Sleeping Independently

I basically think everybody's right: seven weeks is very, very young, and she needs her mommy. But hang in there, and pretty soon--maybe even in a week or so--she'll be ready to sleep without you. I had good luck with my first child (a VERY fussy baby) by lying her down in her crib and just skinning out of my t-shirt as I did so. She had my smell and my nice warm t-shirt and it got her off to dreamland. And also: get her to go to sleep on daddy sometimes. You need rest, too.--T.

My son slept on me for the first 6 months at nap time and now he is 15 months and sleeps independently and won't sleep on or with me at all. Don't let her cry it out, she is entirely too young. If she needs her mommy, let her snuggle with you, give it time. She'll get there when she is ready and she is VERY young and wants to bond with her mommy.

Dear J.,

both my daughters slept w/us. Since my girsl are both grown adults, I am not familiar with the books you are reading but I was a staunch La Leche League mom and the family bed was highly thought of. I really don't see the harm in letting her sleep w/you. You could both lie down in her bed ( I know it's a crib right now ) then slip out when she is souund asleep. It may be easier to break her of the habit when she is a little older. she won't sleep w/you forever and at times you will miss that. So, try and not stress over it ,there will plenty room for that later. Try easing her into her own bed, as she becomes older, read stories to her in her bed...etc. Work her in and don't forget to rest yourself.

It will all work out.

D. wentz

J.,
First off, congratulations to you!!

I remembered when our daughter was at that age, she just loved to be held. I started singing lullaby and humming songs to her and immediately then, she would fell asleep! My husband and I then realized that perhaps having soothing music in the background everytime she sleep might help her doze off herself.

One thing all parent(s) need to remember is that infants and/or toddlers can sense when their parent(s) are stressed, sad or worked out. Hence, you might want to give it a try to just forget about your worries and sorrow for that few minutes and just endure those moments with your little angel.

The funny thing is, our daughter is now 4yrs old, we still played her music at night and at times she would come to either one of us and asked to be held and rub on her back at night time. I guess, she just liked the feeling of being touched by us and probably too felt that she is being protected.

I hope this would help you a bit. Don't worry, be happy!!

Regards,
R. Davenport
Glen Allen, VA

hi J.,

i have a 6 1/2 month old baby boy and i went through the exact same thing you are, right around 6-8 weeks, he would only sleep on me and only if i was sitting up. it was quite hard and, like you, i was really worried about creating bads habits and spoiling him. my sisters and mom kept telling me you can't spoil them at that age and they were right. my one sister wasn't able to stay at home when she had her kids and told me since i was able to to just enjoy it. they won't always want to be that close to you. and, it only lasted a couple weeks. if your daughter is sleeping in your room (like in a cradle) you may want to think about moving her into her own room. i realized at about this time that my husbands snoring was waking the baby up and that's why he was having trouble sleeping at night. my son was able to adapt to his crib at night around that same time after about a week or so. though i had to often stand over him and pat him to sleep for awhile. the trasition will get tiring and sometimes frustrating but it is worth it. but keep in mind even after your baby has transiitioned to her crib for night time sleeping she may not nap in there right away. put her in a swing during the day until she's about 4 months. by then she'll be old enough to cry herself to sleep during nap time. try not to worry too much, i promise these are all temporary situations.

J.,
My 1st baby still needs me to sleep w/her (she is now 2 and a 1/2. My 2nd child never did and both were happy. Both girls. I automatically put my 1st in our bed and she could not sleep w/ out me. My 2nd one I put in a bassinett (real soft one,but safe)the 1st week or 2 after we came home from hospital and she sleeps better than the 1st one did. The best book I ever read is the SleepLady. you can go to her website at sleeplady.com . there is alot of good info just on the website. She has a real gentle approach. and the sooner you get the book (if you do) the better. :) Its really helped me alot with my 2nd child from remembering what I read with the 1st(but was to late to "do it right" with my 1st by the time I read enough to decide what to do). Prayers,
K.

when she get's tired enough, she will sleep. Be strong. Just lay her down. Start by staying with her and rubbing her back. Then back off from there. Rub her back for a couple days. Then just sit by her. What I did for my daughter was put her down and leave for 5 minutes. It was hard to listen to her cry, but it was only 5 minutes. Eventually she figured out I wasn't just leaving her there, and she started sleeping. I had to move it up to 10 minutes after a couple weeks because she figured out that if she would stay awake I would come back. But it worked. She slept by her self though the night (10 hours!) at 2 months old. Hang in there. Decide what you want and stick to it

I am on my third child with breathing problems and sleeping arrangements. We had many a night sleeping with our oldest on our chests due to ashtma and ear infections. My baby (11 weeks) is on his second round of coughing and wheezing. He has not slept in his crib since he was 5 weeks. We have elevated the mattress by placing blankets underneath one end. This worked for a time. Try placing her in her swing, a bouncy seat, or her car seat first then move back to the crib.

