hour before bed may help. I also try to make sure my daughter has a good dinner so she is not hungry by bedtime. And, if you follow the same routine every night, it helps.
I am an advocate of co-sleeping. It doesn't last forever, if you think about it. When was the last time you saw a grown person sleeping with their parents? As soon as they get outside influences and peers who have their own rooms, your child will also want his own room.
My personal experience is that if the parents relax their expectations, alot of the time the issue resolves itself. Its been like that for us anyway.
Of course, you should do what feels like for you; let your instincts and not convention guide you.
Good luck!
