Do you rock your children to sleep or let them fall asleep on her own? I rock and then lay them down, but have come across this issue with all 7 of mine at some time, if you don't rock one method would be to lay her down in a dark room and sit beside her bed until she falls asleep, this is hard but she will know that you are there and slowly move out of the room each night until you are completly out, my sister did it this way.
When I have ran into the issue I start with the day naps like you said and slowly work my way to the nights, the nights are the hardest cause I am like you I NEED my sleep and can't remember the last time I slept threw the night or past7:00 am, my kids never become all night sleepers until around 3 years old, but if you are truley determined to get her into her own bed then stick w/ the decsion and don't give in no matter what.