Good Luck,
S.

I would try swaddling her very tightly, and then she feels like she is being held.

Your baby has been in/on you for 9 months. She is tiny and helpless. She just needs you. So what if she wants to sleep on/with your for now. That closeness is the best thing for her. I am not sure why so many people are in such a hurry to make their little babies be independant. They have the rest of their lives for that. Let her be a baby and do the best you can to respond to her needs. A 7 week old baby is not crying just for the fun of it. If she is crying, then she needs something...even if it is just a gentle embrace from her mom or dad. Try not to fall into the trap of following some one elses sleep pattern. Not all babies sleep the same way. Even months from now you may have had her into a great sleep pattern and then she suddently starts waking up again. That is normally. They go through phases. If she is suddenly waking up after months of good sleep then that should tell you something, she needs you or something else. That is when many people choose to CIO (cry it out). Please do your research before choosing to do this to your child. Yes, in may cases it works but only because the child stops crying due to exhaustion and has learned that his/her need is not going to be met. Even a 1 or 2 year old child still needs cuddles from time to time. There is a great study done by the Harvard University that discusses the long term effects the CIO method has on children. Parenting isn't always easy and smooth. Sometimes we will be sleep deprived and frustrated but it is a small price to pay for the well being of our children.

Also look up some information on Attached Parenting, Co-sleeping (the family bed) etc. It may give you some insight. Holding your baby now is not going to ruin her for later. Just enjoy these precious baby moments while you have them and don't worry about her needing to be independant so fast!!!

Good Luck,
M.

Have you tried maybe a vibrating bassinet??? That worked for us... ,my son hated being laid down to sleep... but this he really liked.

My son will be three in March. As an infant, he always wanted to be held, especially during the newborn stage. So I held him. He slept with me or on me. He rarely ever cried. He was a happy baby. As he grew, he gained his independence. He did it on his terms and with ease. I don't regret a bit of it. I actually miss holding him and cuddling him. He does indulge me at times.

It really is such a short time. Enjoy it. She won't be like this forever.

Have you tried letting her sleep in the swing? We did this with my daughter until she was about 2 months old! Then she transitioned to her crib and kept sleeping through the night and still does (she's 16 months old). Try that to see if it works. Good luck!

Hi J.,

I know every baby is different, and like you, I read a lot of baby books before and after my son was born. One thing that stood out to me was that you can't spoil a baby that young and if you respond to every cry immediately in the first 3 months, soon after that milestone you'll notice a difference in the amount of cries you hear. I followed this advice and I swear, it was almost 3 months to the day that I did notice a difference! I held him until he fell asleep well after 3 months and he is a great sleeper now (3 1/2 yrs old).

I hope this helped a bit. At 7 weeks, they just don't get any of this and only know they want someone near. : )

D.

The book we read was Healthy sleep habits happy child by Marc Weissbluth... and I loved it!! We had sleeping issues with our son when it came to naps, and the book really helped me cope with them and learn how to get him to sleep in his crib instead of in his swing. Happy sleeping!!

Sorry to hear you're having sleep difficulties. I think I've read every book on baby sleep there is. Baby Whisperer, BabyWise, Ferber...the list goes on and on. I tried The Baby Whisperer when our son (now 10 months) was your daughter's age. It didn't work for us. I loved the concept and was commited to making it work, but after a few weeks, I had to try something else...putting down the books and just watching what worked for him. You're right, you can't spoil the baby the first 3 months and the most important thing with a baby is to not let them get overtired. You know, when they're fitful, fussy, just can't stand themselves. :) She probably is used to sleeping on you or just in the upright position. Our son had to sleep upright for a while due to reflux, so we put him in the carseat in our room. Then we moved him into his crib once he was able to lay flat. My advice is to really watch her and notice when she starts to stare off, lie a little more still and has been awake for maybe 45 minutes to an hour. If you swaddle her, do that, start some kind of wind-down ritual so she doesn't become overstimulated because once that wheel is in motion it'll be ALOT harder to get her down. Once her little body starts to relax, try laying her down in her crib. Don't wait until she's asleep to put her down because that just tells her to fall asleep in your arms. When she cries, you'll have to decide whether you'll go in to her or let her try to fall asleep herself. I couldn't listen to my son cry until he was 6 months old, so don't feel bad if it breaks your heart and you have to go to her! Do you live local to GBMC?? They have a mother's group that I swear by. There's 2 groups-Birth to 8 weeks and 8 weeks to 1 year. I learned an incredible amount from other moms and the woman who ran the group is a lactation consultant. She's the greatest. I still go to see her when we have problems and will when our 2nd son is born in April. If you get a chance, you should try to go. I made so many friends there too! I'm sorry this is so long, I know just how you feel though. Good luck!

Dear J.,

Congratulations on having your first child. This is just a suggestion; try putting some of your worn clothes either in the cot or pram when you are trying to put her down. Invest in a pram that a child from birth can sleep in i.e a firm flat base, so you can rock her to sleep. Or you could lie her down on the sofa near where you are as long as it is safe. The other thing you could do is putting her in her night clothes so she associates this putting down time with sleep.

Good luck but I am sure things will settle down eventually but do remember that most babies will change their routines every 12 weeks as they develop.

L. Paget
London UK

I truly feel for you as we went through the same thing with our DS. He was held for naps (thank goodness for my mom and MIL who watched him while I worked) and had to be rocked at night (sometimes for 45 mins or more). This cycle went on for at least 4 months. We were exhausted. We used the CIO method but only after he was 4 months old (tried it at 3 months and it didn't work so tried again at 4 months). But he still didn't sleep through the night (a mere 5 hrs) until 8 or 9 months. He's now 23 months and sleeps 10-12 hrs. a night and naps (1-1.5 hrs) on his own. Now when it's bed time he only wants me to rock him for 5 mins. and then he starts squirming to be put in his crib. After all the exhausting nights of catering to his sleep habits, it was kinda sad feeling him push away from me to go to his crib. At 7 weeks, I think she still needs you there for comfort. Once she's ready to be on her own, she'll let you know.

I would try playing music in her room or a humidifier as white noise...we had a really hard time moving my daughter to her crib to sleep, too. Good luck!

When my daughter was 7 weeks, I placed her in a sleep positioner on her side. Like a charm, that was the first night she slept through the night! Sleeping on her side looked so cozy and I'm sure it helped her feel secure. also, it kept her from startling herself awake or rolling on her belly. I think ours was made by "first years" and had he vents on the side. By the time she was crawling she was no longer needing the sleep positioner. good luck!

you were correctly informed that you cannot spoil babies. they need what they need, and they are way too young to manipulate adults. you might find more information and help in books by dr. sears, whose books i can unreservedly recommend. our culture and child-rearing patterns are based largely on what adults want or find convenient, and upon outdated/ unsubstantiated notions about children--not upon what small people really need to develop optimally. if a method feels hard and unkind to you, it most likely IS. feel free to rely on your own intuition and feelings of compassion for your baby. the more you nurture a baby in the early days and months, the better it is for you and the child later. as far as playing for 20 minutes on her own but not wanting to go to sleep alone, that is quite normal. 20 minutes of engaged attention is different from the normal wanting to be safe and secure as she lapses into sleep. babies aren't designed to be "independent"---quite the contrary---and to make them so goes counter to developmental needs. the most cuddled, indulged, non-independent babies typically grow into the most loving yet independent children. also, children vary widely in their ability to be set down asleep without waking. some are just more sensitive to this; mine was! personally, i found it much simpler and better to arrange my room so that my baby and child could sleep with me. everyone got a better night that way. just do what feels most loving and what makes your dear one happiest. they all grow up eventually...

I would stop putting her in the crib to play, it should only be associated with sleep. I'm sure you have a bedtime routine, but I agree with you it is important to get the baby out of the bed. (Some people wont agree with this, but I know that I have NEVER slept well when I have a baby in the bed!) I find that my daughter sleeps better when I nurse her in a (not too quiet) room, not to sleep, but almost to sleep and then I carry her to her crib. It is also hard not to jump right up when she fusses and pick her up (especially at 3 in the morning when I'm delirious and don't know any better!) you'll eventually find that there is a difference between the cries (although I must admit I had NO idea with my first, only when I was more laid back with my second could I tell) and for mine there is a hurt cry (high pitched screams), a whiny cry (whimpers and moans), a pissed off/pick me up cry (the most annoying of all of the cries) and a hungry cry (which is very similar to pissed off/pick me up cry, except if it's been so long since she's eaten, I'll know the difference. Although at 7 weeks, it's tough to do the 'cry it out' method, maybe a sleep positioner would help. Also, know this-my oldest is 5, and we still lapse from routine when she's been sick. Sucks, but true! I hope that the Baby Whisperer works for you, good luck!